This one's for the other AP Mamas out there

[emmagrant01]

Cause yeah, that's basically it right there, isn't it? Everyone's a critic, but they can't deny that your kid is completely happy and well-adjusted.

It just needs a panel where the people are saying, "I can't believe you're still nursing him! That's child abuse!" *eye roll*

Comments

[mania-regale.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha! I just went through this today! The grandparents are in town for DS' 2nd birthday, and they can't believe he's still nursing and that we still co-sleep!

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Then they'd be horrified that my 3.5yo is still nursing and still sleeping with us. :-P

[mania-regale.livejournal.com]

That they would. My sis is likely to have her first in the next year or so, and she will definitely not be AP - I'm so not looking forward to the comparisons at that point.

[belleweather.livejournal.com]

...and also one that says "You're spoiling him!" Or maybe that's just my family. They think both our kids are terribly spoilt based on AP parenting the fact that we say 'please' before we ask them to do things. Because politeness and love are totally the way to raise an utter brat.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

I've never understood that whole "do as I say and not as I do" perspective on parenting. Kids see, and they understand. They learn to treat others by the way they are treated. Why is that so hard to understand?

[tripperfunster.livejournal.com]

Oh God, don't get me started on PARENTS! (mine, that is ...)

They are APPALLED that we let our children chose their own clothing and hair styles. Both of my boys are going to be gay, because we let them keep their hair long.

BECAUSE, UNBEKNOWNST TO SCIENTISTS AND HOMSEXUALS EVERYWHERE, LONG HAIR IS THE UNDERLYING CAUSE OF GAYNESS.
Thank god we've got that solved.

I don't really subscribe to any particular parenting theory, aside from: Love them, and treat them like you love them. I think AP falls well within those parameters.

Admittedly, I think I may have gasped "OMG, you're still nursing?" but it was more of a shock at your stamina than your parenting. My boobs were pretty damn happy when we finished nursing, though i suppose that it's not like he's eating every four hours like when he was tiny. ;)

And your boy DOES seem very sweet and happy. <3

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

My son's still little, but I can't tell you how many time people have assumed he's a girl based on his hair alone. It's bizarre to me that a child without a buzz cut is automatically assumed to be a girl, regardless of anything else they might be doing or wearing or whatever.

I didn't take that comment that way at all, JSYK. And yeah, it's basically just bedtime and first thing in the morning these days, and has been for a couple of years now. I always say that I'd rather not have to move to college with him, but otherwise he'll stop when he's ready. ;-)

[ella-bane.livejournal.com]

*high-fives*

I nursed till they were ready to stop!

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

*high fives back*

I think we've already had the boob nazi conversation at some point, haven't we? :-D

[littleroo27.livejournal.com]

I admit that I'm probably one of the people behind the mamma going WTF! but as I don't have children and have never wanted children, I really can't say much. All I know is that there are a lot of kids on Nanny 911 and Supernanny who refuse to sleep in their own beds because they've always slept between mom and dad, or who can't sit in a cot for 20 minutes while the dishes get done, because they've always been attached to mom's hip. *shrugs* plus, I sleep so soundly, I'd totally roll over and squish the baby, lol!

It's likely a good thing I'm NOT a mom.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Ugh, don't get me started on Supernanny. I recognize that it's a reality show and that they're going for drama and the schadenfreude factor, but that show promotes the opposite of good parenting, IMO. Good parenting is about connecting with your child and understanding that behavior is the symptom, not the problem. Half the Supernanny shows I forced myself to sit through pretty much ignored the fact that there were some deep-seated fucked-up problems in those families that required serious time and effort to fix. Instead, they bring in someone who applies behaviorism (which is fine for training dogs but shouldn't be used anywhere near developing human beings IMNSHO) for a superficial quick fix and then we all smile and pretend that the real issue just magically went away on its own.

And on top of that, there is SO much research that shows clearly that children who are clingy and always trying to get their parents' attention are the ones who, big surprise here, are quite often denied it. In contrast, kids whose parents responded to them warmly in their early childhoods and gave them lots of attention are secure in their parents' love and more independent.

People have this fucked up idea that if you pick up a crying baby you're somehow teaching it to cry MORE because it thinks, oh I just have to cry and people will pick me up, yay. I'll do it even more, mwahaha! Oh wait, that sounds like behaviorism, right? Which again, is a piss-poor way of doing anything except training chickens to play tic-tac-toe, because it starts from the assumption that there is nothing of importance going on in the brain. And again, that's not how babies think at all. It's more like, I'm cold and lonely and scared and I HATE IT and... ooh, the lovely warm person is making it all better. Maybe this isn't such a scary place after all. Do that enough times and you teach a child to love and trust in return. Ignore their cries and you get a whiny clingy pessimistic little person who is desperate to find comfort whenever they can because they learned early on not to expect it when they need it most.

I could go on, but I have a feeling you didn't read this far down anyway. :-)

[mindabbles.livejournal.com]

LOL, thank you!!! My adopted 10 year old who got AP from 16 months on, and is happy and well adjusted and secure, thanks you.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

:-D

[slytherincesss.livejournal.com]

Or a panel that says, "He'll never leave your bed . . . "

♥

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Right! I always say I assume I won't have to go to college with him... ;-)

[andinocara.livejournal.com]

well, mine insists she will be co-sleeping with *her* baby in my bed.
I figure time will change that - lol

[nenne.livejournal.com]

There is a lot of criticism going on that is for sure. There is a lot of discussion here as well.

I'm all for getting to know each child as an individual and treat them accordingly. What works for one kid, doesn't work for the other.

[melusinahp.livejournal.com]

This.

I co-slept, nursed on demand till my daughter chose to stop, baby wore as much as my back could take, and I still had a baby with colic who screamed for two hours every evening like clock-work. AP works beautifully for some families, but it's not magic.

The point is to happily let people parent in a way that works for them and their specific kids and not to make judgements about other peoples (non-abusive) choices. :)

[melusinahp.livejournal.com]

Lol, I wish it actually worked that way! I did all those things and some of them were wonderful. Still, my son, who was put down in a cot when his cry indicated that he was sleepy and not hungry and who had both nursing and bottles was a much happier and relaxed baby than my daughter, who was fed on demand and never put down.

Loved the co-sleeping, though, and both my kids were happy to move to their own beds and rooms when they were ready.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

The big message of AP (IMO) is that your relationship with your children should be based on a deep connection with them, rather than on some external set of rules you think you have to conform to. Most parents find things like breastfeeding, cosleeping, babywearing, and so on, great ways to establish that deep connection. Whatever you do within the framework of connection -- understanding who your child is and what he needs to grow and develop into a secure, loving person -- is generally going to be in the realm of AP. Different kids will need different things, and the whole point is that you spend time and energy figuring that out. :-)

[lolitaray.livejournal.com]

Love it!

I didn't know you were an AP mama, that warms my heart. 2 year old here still nursing and I'm pregnant with my surprise third. Another homebirth so YAH.

Have a 7 year old girl that *gasp* we've managed to parent without ever having to smack her! LOVE being an AP mama. :)

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Ooh, we could talk about the notion of rejecting the punishment-reward paradigm, but that's opening a whole other can of worms...

[karaz.livejournal.com]

I swear the next person who tells me that my son would benefit from a smack will get one themselves. Then I'll smugly say, "Well let's see if it stops your poor behavoir first."

[ani-bester.livejournal.com]

What gets me is that people think the same methods work for every baby! If you find what works for your kid, screw the "advice" and do what is making the child happy, well behaved, and well adjusted >.>

It just needs a panel where the people are saying, "I can't believe you're still nursing him! That's child abuse!" *eye roll*

Oh god this. My mother is huge into breastfeeding (no like huge, like asked to be on a committee for Washington because all that she'd done with it... she turned it down because of the moving involved, but still).

So I've grown up very pro-breastfeeding and knowing it's fine.
Mu husband is freaking out that I want to breast feed for more than 6 months. He is always going "but you'll stop after a year right? After a year it's just gross!"
>.>

Why don't even have a kid yet. i'm not even pregnant yet, and is freaking out about how long I'm going to breastfeed because to him anything over a year is gross!

[marksykins.livejournal.com]

He very well might change his mind once you have the kid and he sees how quickly nursing soothes them for pretty much anything. I know my husband didn't really have any breastfeeding opinions one way or the other, but he's become very pro since our baby was born.

[ani-bester.livejournal.com]

I hope so but I doubt it. He'd very anti-breastfeeding. About as anti as you can be without actually not wanting a woman to do it. He doesn't think it should ever be done anywhere remotely public, he thinks if I do need to in a public spot, I better go to a bathroom (FUN TIMES Lets go breastfeed in a smelly filth laden park bathroom), and that as soon s the baby gets a tooth, I should stop because it's just not natural to breastfeed a baby too long.

I point out that the " natural" mammalian breastfeeding time for humans, based on averaging other mammals and accounting for lifespans, would be roughly 5-7 years and that he's not arguing nature, is arguing Western Society constructs that have sexualized woman's breasts, talk about them as though they are for the husband's pleasure only, and elevated synthetic everything over natural. >.>

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

There's a reason they're called "milk teeth", and that they fall out around the time of natural human weaning. ;-)

I'm sorry YDH is so set in his ways. I second the comment that things might change when he sees you nursing the baby. MDH was dead set against cosleeping, and when our son came home from the hospital he couldn't bear the thought of him sleeping in a different room where we couldn't watch over him. He was also very pro-circumcision, to the point that we had huge arguments about it and I was basically like, "You will only cut my son's penis after you pry him out of my cold, dead hands." And once BG was born, he couldn't imagine hurting him like that, and is now very much an intactivist. :-)

It always strikes me as bizarre that people seem to think women's breasts have only ONE function. Most body parts have multiple functions, you know? How many things do you do with your mouth? You talk, eat, smile, kiss, give oral sex, and even sometimes vomit. There's no conflict there. So why is it such a big deal to people that women's breasts can be sexual in one context and a source of nutrition in another? Not to mention flotation devices, a potential source of deadly cancer, and so on. I don't understand why that's so hard.

But in the end, they're YOUR breasts, and you get to do with them what you want. Including feeding your baby.

[pionie.livejournal.com]

Cool to read about another AP mummy :) I'm a sling wearing, breast-feeding mama, who planned to co-sleep but son number 1 didn't like it! Will try again with son number 2, who is imminent.

[andinocara.livejournal.com]

Love you for this :)
AP made life with my child so, so much easier than most of what I hear from my friends/colleagues.

As a 7 year old however, she poses a whole next set of challenges... lol

Some of the first fics I read in HP fandom made reference to breastfeeding and sling use. It really added to drawing me into the fandom.

[marksykins.livejournal.com]

That's so cute. :D

I've been lucky so far about my AP choices, which is nice. The worst comment I've gotten is my mom saying I looked like a sumo wrestler before I loaded Nate into his Moby. She also said something in passing about not really believing that babies under 3 or 4 months couldn't be spoiled, but it didn't seem directed at me exactly. Not surprisingly, Nathaniel's gone from a very clingy newborn to a calm and happy 3 month old very quickly. We'll see what comments I get a year from now.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

I got lots of funny looks from my family, and more from my in-laws, but I've really never gotten any negative remarks. I nursed BG in public until he was almost 2, and never got a single remark from anyone. I don't know if I put off an intimidating vibe, or if I was just lucky!

[hazelhawthorne.livejournal.com]

This!

I frequently have people tell me my toddler is so well behaved with an air of amazement. I also have friends who are astonished that I speak to him like a human being and that I expect that he will understand me and that they can see from his responses that he clearly does (even though he isn't bothering to talk much yet).