emmagrant01 | FIC: Surrender the Grey (14/30)

NOTE: This is the first draft of this story. The final version can be read HERE.

Title: Surrender the Grey
Author: Emma Grant
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Draco Malfoy returns to London after five years of self-imposed exile to start a new life with Harry. But will the secrets of the past destroy everything they've worked for?
Sequel to: Left My Heart. This will make much more sense if you have read that first!
Disclaimer: Not my characters, no copyright violation intended.
Length: 150,000 words
Status: COMPLETED November 2, 2005 (Posted March 2 - November 2, 2005)
Notes:
1. Please don't archive this story yet! This is the first draft, and in the next few months, it will be revised and edited. I'll post the final version on my website and a few other select archives, but in the meantime, feel free to link to this post.
2. There aren't enough words to say THANK YOU to

jedirita,

hazelhawthorne, and

(14)

Saturday, 6 March, 2004

Draco had no idea what time it was.

He assumed it was Saturday now, but it could be three in the morning or noon for all he knew, as his cell had no windows. He'd spent the first hour there in a daze, and then reality had settled in -- he had been arrested and it was very likely that he was going to spend time in Azkaban for a crime he had no memory of committing.

He had quickly pushed that thought aside since it was far too difficult to comprehend, and had focused instead on something much closer to his heart: Harry.

He imagined Harry sitting alone at a table in the restaurant at quarter past seven, getting irritated that Draco was late. After half an hour of waiting, he had probably given up and ordered something to take away. Draco imagined him sitting alone in his flat at eight, eating Indian takeaway and fuming that Draco had stood him up.

The thought that he may have lost his chance to patch things up with Harry made Draco's stomach churn. Surely Harry knew by now that Draco was punctual when it mattered. Maybe Harry was worried.

Or maybe he had heard about the arrest by now. The thought of that nearly sent Draco into a panic. He stood and paced the width of his cell, arms wrapped around himself. There was nothing he could do. No one had come in since he'd been left here. He'd been given no opportunity to communicate with anyone.

And he wouldn't get one for a while, most likely. British Wizarding law was fairly archaic, and he had very few rights -- particularly with the charges leveled against him. Murder was a Class One offense, after all. Draco felt the panic rise in his throat again.

He stilled at the sound of footsteps approaching the door. A moment later it slid open, revealing Tonks.

Draco forced himself to look at her. She stared back for several seconds and then looked away. When she finally stepped inside, she was flanked by two Unspeakables.

"Good morning," she said.

Draco snorted and sat on the room's single hard bench. "Is it?"

"Will you wait outside?" Tonks asked her guards. After a round of whispering, the two men exited, closing the door behind them.

"Draco--"

"Come to gloat?" Draco asked, looking up at her. Her hair was pink and curly today, falling in ringlets around her face. It made her look like a doll. A sad, tired, defeated doll.

"I just need to know," she said. "Did you do it? Did you do the things they say you did?"

"What have I supposedly done?" Draco asked. "I've only been told of vague charges."

"They said you've been meeting with known Death Eaters," Tonks said. "That you're actually working with them, not investigating them like you've been telling everyone."

"Has no one here heard of undercover work?" Draco retorted.

Tonks ignored his question. "And they have a recording of you saying horrible things about Harry."

"A recording?" Draco repeated, baffled. "What does it say?"

"You seemed to be implying that you were just stringing Harry along, using him for information," she replied. Her voice was hoarse, as if she'd spent most of the night talking. "I didn't believe what they were saying about you until I heard that."

Draco started to argue, and then paused. It was possible that someone had recorded his remarks at one of the many meetings he'd attended. And if Tonks had heard the recording, perhaps Harry had as well. "Those remarks were taken out of contex," he said. "It isn't what it seems. I'm being set up, for fuck's sake!"

"Did you…" Tonks swallowed and looked away. "Did you really murder Ron?"

Draco stared at the floor. "I don't know. I don't remember. And I don't understand why they're charging me with this now. Ron was killed over three years ago."

"You don't remember?" Tonks frowned, apparently skeptical. "They claim to have evidence that you did it."

"Evidence they've yet to show me," Draco grumbled. "No one believes me, of course."
"Can you blame us?" Tonks retorted. She looked away and sighed. "Look, I'm sorry it had to happen like this."

"Had to happen?" Draco cried. "I thought you were on my side, not theirs. You didn't have to walk me into a fucking trap. You could've given me a hint, you know."

"I did give you a hint!" she spat. "You weren't listening!"

Draco didn't respond. He had been far too distracted last night, and he'd already spent hours berating himself for being so stupid. He knew better than to put himself in that situation, but he had made a mistake.

"I trusted you," he whispered, though it seemed a ridiculous remark even to his own ears.

"And I trusted you," Tonks retorted. "So did Harry, and Merlin knows who else. You've been sneaking around behind our backs this entire time, and you have the nerve to talk about trust?" She turned towards the door.

Draco pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. It was true, and he knew it. He'd been walking a very thin line for so long that it seemed normal. He hadn't even hesitated to hide things from Harry as well.

"You're right," he said. "But I had my reasons. I thought I was doing the right thing."

"You ask so much loyalty of others, Draco, but you don't give it in return." Tonks was still facing the door, but she stood still, as if she couldn't bring herself to leave just yet.

"I'm sorry," Draco said. He knew he sounded frustrated and desperate, but he didn't care.

"So am I," Tonks sighed. She turned around. "Look, I was backed into a corner. The Unspeakables came after me on Tuesday, and they had all of this evidence against you. They also knew I'd been helping you, and they told me if I didn't cooperate, I'd be brought up on the same charges, as an accomplice."

"And the evidence they had made you suspicious of my intentions," Draco finished. "I understand. I probably would have done the same thing."

Tonks rubbed her face with her hands. "Look, if there's anything I can do…"

"Does Harry know?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. The arrest is supposed to be a secret. They don't want people panicking about Death Eaters infiltrating the Ministry."

"Bit late for that," Draco remarked. Of course, this meant they could just keep him locked up here as long as they liked, and there was nothing he could do about it. He ran his hands through his hair and looked up. "Would you tell him what's happened and ask him to come? I think I owe him an explanation in person." The idea of facing Harry made him want to vomit, but it was the right thing to do.

"I'll let him know," Tonks sighed. "But I can't guarantee I can get him in here to see you."

Draco nodded.

+++++

An hour later, he finally had to urinate so badly that he relented and used the exposed toilet in the cell. He'd avoided it for as long as possible, as if not pissing there would somehow mean he wasn't stuck in that room for the foreseeable future.

But he was. He sat on the floor, leaning his head against the wall. Why had he come here? He could have just gone to meet Harry last night. Maybe they would have patched things up and topped it all off with a nice shag. He could have awakened next to Harry this morning. Harry liked sex in the morning. And it was Saturday, so they could have lounged in bed, had a shower, made breakfast…

What if Harry never wanted to see him again?

Draco closed his eyes. He'd really fucked up this time and there was nothing he could do about it. Nothing he could say. Nothing he could negotiate with. Less than 36 hours ago, he'd been handed everything he'd ever wanted, and he had refused it. And now here he sat, for Merlin knew how long.

The door opened again. He looked up to see Cho Chang standing in the doorway, staring down at him. She was flanked by the same two Unspeakables who'd accompanied Tonks earlier. Draco wondered if they had been standing guard outside the door all this time.

"You look like shit," she remarked. She stepped forward and the guards followed. The door closed behind them.

"Thanks," Draco replied. "So do you."

Her face was oddly expressionless. "I've been waiting a long time for this."

"Good for you. Satisfied?"

"I will be when you're safely locked away." Cho walked forward until she was towering over him. "Even your father won't be able to get you out this time."

Draco rolled his eyes. "If you're quite finished with the melodrama, I'd like to know what my rights are."

Cho smirked. "You were arrested under new security regulations designed to combat magical terrorism. You are a threat to the safety and stability of our society, so we can hold you for as long as we like."

"Can I speak to an attorney?"

"You won't be needing one."

"Will I have a trial?"

"Maybe a hearing before a judiciary committee." Cho's eyes glimmered. "But they'll just follow our recommendations, of course. No one wants someone like you running loose. There's no telling what harm you might do."

"Good to know I'm innocent until proven guilty," Draco muttered.

"You shouldn't have come back," Cho continued. "I'm stunned that you were stupid enough to do so, in fact."

Draco pressed his lips together in frustration. A witty retort would do him little good now. "May I hear the evidence against me?" he asked, "or am I to simply accept that I'm being framed for crimes I didn't commit?"

Cho's eyes narrowed and she shook her head, as if she couldn't believe what she was hearing. "I should have arrested you years ago."

"If you thought I killed Weasley then, why didn't you?"

"Ask your father," she retorted. "It wasn't for lack of evidence, certainly."

"My father?" Draco heard his voice crack with frustration, but he didn't care. He wasn't sure he wanted to know what his father had to do with all of this. "I haven't seen any of this fucking evidence you supposedly have against me."

"Where would you like me to begin?" Cho spat. "Eyewitness accounts of you meeting with known Death Eaters, perhaps? Or recordings of your conversations, copies of owl posts you have sent and received from your father -- who is currently wanted on a range of charges related to conspiratorial activities, by the way." Her eyes lit up and Draco felt a chill run down his spine. "Of course, that's just what you've been up to recently. We can always go back three years, to the spell that killed Ron Weasley -- cast by your wand."

"By my wand?" Draco gaped at her. "That's ridiculous! My wand was in New York with me when Ron Weasley was killed."

"Oh, drop the innocent act, Malfoy," Cho said. "I was there. You may be able to lie to Harry, who can't remember a thing, but you can't lie to me."

"I was in New York!" Draco cried. "I never left. My passport shows nothing. It wasn't me!"

Cho only stared at him in response. Draco felt blood drain from his face as the reality of the situation began to sink in. If the killing curse was cast from his own wand, the only possibility was that he'd done it. His wand had a heavy protection spell placed on it, after all, as did the wands of all Aurors. He didn't have any memory of those weeks, either. He didn't want to believe it -- but what if it was true?

Cho's stare was piercing, and he realized a moment too late that she was inside his head, probing.

"Stop!" he shouted, scrambling against the cold floor. He had never been good at defending himself against such things.

When he looked up again, Cho had taken several steps back. Her face was blank, and she wasn't looking at him.

"Find what you were looking for?" Draco growled.

She didn't answer. She simply turned and walked away. The Unspeakables followed, closing the door once again.

Draco lunged for the door, screaming obscenities. He pounded it until his fists ached, shouted until his voice was hoarse. No one came to tell him to be quiet. He heard nothing outside the door. For all he knew the cell had a silencing charm placed around it.

"Oh god," he whispered, stepping back. What if no one knew he was here? They could be holding him illegally, and there was nothing he could do about it. After all, there were Unspeakables cooperating with his father -- what if Cho was working for the other side? What if all of this had been an elaborate operation to kidnap him, to prevent him from exposing their treason? No one would know he was here. No one would be able to do anything to help him.

Tonks knew, he reminded himself. Tonks would get a message to Harry. He had to trust her -- even though he didn't want to do.

What if Harry didn't want to help him once he found out what Draco had done?

Draco sank to the floor in the center of the cell. Even if they were holding him legally, the situation was no better. It certainly appeared that he had been responsible for Ron's death. There was no way around the evidence, at least. No one else could have cast the killing curse with his wand. He'd been trained to resist imperius as well, so it was highly unlikely he had been forced to do it.

It appeared as if he had murdered Ron Weasley, though he had no memory of it. He was a murderer. Worse, he had murdered someone Harry loved dearly. Harry couldn't forgive him for that -- for Hermione's sake, if not his own.

Draco pulled his knees into his chest and shivered. He was defeated. There was no way out of this. And the worst part was that he'd done it to himself.

+++++

One of the Unspeakables came in to bring him food. The man had looked vaguely familiar before, and now Draco realized why -- he had been at the meeting of Death Eaters Draco had attended two days earlier. Perhaps he was the one who had produced the recording. Draco looked away when the man's eyes met his.

Lunch was a bowl of an unidentifiable soup. Draco didn't eat it. He wasn't hungry.

Several hours passed, during which he alternated between thinking of nothing and thinking of everything that had gone wrong in the last few days. He hated having no idea what to expect. He might be here for a week, or for a year, or just a few more hours. No one would tell him.

It must have been late afternoon when his cell door opened again. Draco didn't bother looking up until he heard Manny's voice: "Draco."

He was on his feet and across the room in a second, throwing his arms around Manny. "Oh, I'm so glad to see you, you've no idea what--"

But Manny only stiffened and pushed him away. Draco stepped back even further, embarrassed -- he had just been so glad to see a friend at last that he hadn't even stopped to think.

"Well?" Manny asked, folding his arms over his chest. "Did you do it?"

Draco resisted the urge to wrap his arms around himself; he let them hang limply by his sides instead. "Do what? I've been charged with so many things."

"Lie to everyone? Conspire with the enemy? Murder Hermione's husband? Take your pick."

Draco stood his ground, even though he wanted to melt into the floor. Manny's face told him that he already believed it all. Perhaps he'd seen the evidence the Unspeakables had been collecting. "Yes," he said. "But they're making it look worse than it is."

"How can you make murder look worse than…?" Manny gaped at him, shaking his head. "And the other things too -- you've been meeting with Death Eaters?"

"I was trying to get inside! I was learning a lot about what they did to Vol--"

"Then why didn't you tell anyone what you were doing? If it was really part of the investigation, why go behind our backs like this?"

Draco shrugged and looked away. He had no explanation that would satisfy Manny.

"We've been friends for years, Draco. I've put my neck on the line for you half a dozen times. You should know by now that you can trust me. The fact that you didn't tells me you were engaged in something else altogether."

"That's not true," Draco said. His voice was so small he wondered if Manny could even hear it.

"And you've been talking to your father, after everything that happened in New York, after what he tried to do to Harry?"

Draco took a deep breath. He had to come clean now, or it would only get worse. He looked up at Manny and gestured to the room's bench. "Sit down." He settled on the floor and waited. Manny hesitated for a moment, but finally crossed the room and sat.

Draco took a calming breath. "Five years ago, I started working for the FBI in New York. And six months later I was approached by Death Eaters who recognized my name, who'd heard of my father. They offered me a lot of money to do some work on the side for them. I had blown through my trust fund a year earlier, which was why I'd had to do Auror training in the first place. And by the time I got to New York, I was broke. I wasn't used to living hand to mouth, and I had no particular loyalty to the FBI."

"So you really were a double agent," Manny said. "Colby was right about you."

Draco nodded, keeping his eyes fixed firmly on the floor. "I could have left the FBI altogether, but playing both sides was far more lucrative than I'd ever imagined." Draco had told everyone he'd invested his money wisely, that the steady supply of cash was the result of dot com dividends paying off -- but it wasn't true. "My father started hearing about me, about how successful I was, and he finally decided I must be worth something. He wanted me to come home and work for him, but there was no way in hell I'd do that. So he started looking for ways to blackmail me, to force me to come back."

"And that's where Colby came in," Manny said. His voice had a strange tone to it. Draco looked up, but Manny's eyes were hard. "So our entire friendship was based on a lie, then?"

"No, that's--

"You lied to me, and you used me, didn't you? You even told me you loved me once, and I've always felt guilty for leading you on." He shook his head and looked away.

"I did love you," Draco whispered. "I still do. That was real."

"I left my home and jeopardized my job to run away to San Francisco to help you, and it was all based on a lie?"

Not really, Draco wanted to say. He really was after me. But he didn't. He pressed his forehead into his knees instead and whispered, "Yes."

"And then I followed you here on some imagined crusade, while you've been working both sides all along." Manny made a sound almost like a laugh. "I am such a fucking idiot."

"It isn't like… After my father went after Harry, it was different. I wanted to find out what had happened. I wanted to help Harry."

"Then why didn't you tell Harry that? If you really loved him--"

"I do really love him!" Draco said, raising his voice for the first time.

"You must have a warped idea of what love is, then," Manny growled in return. "Love is what Hermione's husband had for her and their children. And you destroyed it."

"I don't remember it!" Draco spat. "I don't give a fuck if no one believes me, but I don't remember killing anyone! For all I know, this is all a lie."

"And why should we believe you?" Manny shook his head. "You've done nothing but lie to me from the day you met me. You manipulated me, and I fell for it." He stood and glared down at Draco. "You're very good at what you do, I'll give you that."

"Wait," Draco said, scrambling to his feet as Manny crossed to the door. "I'm sorry! I don't expect you to forgive me--"

"Good."

"--but I wanted you to know the truth."

"Now that you've got no other options?" Manny turned to face him. "When would you have told me if this hadn't happened?"

Draco swallowed. He couldn't think of a way to answer that question that wouldn't make the situation worse.

"Exactly," Manny said. "You wouldn't have because it wasn't to your advantage until now. You could have chosen a side long ago, but you didn't. You went whichever way paid you better, and never gave a shit about the people you hurt in the process. It's always about you, isn't it? Well, fuck you!"

Draco took a step backwards. Manny didn't say things like that unless he meant them.

Manny turned back to the door. When his hand touched the knob, Draco felt panic settle over him. He stepped forward and grabbed Manny's arm.

"Please don't--"

Manny shook him off and whipped out his wand, pointing it at Draco. "Don't touch me."

Draco was shaking. But there was nothing he could do, nothing he could say. Manny would never forgive him. Draco could hardly blame him.

Manny lowered his wand, still glaring. "Goodbye, Draco."

"Wait -- what about Harry?"

"What about him?"

"Is he… does he…?" Draco couldn't even manage a sentence.

"He has no idea what to think," Manny said. "When Tonks told us, he didn't believe it until she played a recording--"

"I see," Draco said, cutting him off with a wave of his hand. There was nothing Draco could do now. "Will you tell him I'm sorry?"

Manny started to speak, but then paused. He nodded.

"Thank you," Draco said. "For everything."

Manny opened the door and walked out.

The sound of the door slamming shut echoed throughout the small room, almost like a Muggle gunshot. Draco stood still for nearly a minute, trembling.

It was over. His life was over. He'd done everything wrong, for all the wrong reasons. And he had just lost everything that was valuable to him.

This was what he deserved.

He collapsed to the floor, too drained even to cry.

+++++

No one else came to visit him. Draco had clung to the hope that Harry might hear his apology through Manny and decide to come -- to yell at Draco, if nothing else. That would have been better than silence, absence, nothing.

More food was brought at some point, but Draco didn't even look up. He wasn't hungry. If this was to be his new existence, he didn't want it.

He was sleeping when the cell door opened, long past midnight. He squinted up at the cloaked figure silhouetted in the doorway. The figure extended a wand, and then said, "Lumos."

Draco couldn't see the face, but he knew the voice. "Father?"

Lucius tilted the wand light towards his own face. His expression was nearly serene.

Draco sighed. So this was his choice. He could stay in this cell, with no future to speak of, or he could go with Lucius. He knew what the price would be. Leaving this cell would mean he had indebted himself to his father.

Lucius quirked an eyebrow, as if to say, "Well?"

Draco hesitated a moment longer, then climbed to his feet and followed his father through the door.

Go to part 15.

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

pombagira.livejournal.com

i'm the first...

*bounces around!!*

*runs of to read update..*

mwahahah!!

From:

pombagira.livejournal.com

ps.. hope you have a fantastic holidays.. with much adventure and relaxations..

*dances around!*

Re: weee...

From:

emmagrant01.livejournal.com - Date: 2005-06-08 03:12 pm (UTC) - Expand

From:

zully.livejournal.com

Aaaaaaaaaah! Evil! But oh, it's the glorious kind of evil. The kind that makes me want to shake you until you write more and hug you simultaneously. I do so love torturing characters we love.

But aagh. A WEEK until we get to hear Harry's thoughts first hand! But poor Draco DID have all this coming. *waggles finger* That'll teach you to lie to everyone you silly, silly boy.

From:

Yes, I'm here for the porn.

FIC: Surrender the Grey (14/30)

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