Yet another Mary-Sue ficlet
Oct. 10th, 2003 11:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
emmagrant01Title: Deserving No Less
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
emmagrant01
Category: Mary-Sue fic
Archive: Fuck, no! Are you kidding?
Rating: PG-ish
Warning: This is really, really bad. But I think I accomplished a real Mary-Sue!
Disclaimer: I don't really even want to claim I wrote this. I apologize. Profusely.
Note: I couldn't resist a challenge like this! I was only going to do 100 words for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
tpm100, but it sorta got away from me.
Note 2: Oh, the challenge was for a good Q/O slash fic featuring a Mary-Sue? Well, shit. Sorry, then.
The chime interrupted his evening meditation, and Obi-Wan grumbled as he palmed the door open. "Yes?"
"Hello. You must be Obi-Wan."
Obi's jaw dropped at the sight of the tall, beuatiful, curvy, scantily-clad, luminous woman leaning provactively against the door frame. She blinked her violet eyes and smiled at him with her full, pink lips, shaking her long blonde hair out of her face. Her presence in the Force was strong, and she was obviously a Jedi. But she was certainly the most beautiful Jedi he had ever seen.
"Um... yeah," he replied.
"Padawan, who is...?" After a full second of silence, Obi-Wan turned to see his master gaping behind him.
"Hello, Qui-Gon," she purred.
The sound of her voice made Obi-Wan instantly hard, which came as quite a shock since he didn't even like girls. A quick glance down confirmed the woman had the same effect on his master.
"Padawan, this... is Emmali, my first padawan," Qui-Gon said at last.
Obi-Wan's adorable face crinkled. "I didn't know you had a padawan before Xanatos."
"I was only eight when Qui took me as his apprentice," Emmali said as she stepped into their quarters. "I was made a knight when I was sixteen, the youngest ever for a human."
"She was an exceptional student," Qui muttered, eyes still glued to Emmali's full breasts. "Perfect in every way."
Obi crossed his arms over his chest. "Funny that you've never mentioned her before."
"That's because Yoda made him swear to secrecy," Emmali continued. "You see, I've been working undercover these last ten years, and I've infiltrated the Sith."
"The Sith? You're kidding," Obi-Wan snorted.
"I'm afraid she isn't, Obi," Qui-Gon sighed, stroking Emmali's silky cheek with one finger. "It was a top secret mission, and I couldn't tell you about it. Yoda has kept me informed of her whereabouts these many years."
Emmali turned to Qui-Gon, her violet eyes sparkling. "And I've learned some news I must tell you, Qui. You musn't go on the mission to Naboo you've just been assigned. There is grave danger for you there. I..." She paused to look away, impossibly long eyelashes blinking away a single tear. It carved a sleek path down her alabaster cheek. "I have volunteered to go in your place. I will face the Sith who awaits you."
"No!" Qui-Gon cried, pulling Emmali into his arms. "You can't go. I won't permit it, Padawan."
Obi-Wan cleared his throat, annoyed. "Padawan?" he grumbled, rolling his eyes.
Emmali turned her glowing face up to look at Qui-Gon. "I will go, Master. Your destiny is here, with..." She paused and cast her shining violet eyes at Obi-Wan. "With him. He loves you, more than I ever could have. You belong with him, Master."
Qui-Gon turned to face his apprentice, shocked. "You... you love me?"
Obi-Wan gaped. "I... what? Wait a minute!"
Emmali took Obi's hand in her small, dainty, well-manicured one, and placed it in Qui's large, rough, calloused palm, entwining the larger man's fingers around his padawan's. She smiled, sadly, before placing a gentle kiss on her former master's lips.
"Goodbye, Qui-Gon. I've always loved you." She turned to Obi-Wan, smiling tearfully, and cupped his cheek in her palm. "Take good care of him, Obi. For both of us."
Obi blinked at her, a very confused expression on his face.
Qui-Gon choked back a sob as Emmali swept through the door, leaving a brilliant Force-current in her wake.
Obi-Wan flinched, and then groaned. "Listen, Master -- we need to have a talk..."
+++++
So, how many Mary-Sue cliches can *you* spot in there?
Author:
emmagrant01Category: Mary-Sue fic
Archive: Fuck, no! Are you kidding?
Rating: PG-ish
Warning: This is really, really bad. But I think I accomplished a real Mary-Sue!
Disclaimer: I don't really even want to claim I wrote this. I apologize. Profusely.
Note: I couldn't resist a challenge like this! I was only going to do 100 words for
tpm100, but it sorta got away from me. Note 2: Oh, the challenge was for a good Q/O slash fic featuring a Mary-Sue? Well, shit. Sorry, then.
The chime interrupted his evening meditation, and Obi-Wan grumbled as he palmed the door open. "Yes?"
"Hello. You must be Obi-Wan."
Obi's jaw dropped at the sight of the tall, beuatiful, curvy, scantily-clad, luminous woman leaning provactively against the door frame. She blinked her violet eyes and smiled at him with her full, pink lips, shaking her long blonde hair out of her face. Her presence in the Force was strong, and she was obviously a Jedi. But she was certainly the most beautiful Jedi he had ever seen.
"Um... yeah," he replied.
"Padawan, who is...?" After a full second of silence, Obi-Wan turned to see his master gaping behind him.
"Hello, Qui-Gon," she purred.
The sound of her voice made Obi-Wan instantly hard, which came as quite a shock since he didn't even like girls. A quick glance down confirmed the woman had the same effect on his master.
"Padawan, this... is Emmali, my first padawan," Qui-Gon said at last.
Obi-Wan's adorable face crinkled. "I didn't know you had a padawan before Xanatos."
"I was only eight when Qui took me as his apprentice," Emmali said as she stepped into their quarters. "I was made a knight when I was sixteen, the youngest ever for a human."
"She was an exceptional student," Qui muttered, eyes still glued to Emmali's full breasts. "Perfect in every way."
Obi crossed his arms over his chest. "Funny that you've never mentioned her before."
"That's because Yoda made him swear to secrecy," Emmali continued. "You see, I've been working undercover these last ten years, and I've infiltrated the Sith."
"The Sith? You're kidding," Obi-Wan snorted.
"I'm afraid she isn't, Obi," Qui-Gon sighed, stroking Emmali's silky cheek with one finger. "It was a top secret mission, and I couldn't tell you about it. Yoda has kept me informed of her whereabouts these many years."
Emmali turned to Qui-Gon, her violet eyes sparkling. "And I've learned some news I must tell you, Qui. You musn't go on the mission to Naboo you've just been assigned. There is grave danger for you there. I..." She paused to look away, impossibly long eyelashes blinking away a single tear. It carved a sleek path down her alabaster cheek. "I have volunteered to go in your place. I will face the Sith who awaits you."
"No!" Qui-Gon cried, pulling Emmali into his arms. "You can't go. I won't permit it, Padawan."
Obi-Wan cleared his throat, annoyed. "Padawan?" he grumbled, rolling his eyes.
Emmali turned her glowing face up to look at Qui-Gon. "I will go, Master. Your destiny is here, with..." She paused and cast her shining violet eyes at Obi-Wan. "With him. He loves you, more than I ever could have. You belong with him, Master."
Qui-Gon turned to face his apprentice, shocked. "You... you love me?"
Obi-Wan gaped. "I... what? Wait a minute!"
Emmali took Obi's hand in her small, dainty, well-manicured one, and placed it in Qui's large, rough, calloused palm, entwining the larger man's fingers around his padawan's. She smiled, sadly, before placing a gentle kiss on her former master's lips.
"Goodbye, Qui-Gon. I've always loved you." She turned to Obi-Wan, smiling tearfully, and cupped his cheek in her palm. "Take good care of him, Obi. For both of us."
Obi blinked at her, a very confused expression on his face.
Qui-Gon choked back a sob as Emmali swept through the door, leaving a brilliant Force-current in her wake.
Obi-Wan flinched, and then groaned. "Listen, Master -- we need to have a talk..."
+++++
So, how many Mary-Sue cliches can *you* spot in there?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-10-11 07:55 am (UTC)Great job! Embrace your shame! It would only be shameful if you thought she was a good character! ;)
no subject
Date: 2003-10-11 11:32 am (UTC)this was REALLY good. err.. bad... err.. you know what I mean!
no subject
Date: 2003-10-11 04:41 pm (UTC)[The sound of her voice made Obi-Wan instantly hard, which came as quite a shock since he didn't even like girls. A quick glance down confirmed the woman had the same effect on his master.]
*still laughing and it really hurts* Oh, Mary Sue, how did we ever live without you?
no subject
Date: 2003-10-12 04:35 am (UTC)Yeah. Knight Emmali wasn't *quite* perfect, was she? She was wrong about who Obi-Wan loves. Heheheheheheheheh.
no subject
Date: 2003-10-12 07:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-12 07:52 pm (UTC)Errr.. Thanks! Not that it deserves it...
*grin*
no subject
Date: 2003-10-12 07:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-10-12 07:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-05-26 03:46 pm (UTC)I'm always afraid of using the short form "obi" for that's the name of a building centre here
Cliches
Date: 2005-08-24 11:21 am (UTC)I am very glad you told us that it was a purposeful Mary-Sue, otherwise I would have been worried.