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emmagrant01I am really, really frustrated right now, and I need to vent.
Back in January, I learned that one of the activities at Lumos would be the Magical Night Classes (MNC), in which people could sign up for and attend "Hogwarts" classes on Friday night. They were looking for Professors for the classes, and I thought, "Hey, I could teach Arithmancy!" I'm a math teacher, after all, and I've given lots of workshops for kids on fun things in math. I have a lot of experience teaching people all the fun and cool things they can do with math. And I've always wanted to put together a little workshop on mathematical magic tricks, so this seemed perfect.
So when the call went up, I submitted my proposal. I was under the impression from both the information in the call and personal communications with the organizers that what they were looking for was that people plan a half-hour-long interactive, hands-on workshop for about 25 participants, and then do it four times during the evening. So I submitted my proposal with this in mind. How fantastic, I was thinking -- an opportunity to combine two things I really love: math and fandom. I even toyed with the idea of teaching the class under my real name so I could put this on my CV. (I decided against that pretty quickly, but still.)
So when my proposal was accepted, I was elated. I started planning, and even tried out some of my activities on my students.
And then a couple of months ago, we instructors were told that instead of having classes of 25, we would have classes of 50. Eeep. That upset me, because it meant that my original vision of a workshop was no longer feasible, and that all of the activities I'd developed and tried out in my own classes were now unusable. But I wasn't in the same position as the potions and herbology professors, of course, so I threw out my plans and decided I'd just have to put together a presentation. I was determined to keep it as interactive as possible, so I worked on developing specific activities for a larger group. And I just finished that last night, after doing more research and committing myself to paying for 200 copies of my substantial handout.
And then this morning, I get an email from the MNC director saying that word had come down from the "Minister of Magic" that there would be no caps on the class sizes at all due to popular interest. So I could have as many as 125 people in each of my classes, maybe more if people are willing to stand in the back.
My first thought was, "What the fuck? Am I the only person here who knows anything about teaching?"
And that was about the point where I finally realized that we aren't actually expected to teach anything. This will be "The Hogwarts Show", with the professors as the cast. And as that realization dawned, things people had said they were planning to do and say in their classes came back into my mind, things that hadn't registered before about what their costume would look like and what dialogue they were planning to say and so on. Things that always baffled me, because I had been laboring under the impression that our goal was to actually teach people something. Silly me.
Fuck. Fuckityfuckfuck. I am really NOT happy about this. I'm a teacher, you know? I'm not an actor. I don't want to get on a stage and play a role in front of 125+ people four times. I don't want to put on a costume and pretend to be something I'm not. The very idea of it makes me want to roll my eyes and make that barfy gesture with my finger. If I'd known this was what the MNC were going to be, I would never have submitted a proposal. I wouldn't have been interested, because I'm just not into role-playing. (Nothing against people who are, of course. It's just not my thing and makes me really uncomfortable.)
I must be a complete idiot, though, because this didn't seem to surprise any of the other "professors" in the "cast". No one other than me was planning to actually teach people something, as far as I can tell. And god, I wish I could just throw up my hands and say, "Hey, you know what? I quit. This is really not my thing." But I can't. It's too late. And I'm fucking up a creek, because I have to do something that goes against everything I believe about teaching and learning not once, but four times. I can do that, and I will, but I'm disappointed and frustrated with the whole situation.
At every point, I've expressed my opinion about the changes, and each and every time, the poor MNC director has been unable to make the people above her listen. They don't give a shit, because really, we're putting on a show here. That's all that counts, in the end.
And for the first time, I'm not looking forward to Lumos. Or to teaching math, and that fucking breaks my heart.
Back in January, I learned that one of the activities at Lumos would be the Magical Night Classes (MNC), in which people could sign up for and attend "Hogwarts" classes on Friday night. They were looking for Professors for the classes, and I thought, "Hey, I could teach Arithmancy!" I'm a math teacher, after all, and I've given lots of workshops for kids on fun things in math. I have a lot of experience teaching people all the fun and cool things they can do with math. And I've always wanted to put together a little workshop on mathematical magic tricks, so this seemed perfect.
So when the call went up, I submitted my proposal. I was under the impression from both the information in the call and personal communications with the organizers that what they were looking for was that people plan a half-hour-long interactive, hands-on workshop for about 25 participants, and then do it four times during the evening. So I submitted my proposal with this in mind. How fantastic, I was thinking -- an opportunity to combine two things I really love: math and fandom. I even toyed with the idea of teaching the class under my real name so I could put this on my CV. (I decided against that pretty quickly, but still.)
So when my proposal was accepted, I was elated. I started planning, and even tried out some of my activities on my students.
And then a couple of months ago, we instructors were told that instead of having classes of 25, we would have classes of 50. Eeep. That upset me, because it meant that my original vision of a workshop was no longer feasible, and that all of the activities I'd developed and tried out in my own classes were now unusable. But I wasn't in the same position as the potions and herbology professors, of course, so I threw out my plans and decided I'd just have to put together a presentation. I was determined to keep it as interactive as possible, so I worked on developing specific activities for a larger group. And I just finished that last night, after doing more research and committing myself to paying for 200 copies of my substantial handout.
And then this morning, I get an email from the MNC director saying that word had come down from the "Minister of Magic" that there would be no caps on the class sizes at all due to popular interest. So I could have as many as 125 people in each of my classes, maybe more if people are willing to stand in the back.
My first thought was, "What the fuck? Am I the only person here who knows anything about teaching?"
And that was about the point where I finally realized that we aren't actually expected to teach anything. This will be "The Hogwarts Show", with the professors as the cast. And as that realization dawned, things people had said they were planning to do and say in their classes came back into my mind, things that hadn't registered before about what their costume would look like and what dialogue they were planning to say and so on. Things that always baffled me, because I had been laboring under the impression that our goal was to actually teach people something. Silly me.
Fuck. Fuckityfuckfuck. I am really NOT happy about this. I'm a teacher, you know? I'm not an actor. I don't want to get on a stage and play a role in front of 125+ people four times. I don't want to put on a costume and pretend to be something I'm not. The very idea of it makes me want to roll my eyes and make that barfy gesture with my finger. If I'd known this was what the MNC were going to be, I would never have submitted a proposal. I wouldn't have been interested, because I'm just not into role-playing. (Nothing against people who are, of course. It's just not my thing and makes me really uncomfortable.)
I must be a complete idiot, though, because this didn't seem to surprise any of the other "professors" in the "cast". No one other than me was planning to actually teach people something, as far as I can tell. And god, I wish I could just throw up my hands and say, "Hey, you know what? I quit. This is really not my thing." But I can't. It's too late. And I'm fucking up a creek, because I have to do something that goes against everything I believe about teaching and learning not once, but four times. I can do that, and I will, but I'm disappointed and frustrated with the whole situation.
At every point, I've expressed my opinion about the changes, and each and every time, the poor MNC director has been unable to make the people above her listen. They don't give a shit, because really, we're putting on a show here. That's all that counts, in the end.
And for the first time, I'm not looking forward to Lumos. Or to teaching math, and that fucking breaks my heart.
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no subject
Date: 2006-07-19 08:42 pm (UTC)And you are not a complete idiot, you just went into this with a different perception than others. You want to teach, they want to perform.
Ugh. All I can suggest is that you do your best, take it with a grain of salt and try to have as much fun as possible, under the circumstances.
no subject
Date: 2006-07-19 08:47 pm (UTC)