Badfic blues

[emmagrant01]

Have you ever read the summary of a newly-posted fic, and thought it sounded like something you would like, only to be disappointed almost immediately? Like, in the first line?

This just happened to me ten seconds ago. I feel terrible about it, but ya know, if the fic contains a blatant grammatical error or misspelling in the very first line, it just shuts me down. I can't read on. Yeah, I know it's my loss, and that the fic might be great if I just overlooked that one error, but it says something to me about what I might find in the fic in general. My fandom time is limited, and it's my choice how to spend it. Why should I force myself to read fic that annoys me?


Other things that turn me off:
• Four paragraphs of backstory before there's any hint as to what the story is about.
• Excessive use of terms like "the blond" or "the Gryffindor".
• Unnecessary description in general. I don't need to know the details of what each character is wearing unless it's important for the story. Really.
• Song lyrics incorporated into the text of the story. Just... no.
• First-time sex followed by an immediate declaration of eternal love. *vomits*
• First-time sex that is perfect, complete with simultaneous orgasms. (Or maybe the author knows something I don't?)

So what does it for you? What will make you stop reading a fic and hit the back button as fast as you can?

ETA: Y'all really needed to get this shit out of your systems, didn't you? *grins*

Comments

[helens78]

* Boys who weep. I'm all for men who are in touch with their emotions, but...!
* Laughable words for body parts. "Throbbing member". "Man meat". The word "turgid" or "tumescent"...
* I'm with you on excessive description. Of course, sometimes it'd be nice if my cowriters didn't have to ask "hey, what's X wearing?", but... :)
* Hard breaks from canon that I'm not prepared for -- it's one thing to dive into an AU and know it's an AU up front, but otherwise I would rather be able to pretend this is canon except for all the smut. So Jedi who are aggressively starting bar brawls, or Immortals who have children...



Someday I want to write a songfic that no one knows is a songfic until way later. I think I could do this if I picked the right song. *grin*

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Ooh, yes -- all of these annoy me too! Especially the weepy boys bit.

And I think you can write fics that are inspired by songs -- and we've done that, haven't we? ;-) I just don't want to see the lyrics of the song interspersed throughout the text, reminding me that this is what the fic is about.

[lazy-daze.livejournal.com]

Aah, I get that quite often. And I agree I know I may be missing out, but things like grammatical errors? Really really put me off, even just a missing comma or two. It just gives me a feeling of being off while I'm trying to get into a fic and all I can notice are these little errors (and SPAG errors are the main turnoff for me, or not just errors but generally clumsy witing - like overuse of epithets, as a good example) and you know, I want to be noticing the fic not the problems. I've actually gone back to a same fic that's got rave reviews two or three times and can't get through it each time because of such problems. *rambles* :D

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

I want to be noticing the fic not the problems.

Yes, exactly!

And yeah, I've experienced that phenomenon too, of my entire f-list raving about something that I see as hopelessly purple, and I'm like WTF?

[http://users.livejournal.com/_inbetween_/]

Footrubs. Tears welling up in his eyes. Hot bubble-baths. Snape.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Tears -- ugh. Most people try really hard not to cry, unless they want something and are being manipulative. IMO, of course!

[backinblack.livejournal.com]

It's a given, but OOC. Nicknames. Cliches. Songfics of any kind. Crossovers. These are pretty obvious since you named everything I hate. Mpreg. Hm. Cliffhangers at the end of EVERY chapter. :-?

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

How do you define OOC? That's something that seems really subjective. For example, I love "Queer and There", which contains one of the most delightfully OOC Dracos ever. But it's so funny and well-written, and it's definitely tongue-in-cheek.

Cliches, crossovers, cliffhangers... Hey, now you're talking about my fic, aren't you? ;-)

[phaballa.livejournal.com]

Excessive use of terms like "the blond" or "the Gryffindor".

YES. This annoys me to no end and I can't understand why people do it except that they're just too lazy to restructure they're sentences in order to avoid too many confusing pronouns. Grrrrr.

I actually really like reading rare pairings, but ONLY if there's sufficient build up. I can't stand it when characters act completely out of character for no reason. For example if Harry is randomly going to jump Zacharias Smith in the showers after Quidditch, there has to be a reason. Internal dialogue, jsut something that let's me understand Harry
s motivation.

I also hate it when writers say things like, "Harry had known since fifth year that he was gay. After Cho Chang he realized he just couldn't ever be attracted to girls." That ignores canon and thus annoys me. It's cheating, too--I need proper motivations, slow realizations.

[phaballa.livejournal.com]

Oh and also... shortening Hermione's name. 'Mione. Or Hermy. Or something ewqually putrid.

[lauramcewan.livejournal.com]

A story that sound like my nine year old wrote it.

I can usually shrug off typos and such because I find them far too often in profic. Pisses me OFF, but hey.

Over, overexcessive description. I don't mind some, even if it's not vital to the story, as it helps me frame the picture in my mind. (You don't want to know how many times I've been disappointed by the look of a film made from a book I read and loved...:wails:) But I think just noting that the leaves were golden in the fading fall sunshine is enough, I don't need to know the varying shades of gold and what they changed to as the sun slowly sank in the west...

(Ah, crap. I just realized, I'm two weeks behind on LMH sequel and you're about to post a third...shit.)

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Overexcessive description kills me! Ack. I try so hard not to describe if it isn't necessary. And you're right that a little detail helps set the scene, but that line is so easily crossed by many writers.

Oooh, you're reading STG? How cool!

[pinn2480.livejournal.com]

First, spelling and grammar. If someone doesn't care enough about their work to use spell check, then why should I care enough to read it. Second, when a known character is introduced and they use the full name of the character as well as their profession i.e. 'Special Agent Dana Scully walked toward her partner, Agent Fox Mulder'. Turn off. Third, characterization. I can tolerate deviations from character to a certain extent, some liberties have to be taken when writing a fic, but don't completely deviate from canon. If a male character who, in canon is stoic and closed off, weeps openly in a fic, I'm gone. If he's weeping and listening to Celine Dion, I'm gargling to get the taste of the fic out of my mouth. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

If he's weeping and listening to Celine Dion, I'm gargling to get the taste of the fic out of my mouth.

I just totally spewed my beer on that one. So true!

[jamoche]

I gave up on one entry from an otherwise good rec list because every single time the author meant "your" it was "you're". Every. Single. Time.

The story idea was pretty good, and I tried forcing my way through it, but I just couldn't.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Oh, how horrible. You'd think a beta would've picked up on that one, you know?

[lunadeath02.livejournal.com]

What really turns me off a fic:
Very poor grammar, punctuation, and spelling (mainly of names and places and spells)
like you, excessive use of terms like "the blond" etc...
Excessive use of nicknames, like "Mione". *groans*
Making Harry seem too much like a girl, even if he IS gay in the fic.
Getting Harry's eyesight fix and going mall shopping for new clothes for no apparent reason (I'm beginning to loathe this cliche).

I know there are others, but I can't think of them right now.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Why do so many authors insist on getting Harry contacts??? I've never understood that. What's wrong with glasses?

[batagur.livejournal.com]

*Hidden Mary Sues -usually packed away about mid story and pop up out of no where or are hidden in a canon supporting character. Blech!

*Out of Character Characterizations like making someone who is normally a gentleman unnecessarily violent. (read a story once that had the hero of the story slapping women around like a wife-beater.)

[batagur.livejournal.com]

Oh and over the top romance. Nearly forgot that one. Two men, bubble bath, wine, candles, aroma therapy, and roses all in one love scene constitutes Over. The. Top!

[pir8fancier.livejournal.com]

Mpreg. It's so wrong that if I get started I will have a stroke.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

I haven't read much of it, but I occasionally hear people list off fics in which it was done plausibly. I have friends on another fandom who wrote an mpreg fic in which the guy's reaction to finding out he was pregnant was "WTF? Get it OUT!" I thought that was pretty cool, actually.

[ou-peachus.livejournal.com]

Of course there are the typical things that I squick at sometimes- incest and chan being the biggest for me, but even then I can read them if the fic is from a capable author. (i.e. "lj user=dementordelta" )

But as for the quality of the writing, I'd have to say a major *gack* factor is the use of nick-names. Now, I can see them used SOMETIMES. Ron saying 'Mione I can deal with. But Sevvy? WTF? And at what point in any of the books does is give you the idea that Draco would stand for someone calling him Drake? or Dray? Yeah, those pretty much annoy the hell out of me.

Another thing is..well, this one is hard for me to describe. Its like when you can tell the person hasn't really paid attention to the books because they get small canon stuff wrong. Not AU, but just wrong. Hmm... maybe putting The Leaky Cauldron in Hogsmead or having Neville call his grandmother 'granny' instead of 'gran'. That kind of thing. Its just annoying. I don't see it a lot and I'm probably not giving good examples, but when I read these things I just get so bothered by it I usually have to stop reading. Almost like the person just wanted to write and cared nothing about the understanding the characters they were writing.

The last is the use of Snape. A lot of fics use 'Snape' for Severus Snape's name but will use everyone else's first name. Now, if it in speach that is fine because I can get that. Or if its say Harry thinking something like 'he checked the map one more time to make sure his path was clear. Running in to Filch or Snape tonight would not be a good thing.' I can see Harry thinking of Severus as 'Snape'. And if the author can make it feel normal that is fine too. For example, if he revers to himself as 'Snape' in his head because at some point its been shown that that is how he thinks of himself. (Rather like Hagrid, I would imagine). But for a fic to use Snape like this: Harry rolled over to find the warmth of his lover gone. Rubbing his eyes, he peered around the room to find Snape sitting in a chair in front of the fire. I think people use it because its quicker than typing out Severus and that is just lazy. The WORST is when they have Dumbledore thinking that way. He has been shown in canon to refer to him as 'Severus'.

Okay, probably much longer than you were expecting and not at all interesting, but there it is anyway. Things that make me go 'grrr'.

peachus

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

I think I know what you mean! I've seen that sort of thing too, where you're thinking, "Have you even read these books, or did you just 3watch the movies?"

[ou-peachus.livejournal.com]

oops. grrr. can you fix that lj tag for me? sorry!

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

I don't think it's possible for me to edit a comment -- is it?

[flauka.livejournal.com]

A story that says it's about a certain couple, but then proceeds to tear everything you love about that couple to shreds. It's as if they secretly hate the couple or are just incredibly stupid.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's interesting! Without pointing out a specific fic, can you explain a little more?

Ron hating fics

[ex-ella-bane358.livejournal.com]

I hate that some authors feel the need to turn Ron into a raging homophobe. He then turns his back on Harry completely and just ugh. Suddenly, Draco is the only one who understands poor gay Harry. Please.

Re: Ron hating fics

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

True -- it's seems to be a cheap way to break up the trio and give Harry a reason to turn to Draco. Maybe the first time someone wrote it, it was all GOF-ish and intriguing. But now it just comes across as unimaginative and cliched.

[jadyn.livejournal.com]

Just dropping by, had to add something. I know description overkill's been mentioned, but once upon a time I came across a fic that went even a step further. The author was *gushing* over the main character the WHOLE DAMN STORY! Every time he made an appearance she would spend a whole paragraph describing in detail just how beautiful and wonderful and heavenly he was. :P That was nasty.

It was TPM and you can probably guess who the main character was. ;)

[lauramcewan.livejournal.com]

did it start with an "O" and then a second name that starts with a "W"? ;)

[perseph.livejournal.com]

Oh, the things you wrote, and so much more..

- I think someone already mentioned weepy male characters, but the same goes for female characters as well. Cho cries all the time in fifth year, and it's darn annoying, which is okay because it is meant to be. Don't do it to a character we are supposed to like though. Any of the characters can cry with a good enough reason, but there are too many authors who have them cry at the drop of a hat or even give them a good reason but overdo it.

- Fainting at the drop of a hat is another of my pet peeves. People don't faint every time they are a little startled.

- Excessive use of names in dialogue. In normal conversation, people tend to use the name of the person they are talking to sparingly when it is needed either for special emphasis or to make it clear who they are talking to when multiple people are present. Some authors will have two characters alone in a room and yet they will refer to each other by name in each line of dialogue.

"I don't think so, Harry."

"Why not, Draco?"

"Well, Harry, that just isn't the way it is done."

"But Draco, it could be."

"Forget it, Harry. It's just not going to work."

Grrr. It's even worse when a nickname is used instead of an actual name, except in the few instances where an author does it deliberately for comedic value and manages to pull it off.

- Writing accents or speech peculiarities. It can be okay when done well with a minor character who doesn't have much dialogue. It should never be done with a main character who talks all the time. I came across a terrible story with an OC who drops his Hs a while ago. The OC was a main character who had a ton of dialogue, and it all went like this: "'ello, 'arry. 'ow are you today? Need some 'elp with that? Come 'ere and I'll lend a 'and." How the hell is anyone supposed to read that? I think the character had a few other speech oditties depicted in the text which made it even worse, but the dropped Hs are the ones that I remember most.

- Horrible abuse and rape being used as a plot device. Harry's life was bad enough as it was. There's no need to have Vernon beating the crap out of him and raping him just to make him appear that much more wretched. And one character finding out that another hated character was raped is not going to immediately turn a practically lifelong enmity into a passionate romance.

- Characters who hate each other having a horrible fight which suddenly turns to mad sex without any warning and the next thing you know, they're in love.

- Instant reform as a result of a relationship. Draco and Harry kiss, and suddenly Draco is the champion of muggleborn rights and helps old ladies to cross the street.

[nike-victory.livejournal.com]

- Fainting at the drop of a hat is another of my pet peeves. People don't faint every time they are a little startled.

No unless you're writing Ichabod Crane from Burton's version of Sleepy Hollow.

[perseph.livejournal.com]

Oh, and I forgot above, but one of my absolute pet peeves is eyes being called "orbs." Especially when someone gazes mournfully or wistfully into someone else's "soulful [insert gemstone color here] orbs."

[nike-victory.livejournal.com]

Oh, God yes. It seems to get worse in anime-based fandoms because the eyes are usually large and in some exotic color. Unless the eye-color is considered unusual in canon or someone's sighing over another character and includes the eyes amidst many other attributes being described, there's really no reason to mention the color. And there's really no good reason at all to refer to someone's eyes as 'orbs'. Not unless a character removed the eye and is admiring its shape.

Badfic blues

[(Anonymous)]

I can cope with the odd typo (I make heaps myself) however appalling spelling and grammer just make me cringe. The other thing that really makes me want to puke are fics that have grown up Harry and Draco (we are talking about men!) who talk and behave like 14 year old girls.

[princesskirsty.livejournal.com]

what pisses me off (particularly in the HP fandom) is that as soon as these people (i.e. Draco) are in a relationship they become decent law abiding citizens. He was put in Slytherin for a reason people!

Not only that, but it also turns them into mushy lovey dovey sick buckets. "Harry Baby" "Baby" "Har" "Drake" "Draco Baby" "Sweetums" (okay so i added the last one). Its like they turn them into straight teenage girls.

the increasing use of 'the blond' or 'the gryffindor' or 'the animagus' (alwasy spelt wrong) or 'the dad's best friend who was accused of killing him but was actually innocent and set up by the other best friend who can turn into a rat which is so suited to his character oh and the rat has a missing finger and the dad's best friend who was set up for killing him has dark hair' (okay so i made up that last one too). That gets on my tits too.

Also the song lyrics in the middle of a fic, i could understand if the character were perhaps listening to the radio and decided to sing along and dance about a bit (cuz lets face it we all do it) but having Christina Aguilera's beautiful used between paragraphs in like chapter 11 of a story that had not used any song lyrics or indicated it was a song fic, that really pisses me off.

I'm gonna stop now! i'm glad you took the time to note these things down, maybe people will not write it anymore! *crosses fingers*

kirsty
xxx

[capra-maritimus.livejournal.com]

Pretty much everything that's been mentioned, plus...

If the first paragraph is One. Page. Long. Or longer.

[shezan.livejournal.com]

- Aaaarghhhh... "the blond". Pet peeve of mine.
- "Mione".
- "Sev", or possibly even wrose, "Sevvy".
- "his entrance" (yes, that rude bit.)
- guys who cry. Unless it's a major breakdown, guys don't collapse in tears every five seconds.
- the "twinkle" in Dumbledore's eye.

There are more. I'm just tired right now...

[princesskirsty.livejournal.com]

his entrance annoys me too! i'm pissed off just thinking about it...

[ishafel.livejournal.com]

How about fics that refer to Draco as the blonde, as in feminine? And I read probably 400 words of a 3000 word fic the other day, before I realized the author wasn't using the spelling Luscious ironically. Using special punctuation to denote the characters' thoughts is what really gets me, though.

*gratuitous icon use*

[marksykins.livejournal.com]

Er, agreed. :D

[kyuuketsukirui.livejournal.com]

Pretty much everything you said. I am really not keen on description. In novels, I'll skip over a lot of it, especially with fantasy authors who go the Tolkien route. Robert Jordan, for example, will spend whole chapters describing new locations and it just puts me to sleep.

When I'm writing, I describe only stuff that I think the character whose POV I'm writing in would notice and I drop in little bits of description throughout the story, a line here and there rather than in big paragraph-long chunks.

Agreed on the first-time stuff, though, especially since I prefer stories that have sex first and love later, rather than having sex be the end goal.

Hmm, what else? Guys acting like hormonal teen girls. I don't know, it's hard to put my finger on it, but a lot of times it's just a general sense I get about a fic, and I can tell in the first few paragraphs that I'm not going to like it. It's just completely and utterly opposite my tastes. Sadly, the majority of slash falls into that category.

[helvirago]

Song lyrics incorporated into the text of the story. Just... no.

You know, I've even come to a compromise with song lyrics. I don't like them, I don't think they do anything for a story, but I'm willing to ignore them so long as they're not spoken. Some people will put song verses in between scenes -- it's like tabasco. You think it adds flavor, I think it's pointless -- I'll skip over! No problem. I'll reserve judgment on sung lyrics (99% chance it'll be crap, but then again there's "Hoggy Hoggy Hogwarts" so there's always the chance of an exception). But put quote marks around the verses of your favorite Metallica song in the middle of dialogue? Hello, no. I don't care how creepy and totally Snape it sounds, once you actually put the words "Hush little baby, don't say a word, and never mind that noise you heard" in his mouth, you've screwed the pooch. Er, jumped the shark. Can't remember if anybody else uses "screwed the pooch". In any case, your dark and ominous Snape has suddenly become a figure of ridicule and a 13-year-old, all at the same time.

I did make up the specific example, though obviously not the theme. Thank you for this chance to rant. Whew!

[dramaphile.livejournal.com]

I totally agree. I think song lyrics are acceptable as a little note at the beginning of the fic (as long as it's something meaningful and not Britney Spears which, so help me God I read once in a fic.)

I admit, I have written a pseudo songfic which used the theme of a song as inspiration(savage garden's "the lover after me")because I was 15 and lacking good plot inspiration, but there were NO SONG LYRICS in my fic!!! I feel like that's a more forgiveable option.

I also HATE it when people make someone dance to a song and then fall in lurve, even if it's within some larger fic *stabbity* It's so disgustingly cliche and quite frankly, when you're at some sort of school dance or club, who can really make out the lyrics of a song?