OMG so bored!
Oct. 27th, 2005 02:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
emmagrant01I usually don't have time to get bored at work, but right now I am SO bored. I have to sit in this room for another half hour with NOTHING to do but wait.
So tell me a joke, please? Make me laugh? Tell me an interesting but true fact that I probably didn't know before?
*bats eyelashes*
So tell me a joke, please? Make me laugh? Tell me an interesting but true fact that I probably didn't know before?
*bats eyelashes*
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-10-27 07:57 pm (UTC)http://www.dcs.gla.ac.uk/Ansible/thog.html
no subject
Date: 2005-10-27 08:01 pm (UTC)Thanks!
no subject
Date: 2005-10-27 07:59 pm (UTC)(What?? I've always been obsessive!)
no subject
Date: 2005-10-27 08:02 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2005-10-27 08:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-27 08:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-27 08:03 pm (UTC)...why no, I didn't go through anything like that this morning? Not at all. Why do you ask?
no subject
Date: 2005-10-27 08:04 pm (UTC)My mom has similar stories about my step-brothers. I was a little angel in comparison... ;-)
no subject
Date: 2005-10-27 08:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-27 08:06 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:A Joke
Date: 2005-10-27 08:04 pm (UTC)surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to
arrive, Mr. Hebert kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be
here soon".
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang
the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. I've come to...."
Wife - "Oh, no need to explain. Come in," Mrs. Hebert cut in. "Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! My specialty is babies." "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat." After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
Photographer - "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub,
one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too. You can really spread out!"
Wife - "Bathtub, couch, bed, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for my husband and me."
Photographer - "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time.
But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven
angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
Wife - "My, my, that's a lot of...."
Photographer - "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd
love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."
Wife (muttering)- "Don't I know it."
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus."
Wife - "Oh my god!"
Photographer - "And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you
consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
Wife - "She was difficult?"
Photographer - "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right People were crowding around four and five deep,
pushing to get a good look."
Wife - "Four and five deep?" (eyes wide in amazement).
Photographer - "Yes, and for more than three hours, too. The mother was
constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate! Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Wife (leaning forward) - "You mean they actually chewed on your ....
equipment?"
Photographer - "That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work"
Wife - "Tripod?"
Photographer - "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's
much too big for me to hold very long. Madam? Madam? Good Lord, she's
fainted!"
Re: A Joke
Date: 2005-10-27 08:08 pm (UTC)"Don't I know it." Hee!
no subject
Date: 2005-10-27 08:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-27 08:08 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:a silly joke
Date: 2005-10-27 08:14 pm (UTC)the other says...
"OH MY GOD, A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!!"
Re: a silly joke
Date: 2005-10-27 08:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-27 08:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-27 08:30 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2005-10-27 08:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-27 08:31 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:Another Joke
Date: 2005-10-27 08:22 pm (UTC)So he called upon one of His angels and sent the angel down to Earth for a time.
When the angel returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not."
God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down another angel down to get second opinion."
So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time too.
When the angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true. The Earth is in decline, 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being very good."
God was not pleased. So He decided to e-mail the 5% that were good, because
He wanted to encourage them. Give them a little something to help them keep going.
Do you know what the e-mail said....???
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> Okay, I was just wondering, I didn't get one either...!
Re: Another Joke
Date: 2005-10-27 08:31 pm (UTC)Re: Another Joke
From:Re: Another Joke
From:no subject
Date: 2005-10-27 08:23 pm (UTC)(Supposed true story)
A lady calls for technical support (outside her buildting) because her computer isn't working. The tech goes through the usuall first-level support (do you see any lights, do you hear any sounds, do you really know what an 'on-switch' is?) and finally asks the lady to check behind her computer. The lady says she can't.
"It's dark back there, I can't see."
"Then could you get a light to shine on it?"
"No, I can't." (testy)
"Is there another light you could use to see back there?"
"NO, there ISN'T, there are NO lights because the POWER IS OUT."
"OH! I see. Yes, I know exactly what the problem is. Do you still have the boxes everything came in?"
"Yes, they're in the closet. Why?"
"Good. Get them out and put the computer back into the boxes, just as they were when you bought them, and take them back."
"Gracious! Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"What do I tell them when I return it?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
no subject
Date: 2005-10-27 08:33 pm (UTC)Mitch Hedberg quotes
Date: 2005-10-27 08:33 pm (UTC)"I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide..."
"Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupis... one of those two doesn't sound right."
"I opened-up a yogurt, underneath the lid it said, "Please try again." because they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I opened the yogurt wrong. ...Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me... "Come on Mitchell, don't give up!" An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top."
"I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughtnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, Don't even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here... It's in my file at home. ...Under "D".
"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."
Re: Mitch Hedberg quotes
Date: 2005-10-27 08:37 pm (UTC)Re: Mitch Hedberg quotes
From:Re: Mitch Hedberg quotes
From:Re: Mitch Hedberg quotes
From:Re: Mitch Hedberg quotes
From:no subject
Date: 2005-10-27 08:38 pm (UTC)Also...*plucks random facts out of air* Reno, Nevada is west of Los Angeles, California. Health experts estimate that up to 93% of silicone breast implants rupture within 10 years. Aaaaand...pound for pound, hamburgers cost more than new cars. :D
no subject
Date: 2005-10-27 09:00 pm (UTC)Here's somebody else's, but click on "make" and you can make your own flipbook here: http://www.fabrica.it/flipbook/flipbook_player.php?id=1128468935-2166145209
And you can talk to God here: http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/
These two sites are so great that I had to make actual lj postings about them. :)
no subject
Date: 2005-10-27 10:10 pm (UTC)(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2005-10-27 11:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-27 11:46 pm (UTC)* The 3 most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
* It's possible to lead a cow upstairs ... but not downstairs.
* The fingerprints of koala bears are virtually indistinguishable from those of humans, so much so that they could be confused at a crime scene.
* Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a "Friday the 13th."
* Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades -- King David
Clubs -- Alexander the Great
Hearts -- Charlemagne
Diamonds -- Julius Caesar
* A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
no subject
Date: 2005-10-29 12:17 am (UTC)(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2005-10-28 12:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-28 01:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-28 01:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-28 01:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-28 01:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-28 01:23 am (UTC)(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2005-10-28 04:39 pm (UTC)He had an edifice complex. *g*