Series: Missing/Alternate Scenes from "A Cure for Boredom" (8/?)

[emmagrant01]

Series: Missing and Alternate Scenes for A Cure for Boredom
Author: Emma Grant
Fandom/Pairing: Sherlock BBC, John/Sherlock, John/others
Index of all missing and alternate scenes

Alternate scene 3.1
Rating: NC-17
Length: 3400 words
Summary: Set during chapter 3. The Monday after, from Sherlock's POV.
Alternate link: On AO3



"Sorry to have disappointed you."

"Oh no, it's quite all right. My expectations weren't terribly high."

John sighed. "Yes, after the last few days I suppose they weren't." He stood and walked to the kitchen with his empty mug, leaving Sherlock to parse that last comment. Did he think Sherlock had somehow been disappointed by John's performance at the sex club?

"What have the last few days got to do with it?"

"Nothing." John emerged from the kitchen. "I'm going out for the afternoon. When should I be back?"

Apparently the conversation about John's sexual history was over. Sherlock stared up at the ceiling. "Whenever you like."

John crossed to the coat rack and took his weathered jacket in hand. Sherlock desperately wanted to burn it and force him to buy another one. But then, every discussion they'd ever had about John's utter lack of taste in clothing had ended with something being hurled at Sherlock's head (usually something soft, but the hurling was the point here), followed by a solid day of John scowling at him. It wasn't worth the effort anymore.

John pushed one arm through a too-long sleeve. "I meant, what time are we leaving?"

"For what?"

"The club." John's eyeroll was evident from the tone of his voice.

"We aren't going tonight." He couldn't resist a quick glance over at John, who was standing still and frowning, the jacket hanging off of one arm. He looked genuinely disappointed.

"But… why not?"

"It's Monday."

"And… there's no sex on Mondays?"

Sherlock nearly smiled at that. "The club is only open Thursday through Sunday."

"Ah. All right then."

Sherlock turned to watch him thrust his other arm through a sleeve and zip his jacket. John's shoulders had relaxed in the last few seconds and his expression had returned to neutral. He was clearly relieved that they would be visiting the club again. It seemed that he wanted to continue as much as Sherlock did. Sherlock felt a surge of pleasure at the thought.

"Have a good walk then." Sherlock's gaze lingered on John a moment more before he turned back to the ceiling.

"When did I say I was going for a walk?" There was a hint of humor in John's voice.

Rhetorical, perhaps even teasing. No reply required. John could probably by now delineate all the things Sherlock would have observed that pointed to his intention to get some exercise. Sherlock smiled at the ceiling.

John's footsteps receded on the stairs and the door below opened, the sound of street traffic increasing slightly before the door closed once more. Sherlock stood and stepped on and over the sofa table on his way to the window to watch John walk away. John's hands were shoved in his pockets and his stride was long, taking him away from the flat as quickly as possible. Or was that away from Sherlock?

Sherlock watched until he disappeared from view. John seemed unperturbed by the events of last night. He'd slept in, taken a long shower, lingered over the paper and coffee, and generally acted as he did any other morning when he hadn't the evening prior been involved in a threesome and then tossed off by a man he'd only just met. Sherlock, on the other hand, had spent the night running through a dozen scenarios of how horribly this enterprise could end.

One question came to the forefront each time a spot of hope bubbled to the surface: was John's experience with Ryan a fluke, a singular experimental occurrence, or was John in fact open to sex with men? He'd intended to ask this morning, but John had shut down the conversation and left before he'd had a chance. Everything had happened so easily the night before; once John had worked out what was going to happen, he'd lost his anxiety and enjoyed it. He hadn't hesitated; he hadn't objected. Whatever Sherlock asked of him, he simply did, no questions asked. It was… he closed his eyes.

Dangerous. It was dangerous, and it would only end badly. He'd push John too far just once, and it would be over. It was inevitable, like lighting a match and watching it burn to a nub in your fingers.

On the other hand, John had been disappointed they weren't returning to the club tonight, hadn't he? He'd nearly panicked when Sherlock said they weren't going, almost as if he'd thought they would never go again. He was enjoying this, more than Sherlock had anticipated. Sherlock could say the same for himself -- except that with each visit he felt himself sink a bit deeper, the way out of this just a bit further away. It wouldn't be long before there would be no turning back, no way to repair their friendship. It was a terrifying thought.

He cleared his mind and turned to pick up his violin. He needed not to think about this for a while.

*****

Bisexuality, it turned out, was an elusive concept to research. He spent a good part of the afternoon reading everything he could find, from academic papers in the Journal of Human Sexuality to porn sites with "testimonials" from people (mostly women, though a good half of these had clearly been written by men) who claimed to have been 100 percent heterosexual prior to a singular sexual encounter that changed their lives. Those were primarily salacious, obviously written to arouse the reader. Many were accompanied by amateur pornographic photos.

Then there were the sites claiming bisexuality didn't exist, some pointing to experiments measuring the arousal of people with various self-reported sexual orientations, with the finding that human beings were either homosexual or heterosexual, despite any self-identification. There were personal accounts decrying those studies and pointing out the flaws in the research design, particularly in the way data were collected and analyzed. There were angry blog posts claiming bisexuals were actually gay, in denial, and harming homosexuals with their "lies." Other articles written by religious conservatives cited Bible verses and condemned all relationships outside of traditional heterosexual marriage.

By the time Sherlock heard John's footsteps on the stairs, none of it had coalesced into a sensible picture of what bisexuality might look like and whether or not it might apply to John. He frowned at the computer screen.

John opened the door and stripped off his coat before crossing to the sofa and sitting on the opposite end. He said nothing for three minutes, which was uncharacteristically thoughtful of him. He usually had no qualms about interrupting Sherlock's concentration to ask him an asinine question.

"How's the data analysis going?" he asked at last.

Rhetorical; a pathetic attempt at starting conversation. Sherlock kept his focus on the computer screen and sidestepped John's awkward effort for a better one. "Did you bring it?"

"Bring what?"

"I asked you to look for a copy of QX while you were out."

"You do realize that when I'm not here, I can't actually hear you?"

Sherlock clenched his jaw. He'd watched John leave this time, for God's sake. "I texted you."

John pulled his phone from his pocket and thumbed at the screen. "Sorry, I never heard it ding. What's QX, anyway?"

"Just something for research. It can wait until morning." It was all online anyway; he'd simply thought the print adverts would provide some interesting information. Perhaps the same adverts would appear in the online version as well? He opened a new browser window and began typing.

John sighed and settled back into the sofa. A minute or so passed in silence, and then John sighed again, rather melodramatically. "I had a fairly miserable night out, in case you were wondering."

"I wasn't." Sherlock turned to look at him. What was this about? John's evening activities were obvious enough: multiple pints of beer, perhaps at more than one pub, likely alone. John had expressed a desire to be alone and hadn't invited Sherlock along. Not that Sherlock would have gone, but he'd assumed John would ring Stamford or Lestrade or someone to go with him if he'd wanted company. His facial expression was a bit dour, but that could be the result of any number of things that had-- oh. Of course. "Oh, is this where I'm supposed to ask you to tell me about it?"

"Yes, that's the expected response to a friend saying they've had a miserable evening." John gave him one of those hurt puppy looks that he seemed to think had an effect on Sherlock. Had the man learned nothing in the last year?

Sherlock turned back to his laptop. "Fine. What happened?"

"Well, if you must know, I spent the better part of three hours in two different pubs chatting up half a dozen women, and every single one of them rejected me."

Sherlock stopped typing and turned to look at him again. An unexpected spike of jealousy curled through his belly. "You went out with the intention of meeting someone?"

"Yes, and I failed spectacularly."

Of course he did. John was pants at chatting up women; they both knew it. He tried too hard and unerringly chose the wrong women. Sherlock had on more occasions than he cared to count watched John chat up a woman who had zero interest in him while another woman John barely noticed watched him longingly. He'd never pointed that out, of course. John was markedly less useful when dating someone he had no future with; if he actually dated someone compatible, Sherlock might lose him altogether. "Why?"

"That's exactly the question, yes. I had four straight nights of spectacular sex arranged by you, but on my own I can't get a woman to let me buy her a drink."

"Three nights, not four. And I meant, why did you want to meet someone?"

"Because I'm horny, Sherlock. I got off four nights in a row and now I've apparently been conditioned to need it on a daily basis."

"We only went to the club three nights." He was on the verge of reminding John of each encounter when it occurred to him that John might be including the night they'd wanked on the sofa. "Are you counting the night we…" He broke off, unable to bring himself to complete the sentence. Oh God, what if he was?

John's eyes widened slightly; even in the dim light of the room his blush was obvious. He had been and hadn't realized it. "Three nights, of course. Last night seemed like two nights, I suppose. My point is, none of it has helped me a bit. I'm still just as hopeless with women as before, only now I know exactly what I'm missing."

Sherlock rolled his eyes and turned back to the spreadsheet. "It's only three more days until the club is open again. You couldn't wait that long?"

John groaned and closed his eyes. "I only wanted to find someone who'd suck my dick. After the sex club, I didn't think it'd be that difficult."

Sherlock almost smiled at that. The idea of John going out to find a partner without him was a bit disconcerting, more so than he would have expected. But the fact that John had failed so miserably and seemed reluctant to try again was rather intriguing. If he came to depend on Sherlock to procure sexual partners for him, this entire experiment might go on longer than Sherlock had dared to hope.

He hadn't expected John's sexual appetite to be quite so voracious, but if the idea of waiting three days was too much to bear, Sherlock could work with that. He could always collect more data, after all. It might be interesting to see if the same strategies would work outside the sex club, now that he considered it. It would be an interesting challenge, if nothing else. He could probably scan the clientele of a given bar and pick out women who'd be willing to suck John off by the way they dressed.

In fact, he was certain he could. "Want me to do it for you?"

John went completely still. "What?"

"If you're that desperate, I will. Three more days of you moping around the flat will completely destroy my concentration." There was a benefit for him as well, but John didn't need to know that. They might have more success at a gay bar, though. He wondered if John would be willing to consider men tonight. Or was it too soon for that? He googled central London gay clubs.

John was eerily silent for a long moment. When he finally spoke, his voice sounded strained. "I don't… I… Are you sure?"

"It's not as if it would be a hardship. I'm at an impasse with my analysis anyway and could use a bit more data." He turned to look at John and was caught off-guard by the expression of complete shock on his face.

"This is insane, Sherlock."

Well, insane was a bit extreme. Unusual, perhaps. Was it too soon? Was the difference between a sex club and a bar that terribly great?

"It's no different than what we’ve done the last few nights. Certainly the women in a bar are less of a sure thing, but the gay boyfriend routine seems to work well enough. Give me two minutes to finish this up and I'll change clothes. Where should we go?"

John stared at him a moment more and then something changed on his face. He exhaled and looked up at the ceiling. "You know, I'm knackered. I think I'll take a shower and go to bed. Thanks, though."

Sherlock shrugged and tried to hide his disappointment. "I'll be up for a while if you change your mind."

John turned away from Sherlock as he stood, and walked to the bathroom a bit awkwardly. It wasn't until he closed the door behind him that Sherlock realized he might have had an erection. If the thought of going out to a bar to find a sexual partner had been that arousing, why had he changed his mind so quickly?

He replayed the conversation in his mind, but nothing stood out as unusual. What would have worked John up like that? He closed his eyes and watched it all again, the words unfolding slowly in his mind, all the details sharper this time. John had been shocked when he'd suggested they--

Oh. He nearly dropped the laptop in his haste to set it aside. He covered his face with his hands as his cheeks heated. John had misunderstood, had thought Sherlock was propositioning him. His mind filled with an image of himself sinking to the floor between John's knees, unzipping his jeans, and--

Was that what John wanted? He'd been surprised when he thought Sherlock was offering, but he hadn't said no. He hadn't fled until he realized Sherlock hadn't actually propositioned him. He had seriously considered it, and had essentially said, yes, I'd like that. He'd got hard thinking about it, in fact. Thinking about Sherlock. Shit.

The shower started and Sherlock's gaze shifted to the bathroom door. He could imagine John standing naked under the spray, one hand wrapped around his erection, stroking himself while thinking about Sherlock on his knees, sucking John's cock.

Sherlock stood and crossed to the door, and paused with his hand hovering above the knob. He should explain, should tell John it was a misunderstanding, that he hadn't meant that. But of course, it was obvious now that he hadn't; that was why John had fled. What good would possibly come of talking about it now?

It was better if John thought Sherlock didn't know. If he thought Sherlock was oblivious to the attraction between them, it would be easier to continue the experiment. The idea of sex with John was intriguing -- more than intriguing, he sensed it could easily consume him -- but he also wanted to see John with other people, to continue this game of choosing partners and orchestrating scenes. It was fascinating, arousing, and the closest he'd come to enjoying sex in more than a decade. It wasn't normal, but then, nothing about his life was.

If John knew Sherlock was aware of the tension between them, if he knew Sherlock was interested, that would become the focus for John. None of the rest would matter, and they'd probably have sex, and it would be fine for a week or two. Then John would assume they were in a relationship, but Sherlock would become bored and want more, would want to push John to do things and John would say no and Sherlock would resent him and eventually John would leave and it would be over before either of them knew what happened.

It was better this way. This way he could keep John longer, could keep him happy, and could have some of the things he wanted as well. Some, but not all. Never all.

He dropped his hand and took a step backward, exhaled. There was a soft sound from inside the bathroom, the unmistakable groan John made when he was tossing off and getting close.

And just like that, Sherlock was hard. He turned and leaned against the bathroom door, closing his eyes and listening. He didn't hesitate to unfasten his own trousers and slide a hand inside, to stroke his prick fast, letting that image of John fill his mind. John leaning back into the sofa, his thighs splayed wide, his pupils dark and dilated, his cock standing up straight from his body. How would he like it? Would he want it quick with long sucking strokes, or would he prefer a slower burn, perhaps with teasing licks and kisses before Sherlock ever even took his prick in his mouth? Would it be over quickly or would he last a long time, until Sherlock's jaw ached from the effort? Would he tangle his fingers in Sherlock's hair and fuck his mouth, or would he let Sherlock control it, let him tease John and go at his own pace?

There was unmistakable groan from the bathroom and Sherlock clamped a hand over his mouth to keep himself from moaning aloud. John might be thinking about the very same things as was Sherlock -- and whatever he'd been thinking about had just made him come. He'd seen John have quite a few orgasms now, but the idea that he might have just had one while thinking of Sherlock was stunning.

He was close now, so close, just a bit more pressure there and that was it, just like that like that right there ohhh-- He whimpered into his palm and squeezed his eyes closed as his orgasm washed over him. It was intense and quick, and he stared down at his hand afterwards, at the semen splattered there.

He pushed off the door and retreated to the sanctuary of his bedroom before John emerged again. He couldn't look him in the eye right now, not after that. Not knowing what he knew.

Bloody hell -- John wanted him. He had no idea what to think of that. He'd been aware that people wanted him here and there, but it had been a long time since he'd actually considered having sex with anyone in more than a purely theoretical way. And yes, he was inclined to actually consider this, even though he knew it was a terrible idea.

Sex complicated everything, even when it was casual and quick. Sex required maintaining relationships with people, something he'd never been good at. But more importantly, his few sexual encounters had exposed his heart in ways that terrified him, ways that he looked back on even now with a sense of having escaped a dreadful fate. He fancied himself above the fray of sentiment and emotion, but something about sex undid all of the barriers he'd so carefully constructed around that reptilian part of his brain. He'd learned that even casual sexual encounters had this effect on him, and so he'd chosen celibacy, had chosen to focus on his work.

If John had the ability to pull back Sherlock's skin and expose his raw nerves with a single look, what could he do with his prick, or his mouth, or his hands? And though John cared about him, though John was enjoying this experiment, Sherlock knew that sex between them would be anything but casual. It couldn't be, not after everything that had happened between them already.

And nothing good would come of that. Nothing good at all.

*****

Note: Sorry for the delay! I'm out of town and had a little trouble with my internet this morning. As always, comments are greatly appreciated!


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Comments

[drinkingcocoa.livejournal.com]

I'm screaming a bit on the inside with the wonderful intensity.

I didn't know. I didn't know. So it wasn't just that he had dreaded being involved with his professor and that the young man had failed to engage his mind. Oh, sweet boy. Everything about him and love and sex just melts my heart.

Sherlock had been leaning against the door when...excuse me. I think my brain just melted and my heart is sobbing. This is what I want from my love stories. I think I'm bleeding roses. :-)

I had hoped. I had hoped. That moment of misunderstanding is such a pivotal one for me in the story and it's SO CHARGED. Oh, dear. I had been trying not to scream, but I think I just lost it a little there. I had so hoped Sherlock would realize. It's so yummy. I am so glad he knows. I didn't want the poor man to suffer for too long thinking it was unrequited. Of course it isn't, you beautiful creature you. Oh God, and then the poor man going all red like a thirteen-year-old boy. Thank goodness no one was watching. I don't want him to feel embarrassed. I want him to have a little privacy. Thank goodness he stopped himself before he tried to explain. That would have been amazingly disastrous. See, Sherlock? You still have a few functioning brain cells!

I laughed again to see one of my favorite moments, the "you are a really strange genius" "I texted you" exchange. That word "texted." It lends itself so perfectly to a teeth-gritted, spitting enunciation. I've had it in my mind since you first wrote it, and of course Benedict Cumberbatch's consonants are works of art in themselves.

Hee hee "uncharacteristically thoughtful" -- John, it really isn't any use trying to communicate silently with this man.

I had an enormous tearful twinge at Sherlock's jealousy in first hearing that John went out to find a partner. That gets me every time I read or see it: that aching, silent, "But I'm right here."

THANK YOU for your meta comment on it being devilishly tricky to find anything common-sense and informative about bisexuality! My heart goes out to confused Sherlock while John is, in his uncomplicated way, just figuring that he's bisexual and that's that.

Speaking of John, my heart leapt at the mention of women watching him longingly. Ack! I thought I'd hidden that from Sherlock so well! I give up.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

One of the things that stuck in my head as I wrote the original was that Sherlock didn't really tell John the whole truth about his sexual history, that it was the version he wanted to be true more than anything else. I'm planning to explore that a little more later on, actually. So yeah, it's a little more complicated than him finding sex boring in the past.

I love that image of the two,of them wanking on opposite sides of a closed door. Pure self-indulgence on the part of the author, right there. ;-)

When I wrote the original, I spent some time going back and forth in my mind about when it was that Sherlock realized that John wanted him. There are different implications of it happening at different times, and I changed my mind a few times before deciding that it would make the most sense for him to have figured it out fairly early on. This seemed like a good point for it to happen, so here it is! :-D

re: "uncharacteristically thoughtful": One of my favorite Sherlock tropes is the one of him attributing his own motivations to other people's actions and getting it spectacularly, bizarrely wrong. I think it comes from the "bit not good" moments in the show. They can be so much fun to see in fic!

The meta comment about bisexuality comes from my own experience googling it for the original fic. I was trying to figure out if it would make sense for someone John's age, and in the end I just kind of gave up and decided that yeah, it was all fine.

Thanks for your lovely comments! They are very much appreciated, as always. ♥

[drinkingcocoa.livejournal.com]

that it was the version he wanted to be true more than anything else. I'm planning to explore that a little more later on, actually

Oh my heartstrings. Can I take this? I don't know if I can take this! Everything hurts so much more when it's from Sherlock's POV! If that was the version he wanted to be true, how painful was the original? *weeps* *offers 24-year-old Sherlock some ointment*

I love that you chose this moment. It was such a hot, head-whirling moment.

John's a little younger than I am and he went through lesbian identity politics with a contentious and clearly very butch sister, so from what I gather, it would make sense to him and be fine, yeah.

Oh...rocking back and forth a bit with pain for Sherlock... I know it's going to be all right, but owwww.

[aprilstarchild.livejournal.com]

For the record, I have a male friend/former lover who realized he was bisexual as an adult. Or rather, I think he always had the minor curiosity somewhere back there, and eventually became curious enough to try it out and discover he enjoyed it.

He still primarily has sex with his, well, primary--who is a woman--but hooks up with men on occasion.

[holyfant.livejournal.com]

SGFJSDKLFJSKDL

They were both wanking

Thinking about each other

I need some time to process this *puts head between knees*

Okay. Okay. The way they just keep missing each other throughout this fic; it's insane. They keep reading each other wrong and being unable to articulate things... and it's so real and understated and inadequate, just like real-life communication usually is.

I must say I'm glad for Sherlock that he knows John wants him. It was killing me, the way he didn't think anyone he wanted could ever want him back. It's funny how much his POV endears him to me - I was often furious with him in the John POV but now that some of his thoughts are being revealed he's so... vulnerable. *squishes him* I'm SO GLAD we know the resolution to this because I wouldn't be able to handle this tension again.

Like in the previous chapter I love Sherlock's confusion over bisexuality. Love how he trawls through academic articles and incoherent blog entries to try to make a scientific whole, and I love his frustration at it not really working.

I laughed when he googled central London gay clubs. So quick, so eager, his mind so occupied with different things at the same time.

And it's lovely to see his explicit thoughts re: sex with John here - the way he develops the idea that it can't work, that he'll break John, that he'll want things John won't and it will all turn sour. His fears, so mundane and so huge at the same time, that we had no idea about in the John POV until he tells John about them and John's like "you idiot, you're just in love. It what I feel for you, too."

I... eeeesh. This chapter works for me on a lot of levels because we saw John's embarrassment over misunderstanding Sherlock and his arousal over it, and now we see the answering embarrassment and arousal from Sherlock and it just drives home how almost they're falling together, and how utterly they're not yet.

Yeah. <3 Lovely, as always.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

The image of the two of them wanking on opposite sides of a closed door was sheer self-indulgence on my part! When I wrote the original I just thought Sherlock would be sitting on the soda and would know exactly what John was doing in the shower. But the cool thing about writing these scenes is that sometimes they surprise me by going in directions I hadn't anticipated. I love that, I have to say!

UST for me is all about missed chances over and over, until you finally can't bear it anymore and they figure it out. That's basically this fic up and down. It's torture, and I love it. I hope it's not too terribly overdone in the story. Sometimes authors take it too far, and I was worried that it was going to jump that particular shark, you know? OTOH, this change in their relationship is a really big deal and not something to take too quickly. I think the whole story takes place in 3 weeks, so really it's not too fast. I'm satisfied with it, so I guess that's the biggest thing, right? :-P

His fears, so mundane and so huge at the same time, that we had no idea about in the John POV until he tells John about them and John's like "you idiot, you're just in love.

Working out the slow buildup to that moment is turning out to be one of the fun parts of this rewrite. It's going to be SO interesting to write that part, but there is no way I could write it now. I'm such a linear writer that way. I don't know how your process goes, but I could never write the last scene first, you know? I have to take the entire journey with the characters to work out how they got there.

Thank you! These comments from you mean so, so much! ♥

[geneva2010.livejournal.com]

Poor little scared Sherlock! I just want to pet him.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

I know, right? I hope I'm not making him too cuddly, heh. Thank you!

[fanbot.livejournal.com]

Hurrah for Wednesday!

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Hooray for finally being able to get online! :-D

[nivahl.livejournal.com]

This story is just perfect. It was with John's POV and it is now with Sherlock's. They want each other so much and they don't make anything toward it... Poor babies...

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much!

[ariannagray.livejournal.com]

*happily rolls around in all the angst and hotness and brilliance that is this fic*

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much for reading! :-)

[floppybelly.livejournal.com]

This explains Sherlock's reluctance quite a bit better, though I still think he's underestimating the situation!

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Well, the tension in the story has to come from somewhere, yanno? ;)

Thanks for reading!

[fiona-fawkes.livejournal.com]

:D :D :D :D

Now I find myself wanting to go back to about the half-way point of the first version and re-read it. Gods, but I do love your writing.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

So you're in this fandom now too? SO AWESOME!!!

And thanks for reading my fic! I really appreciate it. :-)

[fiona-fawkes.livejournal.com]

Heh. My wife really appreciates it, too. :D

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

So she told me! Apparently she's going to send me a fruit basket. ;-)

[secretsolitaire.livejournal.com]

Aw, Sherlock! Lovely installment. :-D

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[siennis.livejournal.com]

So I know this isn't a very in depth review or anything but I wanted you to know that I would pay for you to keep writing this in Sherlocks POV. And I'm not even kidding. Got a PayPal? I'll donate money (a little since im only a lowly waitress in a small town) to keep this going cause it's brilliant!

Ahh, leather bound copy of this would be fantastic as well :P

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Aw, thank you! Hey, comments are payment enough. We do this for love, right? ;-)

[kikislasha.livejournal.com]

Just when I think this story can't get any hotter, you go and do something like this chapter. Seriously. What gets me is how perfectly HUMAN these two people are in your hands. They move beyond being simple characters in a story to fully fleshed out human beings with history and hopes; fears and neuroses. And from TWO POVs. Astonishing.

You have captured Sherlock's naive genius so well--putting him in that self-depreciating place that scares him from taking what he really wants, and having to prepare himself for disappointment and grasp at what he can...heartbreaking and yet, so very, very sexy at the same time. (And let me say your John POV was just as flawless).

Of course Sherlock knew. And of course John didn't.

...And of course they wank on opposite sides of closed doors.

God bless you Emma Grant.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! It's always interesting to me to see the reactions to these scenes, because every time I think,"People are going to get bored of reading these any day now." But then every one gets such an enthusiastic response, and I'm blown away.

I'm trying to keep re-reading as I work on these so that I don't lose my feeling for these characters. I'm constantly worried that they're too this or too that,mans it's good to know readers feel like I'm getting it right. :-)

[she-recs.livejournal.com]

Delicious!

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[twilightcat.livejournal.com]

*dies*

I was able to read the first version right through in its entirety; I discovered it the day before the last chapter was posted. At the time I was grateful because waiting a week between chapters is torture. Womp womp.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

It kind of is, isn't it? I follow several WIPs myself and I am very familiar with the torture of waiting for the next chapter! So thank you so much for sticking with this. I appreciate it!

[tea-for-lupin.livejournal.com]

*flails* oh, how my heart hurts for Sherlock... You dear person, of course sex complicates things and of course it's understandable that you would be frightened of losing the one you love... But it's all going to be ok, it will, it will!

I am SO glad we got the John POV first and know what's going to happen; otherwise I would be dead already from suspense and despair...

Love, love, love the authorial self indulgence of the bathroom door wanking scene... Oh my... Sherlock biting his hand... Oh my...

*snerk* at John trying to chat up the wrong women and Sherlock not telling him about the ones who were looking at him (I'd be one if them). For reasons of professional concern, of course. Ha!

*cuddles everyone*

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

There's a little more of a hint of where Sherlock's feelings are coming from in the next part (just posted). It's been interesting posting these with people knowing how it all turns out. It's a very different experience for me than it was the first time around!

Thanks so much!

[pennswoods.livejournal.com]

Oh god...

This took me from silently laughing to squirming in my seat to aching for Sherlock. I was so ready to see how Sherlock interpreted John's reaction and loved that he was so very slow on the uptake but that he got there eventually. And then to know that he was outside the door listening to John, picturing John, fantasizing about John while John was doing the exact same thing in the shower.

So beyond what I expected but so perfect.

And then we hit the ache and insecurity. In one enlightening paragraph, you peeled back his layers and revealed Sherlock's true vulnerability. To be so clever, so much smarter than everyone else must make it especially hard for him to BE like everyone else. Sentiment really is his kryptonite.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

I've read some of BC's thoughts on Sherlock and why he is the way he is, and that's really become the basis of a lot of my head canon for this character, that he's not actually as emotionally closed off as he presents himself, not really a sociopath, but that all of this is by choice in order to help him focus more thoroughly on the work. Emotions are a distraction, so he doesn't allow himself to have them. Except the problem is that he still does anyway, and when they force their way to the surface the results can be messy.

I'll be interested to see your response to the next part, which hints at more of this kind of stuff. :-D

Thanks, as always!

[rotaryphones.livejournal.com]

I love how Sherlock is so consistently more aware than John gives him credit for. God, John really can't hide a thing from him, can he? Which is to our benefit, when it leads to hotness like this.

It's fascinating to see Sherlock go from "John isn't interested" to "John is interested, and that would only make things *worse*." I'm dying to see his reactions to the websites John leaves for him at the end of the chapter. What becomes his excuse when he realizes "John is interested in the same things I'm interested in"? Then again, he seems to take every sign that they're compatible as a sign of danger. Which is at the same time completely understandable and completely frustrating.

Oh, and Sherlock actively *not* helping John's love life. Ha, perfect.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

I love how Sherlock is so consistently more aware than John gives him credit for

I like the idea of the two of them seeing what they want to see when it comes to each other. They think they know each other, based on past experience, but this is new territory and neither of them really knows what the other is thinking.

Then again, he seems to take every sign that they're compatible as a sign of danger.

This is something I'm really looking forward to fleshing out as this goes forward. I have to decide how much of it will be explained here and how much I should save for a future fic. It's tempting to put it all here and then let their be totally new tensions later on. Hmmm.

Oh, and Sherlock actively *not* helping John's love life. Ha, perfect.

Hee! :-D. Thanks, as always!

[ltco.livejournal.com]

Oh my sweet lord how I love your Sherlock! I want to cuddle him!

And the angst and the UST - all of it!
Thank you again for a great chapter. xx

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Thank you! This set of missing scenes may end up being even longer than the original, heh. Lots of time for UST and angst. ;-)

[quirkies.livejournal.com]

Utterly delicious to see how engaged (emotionally and sexually) Sherlock has become. I love that he figured out what John had misunderstood. That's our Sherlock, 10 steps ahead and still a bit in the dark.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

And over thinking everything, which is fun to play with. :-D

Thank you so much!

[kelspots.livejournal.com]

Every time you post I have this dilemma where I try to decide whether I should just read your fic first or do my other online work and save it (best for last and all that). So usually what I do is try to focus on something else, last about 10 minutes, then read your post. Never regret it.

Also, I will never tire of Sherlock being oblivious to things everyone else gets. Unintentional innuendo especially!

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

I have a similar dilemma about writing it. I have all these other things to do, but what I really want to do is just ignore all of that and write... :-)

Thank you so much!

[rte-175.livejournal.com]

I've been out of town myself and this update has been teasing me for over a week; I've saved it as a kind of 'gift' for when I got back. And what a gift it was! Phew--I so love this entire fic, both sides,a and I can't wait, once Sherlock's POV is over (although I don't want this story to EVER END) to go back and read both sides, alternating between the different POVs. The BEST. :-)

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

It may be a while before it ends at the rate I'm going! ;-). Thank you so, so much.

[aprilstarchild.livejournal.com]

And now I'm all caught up and I can wait impatiently for new Sherlock fic from you like everyone eelse.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Yay! Well, maybe. ;-)