I agree with everything everyone said already...so many ridiculous metaphors! It's horrible! ...it also amuses me how OBVIOUSLY it's written by a man. :) Not that that's what makes it bad, it's just so amusingly obvious.
Oh and that line: "We made love for 30 minutes..." Right. I think it's always kinda bad when people try to stick timing into stories. "He did that for 10 minutes and then moved on to -whatever- for 5 minutes." It kinda ruins the mood.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-07-25 02:22 pm (UTC)Oh and that line: "We made love for 30 minutes..." Right. I think it's always kinda bad when people try to stick timing into stories. "He did that for 10 minutes and then moved on to -whatever- for 5 minutes." It kinda ruins the mood.