A question about sex... scenes

[emmagrant01]

What makes a sex scene hot?

No, seriously -- I want to know. I have a feeling that it's different for everyone.

For me, it's about realism, mostly. I don't like over-the-top fantasy-perfect sex. Cause you know, it just makes me wonder if I don't have such good sex. It makes me question my own sex life, and that is SO not fun. I'm pretty sure I have a pretty decent sex life, actually, and I get turned on by sex scenes that remind me of the sex I had the other night. Maybe one of us wasn't in the mood and had to be convinced. Maybe it took a little longer for me to come and he had to pull out a special "trick" to get the job done. Maybe he made that weird noise, the one he doesn't always make unless it's really good. And so on -- you get the picture.

My point is that for me, hot sex scenes are ones that seem real: real people, real sex, real humorous mishaps, real failures, real orgasms.

So what does it for you?

Comments

[helens78]

It's actually the same thing that I find important in writing in general: there's a certain sense of driving compulsion about it, every movement leading to the next one, every sentence making you feel like you have to know what comes next. So a lot of the sex I like to read tends to be "one minute they're sitting there doing something totally domestic, the next minute underwear's flying across the room".

*ponders*

That and a sense of strong comfortableness (ack, that's so not a word) between characters. Just the feeling that the characters are very connected to each other, a sense of warmth, the feeling that everything between them is entirely natural and not forced, that they're so comfortable with each other they can go from sitting on opposite ends of a couch reading and doing a crossword puzzle to warm, slow necking that never seems like it's going to stop without even needing to pause to say "hey, wanna neck?"

*ponders more*

[tmi] It's entirely possible those are both grounded in realism for me, too. Just what I'm accustomed to and therefore what seems "right" to me. I definitely do not dig the kind of sex scenes where it's purely about spiritual, mental connection and not about the physical stuff at all (as it seems some writers lean toward).

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking -- for me (and for you too, apparently) what's hot is what reminds me of my own sex life. Ack, this is probably going to piss someone off, but I've often wondered if the people who love fantasy sex are those who don't have a good sex life. And so they like fantasy sex because it's better than the real thing (or lack thereof)?

[shezan.livejournal.com]

You are right 1000%.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

I find it hilarious that we agree on things like this, but are such polar opposites in other respects! *hugs*

[painless-j.livejournal.com]

This is semi-OT 'cos it's 6 in the morning and I'm not very coherent. I just wanted to tell you that I'm nearly, nearly there with your request for awkward/realistic sex; 3 of 5 are chosen. I'm afraid that as always when only one place will be left I'll have 10 candidates and will be going mad choosing :)

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

Okay -- I wish I could say I understood that! ;-)

[thalia]

I dunno... I agree that those über-fake, hearts-and-roses sex scenes are no fun, but, for me, there's such a thing as too much realism. I think it's kind of like dialogue, where you want it to be real, but not necessarily exactly true to life.

That said, I can't think of how to explain the difference between sex scenes I like and those I don't. Emotional intensity, basically, but I don't know what causes it.

Probably no help at all, but there's my two cents.

[emmagrant01.livejournal.com]

So maybe it has to do with the way the scenes you like are written, more than the imagery they evoke?

there's such a thing as too much realism

Absolutely -- but sometimes it's the best thing for the plot of the story. If it's a PWP, fantasy sex is much more acceptable.

[dalila-arends.livejournal.com]

Still a virgin so I can't compare my sexlife with the ones I read about (or see ^_~) In real life I'd say for the first few times I'd like it to be somewhere unexpected and just rough (heh).

In fics I mostly like sex-scenes to be believable. As natural as possible and not 'perfect'. I like it better when small details are mentioned, that makes it more realistic. Especially for someone who hasn't had sex yet it gives you a better picture of what's all happening. I certainly don't like it when sex scenes run perfectly smooth!

Another factor for me is the way it's written. Not everyone is talented to also be able to make you feel the moment. I guess this is different for everyone. I know people who likes clicheed written fics. Most things works for them. I say they don't have any taste :)

So I'm with you, realism is the key.

[restless-jedi.livejournal.com]

I'll get off on anything, really. Tentacle rape, wank fics, anything. Even Sense and Sensibility. The book. By Jane Austin.

[marksykins.livejournal.com]

OMG. This made me laugh so hard.

Anyway, I like a little realism, though I don't want everything going wrong always! And I do like a happy ending eventually...though it's nice to write sex and have one partner get off from the sex, then the other need something else.

Eh, I'm tired, and I don't even have that 6am excuse Painless has. I like awkward, but it should be happy is what I'm saying. Unless it's non-con. And sometimes simultaneous orgasms and perfect synchronization is hot, too. *scratches head* On second thought, just ignore me. :D

[mizbean.livejournal.com]

I like realism myself. There's smut out there that really causes my eyes to roll. You know, the ones where a man comes seemingly minutes after his first orgasm. And maybe this is why I don't read much het: but being a woman *tmi* who needs a lot of external stimulation to reach an organism during intercourse, I dislike reading het scenes where a woman comes during intercourse along with her partner without touching herself or having her partner touch her.

That's not to say I don't like pure porn. I'm a big fan of the_leaky whose sex scenes are pretty fantastical, but they're well-written and I enjoy them for what they are.

This reminds me of a discussion I was in several months ago about first time sex. It seemed like the consensus was that nobody wanted to read a realistic depiction of first time sex and some seemed appalled by the idea. Rehashing bad memories, perhaps. I remember thinking that I wouldn't mind reading realistic first time sex but it all depends on the writing.

I guess it also depends on the context. A PWP is usually just smut and it's sole purpose is to get you off. Whereas a more plotty fic would benefit from more realism.

[marksykins.livejournal.com]

Hee. I'm always amazed that anyone reads my sex scenes at the Leaky, considering how perfectly they read (and that, incidentally, is not really the way I write sex in fic -- I should probably write a post about that one day), but the whole RPG is a guilty pleasure, so making things close to perfect is part of that guilt.

[jedirita.livejournal.com]

I think for me what makes a sex scene hot is desire. Desire does not necessarily mean love, and it doesn't even necessarily mean desire for the other person. But desire. A sex scene that's all about "UR so hawt, suck my dick, I'm cumming," - is probably more like lust than desire. Not to say the too are mutually exclusive. But I guess desire has to do with a longing, a hunger and thirst for something. Lust, PWPs, can at their most simplistic be just about scratching an itch, satisfying an urge, which in and of itself is not that interesting to me. What do the characters want? What are they longing for? Do they want love? Power? Security? Comfort?

And the desire goes hand in hand with realism to me, because one of the things I love about love is that your partner could be *meh* in the looks department, could even be ugly by general standards, but because you love them, they are beautiful. Which is why I hate Neville being made-over into a sex God. I want him to be loved for *himself*. I want Snape to be loved even with his greasy hair and sallow skin - loved without having to try a new shampoo and get a tan. You desire your lover even when they make funny noises or smell kinda stinky or they've got a headache or whatever.

Or maybe you're angry at your lover because they're not fulfilling one of your desires. You want cuddles, but he's not the cuddling type, etc. In a sex scene, I like to see desire, whether that desire is thwarted or fulfilled. And the inherent drama that you can't always get what you want - that your desires are never perfectly fulfilled. That's where the tension comes in, and maybe that's why I'm not keen on idealized romance. Because idealized romance is based on the premise that your desires *can* be perfectly realized.

That's why the blow-job scene in "Left My Heart" is so great - because you've got the desire of all three characters (actually, four if you include Manny who's watching) being mixed up in this scene - and to some extent they are all getting what they desire, but on a deeper level none of them gets what they desire. If it was just about Draco dictating to (omigod, forgot his name! Not Jeremy - ack!) how to go down on Harry, then I wouldn't care. But it's the interplay of all their desires that makes that scene so incredibly hot to me.

[oconel]

I totally agree with you, if the desire is well described the scene will probably be good. Unless the mechanics of it are confuse: who's in top of who? whose that leg? wasn't his mouth on the other guy's neck a minute ago, what's it doing in his toe now? :P

[http://users.livejournal.com/morningstar___/]

This is _br0kenhearted.

I got a new LJ and wanted to add you to my flist.

^_^

[batagur.livejournal.com]

I think there is a certain amount of aesthetics of language paired with good visual image that makes a compelling sex scene. One does not necessarily guarantee the other. I've read sex scenes that had lovely wording but were dry as a bone when it came to the visual image it painted in my mind. I have also read sex scenes that I knew where the author wanted to take me and it was a lovely place but she (or he) did it with such clumsy language that it detracted from the effect.

[goldie.livejournal.com]

It's definitely about the realism for me. And it's also about desire and passion. Nothing gets me more than seeing the characters just wanting each other so badly they can barely contain themselves, no matter how imperfect the sex is.

In fact, the clumsiness adds to the feeling of desire, suggesting they're so driven by it that they're barely coherent enough to think about what they're doing. Course, that's not always appropriate either. Specially not with characters who've been together a wee while.

Other things that make a scene hot for me include variety (trying something different yet plausible to the story, and also variety in words and feelings and textures and narrative...) and, most of all, describing how each and every action feels for both parties... what each little movement does to them physically and emotionally, their reactions, their partner noticing those reactions and reacting to them... etc.

Eg, if I'm reading about Harry's and Draco's cocks rubbing together, I always want to know how it feels for both of them. There's nothing better than reading about Harry's eyes rolling back in his head in *guh*ness, or those little italicised *fuck*s that boys in particular think/express when something is particularly mindblowing or new.

Wow. I feel kinda dirty after writing that >:D. Hope it was helpful!

[opaquebubble.livejournal.com]

You nailed it for me, darling.

[nattybear.livejournal.com]

I think that the fumbling uncertainty at first and maybe even througout is what makes a sex scene hot. So in a way, that sort of like a sub category of your realistic sex.

[maxine-chan.livejournal.com]

I definitely agree with the realism bit. I like reading about something that actually could happen and isn't perfect and fantastic in every way. But in saying that, I also think there are sex scenes out there that are too real. And by that I mean too many details. Not so much in the characters' feelings, but in their actions. When every little movement and action is explained and described, sometimes I lose the whole vibe. It's like it becomes too clinical or scientific. I get that feeling sometimes when I read over my own H/D sex scenes where I tried to be realistic...and I'm just like, augh, that bit wasn't necessary, or, wow, too much description there...

Also though, what I absolutely love that sort of goes along with the realism, is the awkwardness. I love awkward/embarrassing moments where the characters get flustered. Usually in the whole build-up before the actual sex. And from loving that, I fell in love with 'first-time' sex scenes. They're my fave. ^.^

But! All that aside, I'll seriously read pretty much any type of sex scene, with the exception of non-con or where the characters are OOC. I hate that. But realistic sex scenes are definitely awesome. ^.~

[versinae.livejournal.com]

I like a lot of things that people have already discussed here, but I love it when somebody comes up with a new phrase or imagery to describe something that makes me stop and have a really vivid idea of what they're saying. It's the language expressing the passion or the love or the heat of the moment in such a different way that it seems all new and shiny even if what it's describing I've read a million times before.

[I find this vaugely ironic because I'm a bio major in college and don't have time for any books that are not for my (mostly science) classes, and yet I really do read the porn for the writing sometimes. Hehe.]

[pir8fancier.livejournal.com]

I think the realism works because everyone can relate to being clumsy, being nervous, etc. You can visualize yourself in that scene, even if you're female (like me) and visualizing two men making it. The realism makes it a menage a trois, if you will.

I also think that a good sex scene is highly dependent on the tension level before it. A fairly okay sex scene will read a thousand times hotter if there has been oodles of tension before then. You're dying to get off, they're dying to get off. Mutual satisfaction abounds.

I think this is why PWP now bores me. Because even if a scene is well written, it is almost impossible (although in the hands of the right writer...) to convey a sense of tension without putting both feet firmly in non-con land. Not someplace everyone wants a passport to.

I must confess that I had a fairly ho-hum sex life (come on, been with the same man nearly 30 years!) until slash came along. Now, I'm much more of a predator (the cock-sucking scene in ILMHSF gave ME some pointers, merci, darli'), I've tried oodles of new things. Husband must be wondering why and where did she come up with that idea. Not that he's complaining. So even us with regular partners are grateful to slash for kick-starting the hormones. And I know I'm not the only one out there who reads and writes smut to keep those home fires burning.

[ex-ella-bane358.livejournal.com]

Wow, you took the words right out of my mouth. I told my husband, after I discovered slash, maybe I should write an article entitled "Slash and How it Rejuvenated my Sex life." He is indeed grateful. It's funny how the m/m sex scenes affect me. I don't think I'd ever been so excited to give my husband head before slash.

[ladyfalcon.livejournal.com]

I can't remember who said it, but a fairly famous writer did once say that a good sex scene had to "be about sex plus something else", for example, sex plus hate, sex plus power, even sex plus love, which not all of the stories written make very apparant. Sex is fun, but there's got to be something else added for punch.

I really agree that that's the best sex - PWP's can be fun, but unless they're about sex plus kink, and the kink hits my buttons head-on, they're unlikely to make it on my 'absolute all-time favorites' list.

I'm also personally a big fan of the slow build - enough so that I wonder if I'm a huge Snarry fan because I really dig Snarry or if it also has something to do with the huge number of novel-length Snarry fics to be had.

-Erin

[littleroo27.livejournal.com]

I think you're spot on about Snarry. Plus, you get your sex plus hatred, sex plus angst, sex plus depression, etc, etc. I love buildup to the point where PWP doesn't really do it anymore unless there is a plot, but it's built into the porn.

[darksylvia.livejournal.com]

I think you're on to it, but I think it's more than that.

Realism is good to a point, but the whole point of fiction is to take everybody one step further--to how good it COULD be, with this awesome character(s) etc.

Like, my RL lovers have never been as witty as Brian and Justin (QAF). So, I mean, the dialog and the actions still have to be real in that they're in-character, but, not necessarily real so realistically that it messes with the impact of the scene.

Which, I mean, I don't think you were implying or anything, but I thought I'd expand on your reality thing.

And then, of course, it only works if the author has already established the attractiveness of the individual characters and then established their attraction to each other. Because, yech, otherwise to me it's like bad porn. You don't want to see that stuff.

Also, for me, I don't think I've ever read a sex scene written by a man that I could connect with. They always leave me cold, for some reason. I wish I could think of an example so I could compare them.

[littleroo27.livejournal.com]

a lot of it depends on the back story, as well at what kind of mood I'm in. Cuz, hey, if I'm already horny it probably won't take much!

But, honestly, I like a sexy smutty scene that can give me a very clear mental picture WITHOUT over describing. Especially the ones that have lots of very short scentences cut together for each and every single movement. Call me comatose! And, yeah, realism is all good, and I think badsex! can be very sexy if done right (ie: starts with a spin), but then there is realism gone too far (ie: having to read about someone spending 10 minutes on the toilet to empty their bowels before sex... EWWW). I've had 2 colonoscopies, and the idea of having an enema on purpose when not forced by your doctor - no, it just won't happen. I don't care if it's magical or not!

Also, being able to get inside the characters heads during sex is fun. Instead of just watching it you are able to sort of feel it with them. And, just say no to simultanious orgasms. How often does that happen in real life - gimme a break!

[capra-maritimus.livejournal.com]

I want to know what the characters are feeling, how they react to what one character does to them. 'Insert tab a into slot b' porn is soooooooo boring!

And build-up is usually a must. :D

[rurounihime.livejournal.com]

I mostly find sex scenes with risk hot. And what I mean by that is, I don't find the one-night meaningless stands as appealing as the sex between people who love each other, or who are coming to love each other. I like to call it "soulsmut": the joining of the souls as well as the bodies. Sounds kind of hokey, but I just think sex where there is something to lose between the couple is a lot more titillating than sex that has nothing riding on it, no strings attached... I think there have to be strings to make it worthwhile. To me, the expression of love is just as hot, if not hotter than the sex itself.

[jane-sehrn-ta.livejournal.com]

Yes! I have to agree entirely with you here. I think the best sex/love/"drinking a hot cup of cocoa" scene has risk in it. If there's nothing at stake and everyone goes back home in the morning unchanged it's not very thrilling. It needs emotional intensity, and I don't mean sappy crying, although some plots may require (nay demand!) it. But if there's a tension behind everything, that makes either "slow and sweet" or "hard and fast" really satisfying. I think, however, from a writer's point of view that you can also get that intensity in the "one-night stand" scenario, which often involves one or more characters in some kind of betrayal, either of themselves (their own needs and wants) or of their lovers (cheating). Although like you, this is not my personal cup of tea, most of us are human enough to make a mistake, and that has a lot of implications for character development too.

[charlotteschaos.livejournal.com]

I'm going to call in with an "I don't know what makes it hot, I just know whether it is or isn't." Sometimes I like realism, but then again, there's a point where it just gets to be too real. I can have unsatisfying sex on my own. Err... scratch that and put something in that sounds less like I suck at the sex. ;)

I think realistic touches can be fun, but I also think (and this is totally because I just finished writing an awkward/tense sex scene that I don't think is particularly sexy, nor is it really meant to be) that realistic can just be realistic and that sometimes unrealism can be hot just because it's so unreal that it's sexy in an escapism sort of way.

I guess in the end it depends entirely on my mood and how it's written whether a story is sexy or not. One day a non-con Snaco will totally ring my bells, and the next day? Ew. Probably a lot of commenters here would find realistic sex hot, because, well... that's what you write and they are likely hear because of that. Go to Literotica and... well, a different story.

[spinfrog.livejournal.com]

Probably a lot of commenters here would find realistic sex hot, because, well... that's what you write and they are likely hear because of that.

LOL!!! Well, I don't know how realistic it is that one person would be so in love with the other person for so long that they just cannot say 'no' and everything feels great just because 'it's him'.. but it's certainly hot to read about..

[seaghostsoaring.livejournal.com]

I think its hot when its one of those spur of the moment omg your so hot lets sex now right here kinda thing. Also when its really romantic.
its al about the location ;] cough public area cough

Off Subject

[flowerfunleah.livejournal.com]

I know this is off-subject but the thought just popped into my mind when thinking about the HP/SW crossover fic (which I love btw and never thought I would!)

Wouldn't it be interesting to read a Harry Potter fic crossed over with Jay and Silent Bob? Jay being the gay one.

Re: Off Subject

[spinfrog.livejournal.com]

Jay is bi!!! *g*

Jay: OMG!!! Hermione AND Harry both want me!!!!

[meredyth-13.livejournal.com]

Emotion!

Whether it's passion, massive resolution of UST, desperation, affection, love, lust...

I dont care if it's explicit of not, if there's an intensity of whatever emotion is being expressed, and that's captured in well written prose, that gets to me more than paragraphs of description.

I've gotten hotter over hands meeting under a table, or a passing caress, than some graphic sex scenes. That's not to say that full on detail doesn't work, but it has to have a reason, an emotion, before it's more than just words.

Maybe that comes back to me needing an emotional / mental trigger for sex to be any good - whether it's mood, or place, or whatever - I need that aspect of it, otherwise you can fiddle with my bits to your heart's content, and nothin's gonna work.