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emmagrant01Because I need a laugh today, here are two cute jokes that were recently sent to me by friends.
A passer-by noticed an old lady sitting on her front step:
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you looked! What is your secret for such a long, happy life?"
"I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day", she said. "Before I go to bed, I smoke a big, fat joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends I pop a huge number of pills and do no exercise at all."
"This is absolutely amazing at your age!!!!", says the passer-by. "How old are you?"
"Twenty four"
A man and a woman, who had never met before, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two were tired and fell asleep quickly...he in the upper
bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, he leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaimed.
"Good," she replied. "Get your own damn blanket!"
After a moment of silence, he farted.
Thanks to those of you who sent encouraging comments last night. I appreciate your thoughts!
A passer-by noticed an old lady sitting on her front step:
"I couldn't help noticing how happy you looked! What is your secret for such a long, happy life?"
"I smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day", she said. "Before I go to bed, I smoke a big, fat joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends I pop a huge number of pills and do no exercise at all."
"This is absolutely amazing at your age!!!!", says the passer-by. "How old are you?"
"Twenty four"
A man and a woman, who had never met before, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two were tired and fell asleep quickly...he in the upper
bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, he leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaimed.
"Good," she replied. "Get your own damn blanket!"
After a moment of silence, he farted.
Thanks to those of you who sent encouraging comments last night. I appreciate your thoughts!
