emmagrant01 | *collapses*

So, I sent the last part of STG to the betas just now.

I don't remember feeling this way about the end of LMH. Perhaps that was because it wasn't really the end, and I knew I had a long way to go. But man, this is the Big Finish, and I'll be damned if I'm not utterly terrified of it.

It's weird that so many people are reading STG, more than were reading LMH when the first draft of that was finished. I guess that's part of the pressure here -- I've had this story in my head for so long and I've known how it was going to end and how things would get resolved, and I'd be a fool if I thought that everyone who's been following this story will like it or be satisfied by it. I think most people will, though -- and in the end, *I* like it, and I'm pretty satisfied with it. I guess that counts for something. :-P

It's really, really hard to let go of it, though. I've been working on this story since February 14, 2004, when I was watching the news and there were gay marriages happening in San Francisco. I'd been searching for a bunny for my first HP fic, and the basic premise for LMH popped into my head as I sat there watching television. And then it grew, and grew, and got very twisty, and the next thing I knew my short little H/D fic became a trilogy, written as a two-novel set. I started working on STG about a year ago, and it's almost all I've thought about fandom-wise since. I thought about it on the treadmill at the gym, while in the shower, while commuting to work, while laying in bed at night, unable to sleep. Saying goodbye to these boys is going to be hard, because they've been part of my life for more than a year and a half.

It will be a relief to be done with the weekly schedule, I have to admit. I had ambitions of having these parts written well in advance, but that didn't happen. I basically started each chapter every Wednesday night, after posting the previous part that morning. Depending on my work or travel schedule, I had about an hour and a half every night to write, and a little more on the weekends (especially once football season started, heh). I tried to get the new chapter to my betas by Sunday (but it was often Monday), and they stoically read the thing and sent me feedback on a very quick turnaround. I would spend Tuesday evening revising, then coding for preparation to post on Wednesday morning. Then Wednesday night, I'd start all over again. It was grueling, but I actually like to write that way. Deadlines motivate me, and having 100 people waiting to read the next part of the story every week was definitely a deadline!

So is this really it? I have been asked that quite a lot lately. For the most part, yes, it is. There is an epilogue that I won't have ready in time to post this week, and I may just post it next Wednesday for old times' sake. I have some short ficlets and scenes that didn't fit into the story that I'd like to write, and I may do those during the revision process. But I doubt there will be another novel-length set in this universe.

I have a few writing projects waiting in the wings that I am excited to start, almost all of them collaborations. The lovely

jedirita and I are working on an HBP-era fic that will definitely push me to write characters I haven't written before.

geoviki,

abbycadabra, and

blackboggart and I are working on a novel-length post-war H/D novel that I am extremely excited about. There's a little secret-ish thing going on with another group of folks that I won't say anything more about just yet, and then there's this, of course. *grins* And

merry_smutmas, which I have put on the back burner for longer than I intended. Oooh, so much writing! I can't wait. :-D

But in the meantime, wow. I have such mixed feelings about the end of LMH-STG. You fall in love with your characters when you write something this long, as I'm sure many of you know. You know them so well by the end of the process, and it's hard to say goodbye. If you've read this far down the post -- and if you have, I'm impressed, if not a little surprised -- and if you understand that feeling of loss of a story, how did you get past it? How long did it take until you were able to let the characters go?

Of course, this rough draft REALLY needs a lot of work, so it's not like it's done -- not by a long shot. There are lots of little inconsistencies that need to be cleaned up, plot threads I dropped that need to be edited, details that need to be fleshed out, and so on. I probably won't get started on the rewrite until after the holidays. Maybe I'll be ready to face the end of it by then. *sigh*

In the meantime, I ♥ all of you so, so much. Thank you for making this experience so amazing!