Random Wednesdayness

[emmagrant01]

1. Not buying a permanent account. Nope.

2. sa_lulz is KILLING me, I swear!!

3. My new favorite catchphrase: "YOU ARE PROJECTING YOUR INTELLECTUALISM ONTO PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT." *snerk*

4. There was a great conversation about fandom burnout in the last episode of slashcast between charlotteschaos, gmth, and themostepotente, and one of the points they brought up was that they thought the proliferation of fic fests, challenges and exchanges in the last couple of years was a big contributing factor. And you know, that made SO much sense to me.

In the last year, every fic I've written has been for a challenge, exchange, or fest. Every single one. It's been a year since I've written something without a deadline, without having to worry about it meeting the standards of the person modding the fest, or without worrying that it wasn't going to measure up to someone else's expectations. It's been a whole year since I've written something just for me. o_0

And you know, I think that's almost entirely responsible for my fandom burnout in the last year. Writing has become a chore, something that feels an awful lot like work. I get an assignment with a deadline, and I spend weeks completely baffled about what I'm going to do, have to force myself to sit down and work on it, and end up pulling the equivalent of an all-nighter to get it done. The fics I've written in the last year have been okay, but I thought most of them could have been a lot better. And while it's true that there are some fics I would never have written otherwise (like Draco Malfoy is a Stupid Wanker), there haven't been any fics that I wrote because I was obsessive about a story and thought about it nonstop, for which the act of writing them down was actually pleasurable. I miss that.

I'm working on a fic now that's so ridiculously overdue for its fest that I've stopped worrying about the deadline. I'm taking my time with it, and I'm having more fun writing it than I can remember having in a long time. I think I'm going to lay off the fests for a while.

Comments

[sagcat.livejournal.com]

Brav-freaking-O to you. And I'm glad you've come to this realization. For yourself, and for the love of the art.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Spoken like one who came to it a while ago, methinks. ;-)

[kerryblaze.livejournal.com]

I stopped with the exchanges/fests/etc. One, I only write Harry/Ron. I only want to write Harry/Ron. Sure other pairings are fun and I wished that I had the time to explore them, but I don't. So with what little time that I have, I want to write them.

And...

I just don't work well up against deadlines. I force it. And it reads like it's forced.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

I can see how writing a single pairing could really make the fests difficult. My main pairing is so popular that it's never been a problem.

I can usually work pretty well against deadlines, but when I have a long string of deadlines all lined up with no space to write anything else, it really takes the fun out of it. And when it's not fun, I start to wonder why I'm doing it, you know? This was supposed to be something I did for pure enjoyment, not out of obligation.

[mizbean.livejournal.com]

I agree with you in part about the fic fests. I agonized over both my smutmas and my springsmut fics, wrote multiple drafts, drove my spouse crazy, and ended up not being happy with what I submitted. OTOH, I turned in two pinch hits this year, had a relatively stress-free experience writing them, and was privately happy with what I produced. I think without the added pressure to trying impress people (the giftee, fandom, whomever) allowed me to relax, have fun and just write. I may just do pinch hits from now on, although I did sign up for reversathon, which I'm trying very hard not to stress about right now.

I've also noticed that the fics being turned into these fic exchanges are getting longer and longer, and it's very hard to keep up with them, especially when 2 or 3 are posted a day. It can be very overwhelming if you want to keep with it all. (Me, who has a list set aside of all the current hd_holiday I still haven't had a chance to read yet.) And then you have half your flist disappearing to finish their overdue holidays fics, you wonder why some people aren't having fun anymore.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

You know, that's a good point. Even keeping up as a reader can be overwhelming. Rather than having fics posted regularly when people get them written over the course of a year, they seem to come in these rushes, so quickly you can't read them all. And because they're all so close together, it's even easier to hit the back button on a fic that doesn't catch your attention right away. After all, there are twenty more to read. :-P

I don't know if you listened to the discussion on slashcast, but they also talked about there being a sense in fandom that fic exchanges are getting competitive and that people feel pressure to write long plotty fics that will get lots of comments, and feel like they've failed if they don't do that. Most of those fests have 1000 word minimums, so it's sort of bizarre that it's gone that way.

[norton-gale.livejournal.com]

People feel pressure to write long plotty fics that will get lots of comments, and feel like they've failed if they don't do that.

Yes! There is a definite pressure to do that. Although length has nothing to do with quality (fic-wise, lol) I do notice the longer stories tend to get the most comments. Also, I feel like I can't give my giftees teeny fics when everyone else gets longer ones (despite the fact that a deftly written short fic is more satisfying than one which is longer but poorly done). When the fest isn't an exchange, my fics definitely tend to be shorter.

For newer and non-established writers, there's also a sense of auditioning with anonymous exchanges - will this fic get me an invite to such and such comm?-- which can also be stressful. It's easy to lose touch with the goal of just pleasing the giftee, and to try to please everyone. Then you look at your comments and the number of comments other fics got, and if yours got less you feel you've failed somehow.

Nevertheless: fests and exchanges do create excitement (at least the major ones do), and it also can stimulate authors to get writing, motivated by the ever-looming deadline.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

For newer and non-established writers, there's also a sense of auditioning with anonymous exchanges - will this fic get me an invite to such and such comm?-- which can also be stressful. It's easy to lose touch with the goal of just pleasing the giftee, and to try to please everyone.

I remember having several conversations with people writing for Smutmas last year who were struggling with that very issue. And even for people who are more "established" (like me, I guess), it's still stressful. There's this sense in which anon exchanges are a test to see if your fic is really any good or if people just read it because they recognize your name, you know?

I've definitely written some fics I'm proud of for exchanges, but it's taken the shine off of writing for me in the last year. I need to find that shine again, without deadlines and prompts. I'm hoping that reading the new book will be a big spark of shiny. ;-)

[norton-gale.livejournal.com]

I think the test aspect is one of the more exciting things about participating in anonymous exchanges, because all anyone has to go on is the fic itself. But I'd say in regard to the current wave of hd_holidays if you're not getting or don't get lots of comments once your fic posts, it doesn't mean the story isn't good- it could just be that it got lost in the shuffle. Three fics per day is more than most people have time for.

I loved DMiaSW, and I can't wait to read your HDH2 submission, if I haven't already.

I'm hoping that reading the new book will be a big spark of shiny. ;-)

Me too! Which is why I'm not going to start my the_eros_affair fic until I finish DH. My prompt is Draco to Harry: I promise to turn you gay for me, and if Harry survives in the end, that's the very next thing that should happen. ;)

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

if you're not getting or don't get lots of comments once your fic posts, it doesn't mean the story isn't good- it could just be that it got lost in the shuffle.

Yes, absolutely. I have read exactly one hd_holidays fic so far because I have been busy with other things. Bad Emma! I should go over there right now and spend my lunch reading a few...

[mizbean.livejournal.com]

there being a sense in fandom that fic exchanges are getting competitive and that people feel pressure to write long plotty fics that will get lots of comments, and feel like they've failed if they don't do that.

I definitely felt that pressure at smutmas, especially when I saw people on my flist gloating about their word counts! In all honesty I prefer to read shorter fics (not that I don't like the long, epic story now and then).

Thanks for the reminder about slashcast

[asimplechord.livejournal.com]

I think y'all have a point. I've had one exchange after another since Christmas, and I'm completely not interested in the fandom for which I'm writing right now. It just feels forced; I'm not reading and I'm not writing or chatting. Hopefully a break, and then the release of Deathly Hallows and then the quiet (followed by a huge explosion of new ideas) will get everyone who's feeling burnout back on track.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

I hope so too. I have some ideas for fics I'd like to write, and I'm basically waiting to see how canon turns out so I can get started. I have a fic in for hd_holidays and another one I'll post before DH, and it's weird to think both of those could be jossed in just a few weeks. :-P

[krissielee.livejournal.com]

See, my fandom burnout is a different case.

I found a new fandom. And that fandom is rotting my brain. And like, I want to work on TS, but then I get tempted away with some nice Clex RP, or a fluffy fic idea, and there goes my HP ideas right out the window. *sigh*

Eventually I'll get done with TS--I just want one more chapter. That's it. One more, and I'll feel better. It won't be done, but I won't feel as bad as waiting 5 months for the words to come.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Hee! I haven't found another fandom that's captured me like HP has. I thought Buffy might do it for a few months, but it just wasn't the same. In the end, it should be fun, you know? I don't begrudge people who leave for something that makes them happier. I think 2003-2005 was an amazing time to be in the HP fandom, between OOTP and HBP, and I'm not sure if it will feel like that again. Things seemed to change after HBP, like people could sense the end was coming and that they might not like it.

I'm sure I'll still be around after DH, but it will be interesting to see what happens to the rest of the fandom.

[krissielee.livejournal.com]

I'll still be around, but that new pairing just kind of sparkles happily right now. Smallville fails at plot, but the UST? So much win.

I really did enjoy HBP, though. It's my favourite book, because even with the fanficcy elements (zombie armies, wtf), and the total GinnySue, it was a great story. I'm looking forward to DH simply because I want the resolution. Not that I think Harry's going to live (not that I want him dead, mind), but because I need that closure. It's like ending a romance, only with less real kissing and more kissing vicariously through fictional people.

It will be fun. I'm looking forward to the rash of AUs and pre-DH fics that come out. :D

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Yes, I agree with that. I also find that I'm a much pickier reader when I'm reading through exchange fics. There are fifty or so to pick from, and that makes me a lot more likely to hit the back button if a fic doesn't grab me in the first 500 words. And surprise, surprise, the fics I end up reading are largely those that turn out to have been written by people I already know.

[stormwynd.livejournal.com]

Back in 2005, I waffled for about 12 hours and then ponied up for a permanent account. The way I figured it, the break-even point was 6 years, andI figured I was going to likely stick around LJ for at least that long.

I'm with you re: the whole fic exchange thing. However, I've also found that keeping myself signed up for one fest during the school year is a great way to force myself to keep writing -- otherwise, I tend to let school-related things totally swallow up all my time.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

I've never been interested in getting a permanent account, I think because I've been involved in fandom in a few different places in the last five years, with LJ being the latest. I like LJ, and I hope it remains a place for fandom, but you never know. In three years, we could all be hanging out somewhere else. :-P

There are definitely good things about fic exchanges, and I've written some fics I'm very proud of as a result of participating in them. But I need to stop signing up for so many of them that I don't have time to write anything else. :-P

who is that guy?

[calmnla.livejournal.com]

I have to go back to comment on the loud guy with more decibels than brains. OMG I avoid people like that but I forced myself to listen so I don't forget people like that exist. Sometimes I wish I had a degree in psychology so I could distance myself and place him in categories for understanding what happened to him to warp him like that. But I don't. I lost track of how many times he used his tagline about "projecting intellectualism" which I have to think somebody must have once told him just before he was laughed at by a roomful of people, such a humiliating experience it stayed with him and he now - ahem - projects his flaw onto people who have no idea what he is talking about. Maybe I do deserve that degree. The freaky thing is, I can't figure out what he is - what his stance is. Mostly he seems to enjoy telling women what's what. Ick.

Re: who is that guy?

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

I know! I've listened to it twice, and it's hard to figure out what he's actually trying to say. It's like he's enjoying hearing himself make intellectual-sounding remarks and isn't really listening to what the other person is saying at all. :-P

[incunabulist.livejournal.com]

Yep. I signed up for reversathon and I lucked into a really good request. And up till about two days ago, I was having a lot of fun writing the fic. But the deadline is looming, and I'm realising I want to drag it out a lot more than I've got time for. Plus stressing over the whole "wait, crap, is this even good enough? Is it too fluffy? Is it too angsty? Is all this dialogue really boring?" thing. And it's less fun.

But at the same time, I'm a chronic non-finisher (something like 25 WIPs on my hard drive), and I know I'd probably never finish this if it weren't for the deadline, so I'm grateful for the kick in the arse. Possibly I can't really talk, though, because I haven't been in fandom (well, participating, anyway) long enough to get properly burnt out. But there does seem to be a dearth of work lately that wasn't done for some fest.

I sort of toyed with the idea of an anti-fest, with no prompts and no deadlines, but then I wondered if anyone would actually get anything done.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

There really are pros and cons to fic exchanges, and I've definitely gotten a lot out of them. But in the last six months, they started to take the fun out of writing for me, I think. So I really need to back away from them, and just write stuff I want to write.

I sort of toyed with the idea of an anti-fest, with no prompts and no deadlines, but then I wondered if anyone would actually get anything done.

LOL! That's pretty funny, actually!

[photograficnerd.livejournal.com]

Good for you. You definitely should write for the love and for the art that it is. All that forced creativity is left back in school. :P

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

It did start to feel forced, which was why it seemed like time to stop signing up for them. :-P

[ldybastet.livejournal.com]

That conversation about burnout is interesting. I have also experienced that I am writing mostly for various fests or challenges, with attached deadlines, and practically never just for me. I think I have managed one story that was not for any kind of challenge or something like that the last year. It really is leaving very little fun for me. I just feel incredibly stressed about fandom these days.

You mentioned in the comments that the time between OotP and HBP was a fantastic one, and I really have to agree with that! :-) I loved fandom so much then. It was inspiring and so much fun to play with various theories and subtexts. HBP killed so much for me, and I don't think I really managed to pick myself up altogether from it. And with the imminent release of DH, there's another deadline. It's easy to feel that one has to finish all the fics waiting before then. At least I feel that way. And I know that I can't.

*mumbles* Just three more fics and then no more signing up for anything...*/mumbling*

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

It really can be stressful, and I have no one to blame but myself. So I'm going to stop signing up for these until I feel like I need a challenge again.

And yeah, DH really does feel like a huge looming deadline, doesn't it?

[carnimiriel.livejournal.com]

3. My new favorite catchphrase: "YOU ARE PROJECTING YOUR INTELLECTUALISM ONTO PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT." *snerk*

I actually sat through this live since I was watching the webcast of the Drama Desk Awards. When I found someone had uploaded the clip to YT the next day, I couldn't resist posting it on my LJ either. Isn't it jaw-droppingly asinine?

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

That is SO hysterical! I wonder if that guy knows he's infamous?

[pir8fancier.livejournal.com]

Yes, I completely agree. I was EXCEPTIONALLY lucky that the requests were vague enough that I was able to tailor plot bunnies I already had in my brain, so I didn't end up writing something I had no passion about. And, yes, the stories I wrote got a lot of positive vibes in fandom (Lush Life, This Boy's Life, and Help Wanted), but I had already invested quite a bit of mental time on these stories.

I am ridiculously proud of these stories, but it also meant that the WIPS that I have vowed to finish did NOT get written, and here we are, a month before the last book comes out.

Also, the longer plotty stories? I can't seem to say anything under 20,000 words any more. Really and truly. And tying myself to a fest or challenge now means a HUGE time investment. One that I'm not willing to make anymore.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

I have a WIP that I started on a year and a half ago and never could get anything done on for all the challenge fics I signed up to do. And now it's pointless to continue until after DH. I guess I'd like to know if I'm canon compliant or completely AU before I jump back in. ;-)

And tying myself to a fest or challenge now means a HUGE time investment. One that I'm not willing to make anymore.

Yes, absolutely. I can't seem to write a 4000 word story anymore. Everything is long and plotty, and those take time. If I actually started them when I got my assignment it would be fine, but I'm usually still working on a few other challenge fics. It becomes a vicious cycle of sorts. :-P

When I get that fic rewritten, would you mind taking another look at it? It will probably be in the next week.

[pir8fancier.livejournal.com]

Of course! I'd be happy to.

[snottygrrl.livejournal.com]

i have a permanent account but mostly because i felt that lj deserved real cash for the amount of things i'md gained from using them. i've worked in the computer biz and i know that it takes wads of cash to make things work. not that i don't think they're doin okay, but i felt it was only fair, especially when it meant i didn't have to ever worry about doin payments again and got heaps of icon space.

and word on the fests. i've just stopped myself. will probably only do a remix sometime in the future if i get a chance. part of my drive to do them was to get known, but the fest really haven't helped with that much and my fic has suffered from the forced nature of the writing. it's too bad.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

I'm not going to buy a permanent account because there's just no way of knowing if this is where fandom will be located three or four years down the line. I've been in fandom long enough to see it move with technology a few times, and I guess I'm not ready to commit to any one spot. The recent Strikethrough debacle was a big reminder of that. Something like that will likely happen again, and if it's bad enough fandom will move. And I'll move with it, most likely. ;-)

[jenab.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean about all the challenges and exchanges. I can't remember the last time I finished a story that wasn't for a challenge or longer than 500 words.

I'm trying this year to do that and stay away from all exchanges except yuletide which is one I always enjoy.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

I've heard people say there isn't as much pressure in Yuletide. Do you think that's true?

[jenab.livejournal.com]

I feel the pressure is the same in regards to making sure the deadline is met and the recipient will like it. What I love about the exchange and what keeps me coming back is the community spirit and glee surrounding it starting with the fandom suggestions posts. Not only am I writing a story but I'm also falling in love again with a show and all that entails.

There is nothing quite like reviewing the canon source and remembering why you loved it in the first place. And most of the other participants are also going through that same renewed fandom love.

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

Hmm. I would say that fests have actually helped me write more the past couple of years. The first couple of years in HP fandom, I wrote because of the glee of it, without need for a deadline (though there were a number of fests even then, which bunnied me and did give me some schedule). But more recently, the ideas have been "hey, there's a thought; wish I had the motivation to write the whole thing..." And fests have helped give me that motivation.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

I can see that, absolutely. But in my case, I think my writing output has become more about quantity than quality in the last year, and I really regret that. It's my own fault, of course -- I'm the one who signed up for way too many things and then got all stressed out about completing them. So I need to not sign up for anything for a while and see if that old motivation is still there. :-P

[frances-veritas.livejournal.com]

I hate it when writing has become a chore. It's not like your job so you should never feel obligated to do it. It's suppose to be fun.

I would hate to read a fic by you knowing you were so stressed over writing it and didn't enjoy it at all. You're one of my favorite writers in fandom and a pretty kick ass person in general. I'm glad that you're taking your time and having fun with writing again. :-)

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

I hope it's not completely obvious which fics were written under duress, heh. But there have been a few times that my betas sent them back to me and said it seemed like my heart wasn't in it, in which cases I asked for extensions and tried to find something in the fic to be passionate about. And yes, that was when it started feeling like work. :-P