emmagrant01 | Badfic blues

Have you ever read the summary of a newly-posted fic, and thought it sounded like something you would like, only to be disappointed almost immediately? Like, in the first line?

This just happened to me ten seconds ago. I feel terrible about it, but ya know, if the fic contains a blatant grammatical error or misspelling in the very first line, it just shuts me down. I can't read on. Yeah, I know it's my loss, and that the fic might be great if I just overlooked that one error, but it says something to me about what I might find in the fic in general. My fandom time is limited, and it's my choice how to spend it. Why should I force myself to read fic that annoys me?

Other things that turn me off:
• Four paragraphs of backstory before there's any hint as to what the story is about.
• Excessive use of terms like "the blond" or "the Gryffindor".
• Unnecessary description in general. I don't need to know the details of what each character is wearing unless it's important for the story. Really.
• Song lyrics incorporated into the text of the story. Just... no.
• First-time sex followed by an immediate declaration of eternal love. *vomits*
• First-time sex that is perfect, complete with simultaneous orgasms. (Or maybe the author knows something I don't?)

So what does it for you? What will make you stop reading a fic and hit the back button as fast as you can?

ETA: Y'all really needed to get this shit out of your systems, didn't you? *grins*