Another crack ficlet

[emmagrant01]

Last night, I asked people to give me prompts for crack ficlets, and I wrote four of them. I thought I'd write another one tonight... ;-)

dustbunnies710 requested: BtVS, Spike/Xander. Cracktastic plot: Warren went crazy with the robot making (442 words).

~*~*~

"Dance, my puppets, dance!" Warren cried, throwing his arms up in a Very Dramatic Fashion. Xanderbot and Spikebot turned to stare at him, blank looks on their faces. "No, I meant... continue with what you were doing. Got to work on those logic routines..."

Spikebot turned back to Xanderbot with a semi-evil sneer on his face. "For such a complete and utter wanker, you are rather attractive, I have to admit."

Xanderbot's smile was coy. "So I've been told. By many a vampire, I should add." At Spikebot's look of surprise, he added, "Well, not so many, you know. Many for me. You know, four, three... two. Well, just you, really. Unless you count that one time with Angel, but I don't because--"

"Get the fuck on with it!" Warren groaned. Xanderbot was a little too realistic for his taste. He'd work on it in the morning, but for now, this would have to do. He unfastened his jeans and pulled his dick out, which was already getting hard with anticipation.

The bots spared him a quick glance before turning back to each other.

"So you shagged Angel, then?" Spikebot asked, shoving his hands in his pockets. "What was it like?"

Xanderbot blushed. "Well, I wouldn't say shag, cause, you know, I'm not all hip and British like you pretend to be. Wait, does shagging imply intercourse?"

Spikebot pursed his lips. "Technically? I'm not sure. I've always assumed it did, but maybe it doesn't have to do. Should I use a different word in this context?"

"If you would, kind sir."

"Right then. Did you fuck him?"

"No, of course not." Xanderbot replied with a snort. "Does Angel strike you as a bottom?"

Spikebot rolled his eyes. "Fine, did he fuck you?"

Xanderbot laughed. "No. Wait -- do blow jobs count?"

"Count as what?"

"As fucking? Like, if I gave Angel a blow job, hypothetically of course, does that count as him fucking me?"

Spikebot looked confused. "I'm not sure. It qualifies as penetration, but if it's in the mouth, is it a fuck?"

"It involves insertion of the penis in an orifice, right? I think that's technically fucking. Though most people associate fucking with a particular couple of orifices."

"One of which you happen to have," Spikebot said, leaning in for a kiss.

"No, don't stop! Not yet!"

They both turned to stare quizzically at Warren, who was stroking his dick fast and hard.

"Oh, yeah..." Warren groaned, "Just like that... keep talking dirty!"

"Um, all right," Xanderbot said. "So, orifices."

"Yeah," Spikebot replied, still watching Warren's blur of a hand. "And penises."

"Penii," Xanderbot corrected.

And with that, Warren came.

+++

Comments

[jedirita.livejournal.com]

Mwahaha! You totally captured Xander. That was great!

But isn't Andrew the gay one? I know, the prompt....

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Hee! Well, he was getting off on Spike/Xander. ;-)

[el-em-en-oh-pee.livejournal.com]

Oh Warren. Oh, 'bots. Penii.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

'Bots are Teh Awesome! ;-)

[http://users.livejournal.com/_outercourse/]

:D

This is too cool for school. I know orfices get me all hot and bothered as well.

<3

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

I know, right? ;-) Thanks for reading!

[sagcat.livejournal.com]

And the Xanderbot had given Angel head? Did Angel turn evil?

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

No idea. I'm a little fuzzy on how Warren programs the 'bots' backstories. :-P

[dramedy.livejournal.com]

Omg. that was..omg. whoa. hilarious.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

:-D

[metal-dog5.livejournal.com]

Oh dear lord! *grins*

Spot-on Xanderbabble :)

"One of which you happen to have," Spikebot said, leaning in for a kiss.

"No, don't stop! Not yet!"

No, shut up Warren. You're spoiling my view!

Hee! Thanks for sharing :)

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Xanderbabble is fun! :-D

Thanks for reading!

[if-in-solitude.livejournal.com]

The technicalities of sex talk, LOL. And the Xander babble! *loves*

I always did wonder what shagging implied myself.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm not clear on that one myself. Most of the slang words for sex seem a bit imprecise to me anyway. :-P

Thanks so much!

[ofenjen.livejournal.com]

Oh, very nice. Perfect length for my attention span and quite giggle inducing.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Thanks for reading! :-)

[snottygrrl.livejournal.com]

that was really fabulous.

they were perfect 'bots. heee!

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

The whole concept of 'bots is pretty damn cracky, really. ;-)

Thanks!

[mamainak.livejournal.com]

Are you a slash-making-machine or something?! *g*
Awesome!! Each one of them!

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

LOL! Thanks so much! :-D

[owens-mom.livejournal.com]

Mwahaha! I want Xander and Spike bots.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Srsly. I think I'd have them entertain me a little differently than Warren did, though. ;-)

[berrylicious877.livejournal.com]

Hee. This made my day! I hope there are more misadventures of the Spike- and Xander-bots.

And I want to know what happened with Angel. Like is that some memory that Warren programmed in, or was that actual Xander knowledge?

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much! The beauty of crack is that I have no idea where the Angel memory came from, and don't have to. ;-)

[mamainak.livejournal.com]

Ok, I know this is not directly connected to the topic we are discussing here, but I really must post this - I'm RTFLMAO for the last few days since I found out about it! I must share it!
Tell me, did you see this one? If you were gay!

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I have that one favorited! ;-) I like this one (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLeYjr5vi0o) by her too. :-)

[mamainak.livejournal.com]

Haha! And I've got that one favorited, too! :) And this one: are you gay?:) ignore the synchronisation - it's like a crack :)
and this one: Too sexy Snape... animation...

[dustbunnies710.livejournal.com]

Hahahah
I love it.
You are brilliant.

Xander's voice was perfect, even if he was a sex bot =]

And the ending was just hilarious.

p.s.
Speaking of crack!BtVS!fics my friend Sagan and I wrote one a while ago.
I figured I would share it with you since you are in a cracky mood, and understand Buffy references.
http://dustbunnies710.livejournal.com/89329.html#cutid1

[akai-nekobujin.livejournal.com]

I couldn't stop giggling, lovely indeed. Trying to imagine Spike in such a mechanically vulgar conversation, humorous indeed.

[quinntzadok.livejournal.com]

Thank you for writing this! I think I started giggling with the very first line and didn't stop until the end. Very well done.