*collapses*

[emmagrant01]

So, I sent the last part of STG to the betas just now.



I don't remember feeling this way about the end of LMH. Perhaps that was because it wasn't really the end, and I knew I had a long way to go. But man, this is the Big Finish, and I'll be damned if I'm not utterly terrified of it.

It's weird that so many people are reading STG, more than were reading LMH when the first draft of that was finished. I guess that's part of the pressure here -- I've had this story in my head for so long and I've known how it was going to end and how things would get resolved, and I'd be a fool if I thought that everyone who's been following this story will like it or be satisfied by it. I think most people will, though -- and in the end, *I* like it, and I'm pretty satisfied with it. I guess that counts for something. :-P

It's really, really hard to let go of it, though. I've been working on this story since February 14, 2004, when I was watching the news and there were gay marriages happening in San Francisco. I'd been searching for a bunny for my first HP fic, and the basic premise for LMH popped into my head as I sat there watching television. And then it grew, and grew, and got very twisty, and the next thing I knew my short little H/D fic became a trilogy, written as a two-novel set. I started working on STG about a year ago, and it's almost all I've thought about fandom-wise since. I thought about it on the treadmill at the gym, while in the shower, while commuting to work, while laying in bed at night, unable to sleep. Saying goodbye to these boys is going to be hard, because they've been part of my life for more than a year and a half.

It will be a relief to be done with the weekly schedule, I have to admit. I had ambitions of having these parts written well in advance, but that didn't happen. I basically started each chapter every Wednesday night, after posting the previous part that morning. Depending on my work or travel schedule, I had about an hour and a half every night to write, and a little more on the weekends (especially once football season started, heh). I tried to get the new chapter to my betas by Sunday (but it was often Monday), and they stoically read the thing and sent me feedback on a very quick turnaround. I would spend Tuesday evening revising, then coding for preparation to post on Wednesday morning. Then Wednesday night, I'd start all over again. It was grueling, but I actually like to write that way. Deadlines motivate me, and having 100 people waiting to read the next part of the story every week was definitely a deadline!

So is this really it? I have been asked that quite a lot lately. For the most part, yes, it is. There is an epilogue that I won't have ready in time to post this week, and I may just post it next Wednesday for old times' sake. I have some short ficlets and scenes that didn't fit into the story that I'd like to write, and I may do those during the revision process. But I doubt there will be another novel-length set in this universe.

I have a few writing projects waiting in the wings that I am excited to start, almost all of them collaborations. The lovely jedirita and I are working on an HBP-era fic that will definitely push me to write characters I haven't written before. geoviki, abbycadabra, and blackboggart and I are working on a novel-length post-war H/D novel that I am extremely excited about. There's a little secret-ish thing going on with another group of folks that I won't say anything more about just yet, and then there's this, of course. *grins* And merry_smutmas, which I have put on the back burner for longer than I intended. Oooh, so much writing! I can't wait. :-D

But in the meantime, wow. I have such mixed feelings about the end of LMH-STG. You fall in love with your characters when you write something this long, as I'm sure many of you know. You know them so well by the end of the process, and it's hard to say goodbye. If you've read this far down the post -- and if you have, I'm impressed, if not a little surprised -- and if you understand that feeling of loss of a story, how did you get past it? How long did it take until you were able to let the characters go?

Of course, this rough draft REALLY needs a lot of work, so it's not like it's done -- not by a long shot. There are lots of little inconsistencies that need to be cleaned up, plot threads I dropped that need to be edited, details that need to be fleshed out, and so on. I probably won't get started on the rewrite until after the holidays. Maybe I'll be ready to face the end of it by then. *sigh*


In the meantime, I ♥ all of you so, so much. Thank you for making this experience so amazing!

Comments

Awww....:(

[(Anonymous)]

I'm soooo sad this story's going to end. No more Wednesday treat. :( Thanks for making me super happy. I sooo love your story I don't want to see it end. Ugh. But as they say, all good things must come to an end.ü :(

Well, maybe it's really hard to let go of this but.. I dunno. If I'm in a similar situation, I just let it go. I detach myself from that not-so-good feeling when I know something's going to end. And I'm better. I just hate endings!!! It's what makes me cry. Knowing something is going to end. (Specially if it's something I really love.)

I really had so much fun reading this. Thank you, thank you, thank you for coming up with this great story.

I'm somehow happy for you because as you said "It will be a relief to be done with the weekly schedule, I have to admit."

I'm looking forward to your next fic. I'm gonna miss this so much!ü :(

Love,
amer
*I've been reading this for a long time but it's my first time to post a comment. Teehee.*

[eleal.livejournal.com]

I am a serious lurker. :) I think I found your fic through the art the Mijan did for you. I thought, "Wow - I wouldn't mind reading about how it got to this point." Love LMH - Love STG. I really can't wait to see what you come up with next!

[jexay.livejournal.com]

LMH was the first H/D I've ever read and the one that made me love the pairing so much. I've printed LMH in booklet format and added the art in the appropriate places. It's bound (A stapler in the middle counts as binding, yeah?) and already dog-eared. I will most likely do the same with STG as soon as you have the final. You have shared so much of yourself to us in these 2 stories. Thank you for writing them.

I did not read the cookie you posted. I would much rather read the whole last chapter but am also feeling a little apprehensive doing so. It is the last and, well, I really don't want it to end... *hugs tight*

It's been an amazing ride and thank you for sharing your wonderful talent with us. *kiss*

[luahoana.livejournal.com]

I'm amazed at how important such a 'little fic' can become... I can imagine, though.

I can't believe in how many different situations and places I've read these two fics, from my pre-final exams time in spring 2004 all the way through the exams (when I should have been studying) to the time afterwards, to my time in the UK, my summer back at home and now here as a student in a new town.

It was your fic that brought me to lj and looking at it like that I owe you a whole fricking lot.

I haven't completely realised that it's going to be over tomorrow...but all good things have to end some time, I suppose...even the very very good ones.

So, thank you Emma, for the wonderful time. You and your fic have made a lot of people worship Tuesday/Wednesday happy.
I still look forward on reading your political/fangirl etc. comments in the future (and I do hope that I get to do some research for the H/D post-hogwarts list soon. It's been some time.) :)

[malicemadden.livejournal.com]

I suppose it's hard to say goodbye, especially the author.
Thank you for writing this wonderful story, keeping H/D alive and giving us some fantastic porn to read.
We love you!

THANK YOU EMMA

[celticballet.livejournal.com]

*Tear* This is so sad! I don't want this to end. I've been following it from the begginning and it's just become such a big part of my life; I always looked forward to wednesdays, but now they're going to feel so empty.
On top of the many things things I've learned from you're fics: you've made me love San Francisco and made me want to visit London even more, you've taught me that slash is 100 times better then het and that Boyd Holbrook IS Draco Malfoy.
I feel like you're leaving! I'm going to miss STG so much, but now I can look forward to you're next big fic, what ever that maybe, I'm sure it'll be great.
As always, can't wait till wednesday, and thank you for such a truly wonderful story! *huggles*

[dustbunnies710.livejournal.com]

I just wanted to say thanks!
I have had so much fun following STG.
It is such a brilliant story and you're an amazing writter, so thank you for taking the time to write and share these with everyone=]
My goodness, you are so dedicated. I would never be able to keep up with a story of this magnitude and make postings every week...it amazes me how you keep up with it all so I understand how you will be relieved once it is over.
This story and its characters will be greatly missed but I am very much looking forward to that epilouge and scenes you were talking about=]
Thanks agian for giving us all something to look forward to on Wednesdays!!!
♥♥♥♥

[goddessdel.livejournal.com]

I've been one of those hideous lurkers because, frankly, by the time I got around to reading STG on Wednesday night or Thursday afternoon, I had nothing to say that anyone else hadn't said. And the "guh, in love" comments sounded silly, even in my own head. ;)

I remember browsing thefanlistings.org and clicking on the Harry/Draco fanlisting. There was this beautiful picture as a layout, so I clicked on as much information as I could find, and loandbehold, I find that the picture was drawn for this highly recced fic LMH.

Needless to say, I clicked. And read. And read some more. And waited for updates, and then read some more. It had never even occured to me to check out the lj of such a fantastic writer -- I was too busy reading the fic with every spare second I had. And then rereading it. Heh.

Then, I forgot about it for a little bit. Come back a few months later and find out that omigoshness, you were working on STG. Off I trooped to your lj, greedy for more of such amazing fic, and started in. I think you were at about chapter 7... though I can't recall exactly.

I got all caught up then absently checked for updates for about three chapters. By chapter 10 I was checking every Tuesday (just in case) and every Wednesday without fail. And I've been here ever since.

At first, I thought I was just in love with the stories. I am. But, they way you put out such activist, wonderful, informative posts, write letters, write fanfic... I think I gradually became your complete fangirl. ;)

The point of this long ramble? I should have spent the last couple months commenting on all the "guh, I love,lovelovelove it!!!!!!!1!"s for every chapter. But since I didn't, insert about a trillion of them here.

It's been a long haul - much longer for you, I know. But you've written beautiful stories that are realistic, romantic, and just downright amazing.


Here's a *HUGE* THANKYOUEMMA for the super-duper fics. We owe ya like a billion.

I love you xD

[(Anonymous)]

This little bit actually had me in tears. Being a writer myself I know what its like to fall in love with those characters, and I know how impossible it is to let them go. I have stories I've wrote ages ago and the characters are still a part of me. I often find myself thinking back to certain scenes in said stories, imagining scenerios for my characters. I've even considered writing more about them and then realize that I must let them go, to make way for the new characters stirring in the shadows of my mind. But there are always those ones that will be a part of you forever, and that's definitly not a bad thing. My writing has played an important role in some of my own character development, and I will always carry pieces of my creations and their experiences with me.

You have been an inspiration to a lot of people with your writing, myself included.

Anyway, I must cut this short, my friend is bugging me to get going. Thank you tons for being there every Wednesday as promised, its nice to have something reliable to look forward to every week, especially something so tasty.

So here's to you!

Thank you thank you thank you. xD

A fan always,

Shan

[(Anonymous)]

Wow. I don't have an LJ, and I haven't written that much fanfic, but I have been following these characters since you started writing LMH, and it breaks my heart to see it end. These two stories have seen me through a hard year, and even though I have never commented about how much they mean to me (because I was always too lame and scared to do so... ha ha ha), I thought you should know that they do. You are very talented, and the fact that I am practically crying because I feel like I am saying goodbye to these boys proves that. I can't wait to see how it all ends. I know it will be just as spectacular as the rest of the story has been. Thank you SO MUCH for the ride. :)

~Erin

[szel.livejournal.com]

*sobs*

*hugs*

It's been fun. I can't wait for the last chapter, FINALLY. =)

ohno!

[daemonangelus.livejournal.com]

it's ending! ): but hurry up and post will you! the world is dying in suspense here! xP

mucho love.