From the WTF Files: Purity Balls

So there's been a bit of buzz lately about so-called "Purity Balls", father-daughter formal dances at which girls pledge to their fathers that they will remain virgins until they are married. From here: "The purpose and vision of this event is for young women to realize how precious they are--that they are very much worth waiting for."

So yeah, this is one of those weird American evangelical Christian things, like something out of Jesus Camp. (Think they take their pledge in front of a cardboard cutout of The Shrub?) And if you're not an American (and hell, even if you are), you might be reading this and thinking I'm making this shit up. There's a video segment from the Today show here that's pretty good (but lacks the WTF factor it truly deserves) and here is a web page for another purity ball. (Oh, and while you're there, scroll down and check out who the sponsors are.) More here and here.

So obviously I take issue with this sort of thing on many levels. First of all, let me say that dads and daughters spending time together is great, of course. I have great memories of my dad taking us to the movies and out to dinner on the weekends he had us. But the whole idea of this pledge really seems to be that girls have to be taught that their biggest value lies in their virginity -- not in their minds or their hearts.

And the idea that it's the responsibility of their fathers to impress this upon them does not sit well with me. What about their mothers? And what about their brothers, for that matter? Are they subject to the same sort of pledge? Oh, yeah -- they get Integrity Balls. Wait, it gets better:

Baker told the young men that the women they had come with, their mothers, were somebody’s daughters, and they meant the world to those parents. He further told them that when they date a girl, she is somebody’s daughter, and they care deeply for her. “So you’re dating someone else’s future wife,” he told them. He also told them that someone else may be dating their future wife. “If you knew somebody was with your future wife,” Baker asked them, “touching her in ways you wouldn’t like, pressuring her, how would that make you feel?”

Um, what? The message seems pretty fucking clear to me: women are property, valued for their sexual purity and their ability to reproduce and be subservient, to be passed from one man to another. I mean really -- "How would you feel about someone else damaging your future property?" The people who run these things won't put it in those terms, but it's very clear that purity is important for girls (who must be protected by men), and it's important for boys to understand that the more they fuck around, the fewer marriageable women there will be available later. And god forbid you marry a woman who's been "used up" by other men:

Detweiller told another story about a man and woman coming to the altar, about to be married, when another guy comes up from the audience and holds the bride’s hand as the ceremony is performed. More guys come forward, until six are holding onto the bride. When the groom asks her what is going on, she replies, “These are guys from my past. They don’t matter to me now, but I gave them a piece of my heart. What’s left of my heart is yours.”

Notice there aren't any extra brides hanging around the altar in that story. Apparently his prior sexual activity doesn't count.

I imagine that the whole thing seems bizarre and sexist to most people who are reading this. At least, I hope so. But I guess what disturbs me the most is that despite the fact that 88% of girls who make these pledges ultimately break them (stat from the video clip), the assumption is that the pledge is all they need. So there's no sex education, no information about safe sex. And when the vast majority of these girls do have premarital sex, they will likely be doing it in a situation where they aren't making an informed decision about their own bodies. Or worse, they unsafely engage in everything-but-intercourse sexual activity, because they're so uneducated about sex that they think the only unsafe sex is intercourse.

I'm so, so disturbed by this. I suppose I'm particularly baffled because my parents were pretty open with me about sexuality. I was given any information I asked for, and both of my parents emphasized the importance of education and independence. My mom wanted me not to get married young like she did and encouraged me to go out and explore the world, and my dad wanted me never to let a boy pressure me into sex if I wasn't ready. But they both made it clear that it was my body and my decision, and wanted me to have all the information I needed to make it. And so I did.

If I am lucky enough to have kids, I'd want nothing less for them.