emmagrant01: (STG)
[personal profile] emmagrant01
So, I sent the last part of STG to the betas just now.



I don't remember feeling this way about the end of LMH. Perhaps that was because it wasn't really the end, and I knew I had a long way to go. But man, this is the Big Finish, and I'll be damned if I'm not utterly terrified of it.

It's weird that so many people are reading STG, more than were reading LMH when the first draft of that was finished. I guess that's part of the pressure here -- I've had this story in my head for so long and I've known how it was going to end and how things would get resolved, and I'd be a fool if I thought that everyone who's been following this story will like it or be satisfied by it. I think most people will, though -- and in the end, *I* like it, and I'm pretty satisfied with it. I guess that counts for something. :-P

It's really, really hard to let go of it, though. I've been working on this story since February 14, 2004, when I was watching the news and there were gay marriages happening in San Francisco. I'd been searching for a bunny for my first HP fic, and the basic premise for LMH popped into my head as I sat there watching television. And then it grew, and grew, and got very twisty, and the next thing I knew my short little H/D fic became a trilogy, written as a two-novel set. I started working on STG about a year ago, and it's almost all I've thought about fandom-wise since. I thought about it on the treadmill at the gym, while in the shower, while commuting to work, while laying in bed at night, unable to sleep. Saying goodbye to these boys is going to be hard, because they've been part of my life for more than a year and a half.

It will be a relief to be done with the weekly schedule, I have to admit. I had ambitions of having these parts written well in advance, but that didn't happen. I basically started each chapter every Wednesday night, after posting the previous part that morning. Depending on my work or travel schedule, I had about an hour and a half every night to write, and a little more on the weekends (especially once football season started, heh). I tried to get the new chapter to my betas by Sunday (but it was often Monday), and they stoically read the thing and sent me feedback on a very quick turnaround. I would spend Tuesday evening revising, then coding for preparation to post on Wednesday morning. Then Wednesday night, I'd start all over again. It was grueling, but I actually like to write that way. Deadlines motivate me, and having 100 people waiting to read the next part of the story every week was definitely a deadline!

So is this really it? I have been asked that quite a lot lately. For the most part, yes, it is. There is an epilogue that I won't have ready in time to post this week, and I may just post it next Wednesday for old times' sake. I have some short ficlets and scenes that didn't fit into the story that I'd like to write, and I may do those during the revision process. But I doubt there will be another novel-length set in this universe.

I have a few writing projects waiting in the wings that I am excited to start, almost all of them collaborations. The lovely [livejournal.com profile] jedirita and I are working on an HBP-era fic that will definitely push me to write characters I haven't written before. [livejournal.com profile] geoviki, [livejournal.com profile] abbycadabra, and [livejournal.com profile] blackboggart and I are working on a novel-length post-war H/D novel that I am extremely excited about. There's a little secret-ish thing going on with another group of folks that I won't say anything more about just yet, and then there's this, of course. *grins* And [livejournal.com profile] merry_smutmas, which I have put on the back burner for longer than I intended. Oooh, so much writing! I can't wait. :-D

But in the meantime, wow. I have such mixed feelings about the end of LMH-STG. You fall in love with your characters when you write something this long, as I'm sure many of you know. You know them so well by the end of the process, and it's hard to say goodbye. If you've read this far down the post -- and if you have, I'm impressed, if not a little surprised -- and if you understand that feeling of loss of a story, how did you get past it? How long did it take until you were able to let the characters go?

Of course, this rough draft REALLY needs a lot of work, so it's not like it's done -- not by a long shot. There are lots of little inconsistencies that need to be cleaned up, plot threads I dropped that need to be edited, details that need to be fleshed out, and so on. I probably won't get started on the rewrite until after the holidays. Maybe I'll be ready to face the end of it by then. *sigh*


In the meantime, I ♥ all of you so, so much. Thank you for making this experience so amazing!
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Date: 2005-11-01 01:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] snottygrrl.livejournal.com
it has been a blast to read your stories and i can't wait for more things from you. i love these boys (and fully intend to print out a version of both lmh and stg when you finish the rewrite), but for me i can always go back and reread. for you it is a bit different. i wish i had some wise words to help past the heartache of endings, but change is always upon us. the end of things isn't so much the end, as a moving past to new and more wonderful things.

your words have touched so many of us, thank you for sharing them. you are quite a special spirit, you know? [*loves*]

Date: 2005-11-01 01:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] prznkitty.livejournal.com
I think this is the right place to tell you how bloody fantastic you are. I understand about the boys eating up your mind 24/7, they ate mine too! (I swear, I care more about the state of their relationship than mine). You've done such an amazing job writing this and hell, it's been an experience just READING it. However this all ends, I'm positive I won't be disappointed by it (you've never disappointed me before!) and I just can't wait for the conclusion. I adore your writing to no end and I'm so excited to be able to read all these stories you do. ♥

thanks

Date: 2005-11-01 01:21 am (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
It is WE who should say the thanks!

Date: 2005-11-01 01:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vlredreign.livejournal.com
For me, the wait hasn't been so long. I just read LMH like around the early part of the year, and this this one about a week ago. I had read the first chapter of STG a few months back, but lost the link. So happy to have found it, and you. I'm gonna miss this universe when it's over, but so looking forward to your next project. You're very talented, and kept my attention from the beginning. *hugs*

Date: 2005-11-01 01:46 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yaycoffee.livejournal.com
Well, I know how excited-yet-a-little-sad *I* am to see the end of it, so I can only imagine that it's that-plus-a-bajillion more so for you. I have LOVED this story. Loved. It. I am excited, too, that you still have more stories to tell, even if there not Harry and Draco or in the LMH-STGverse (though I will squee my pants if/when you write the extra scenes). Mostly, I'm glad to have fallen into this amazing story and met one of the nicest people in all of fandom (that'd be you, m'dear;-)).

(deleted comment) (Show 1 comment)

Date: 2005-11-01 02:53 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] assassinofjoy.livejournal.com
Wow. I'm right there with you ... I'd almost forgotten how close you were to really being finished with this. Wednesday has become almost sacrosanct for me, waiting for each new part and finding out what's going to happen next in this fantastic story. I can see why you feel the way you do, nursing this baby for so long (a year and a half - DAAAAMN!) then finally reaching the end. It's amazing that you've stuck by this so long, when many other writers would have just stopped half-way through and left us hanging. That sort of dedication, I think, is part of what has brought you such a devoted fanbase, and a rightly deserved one too.

For whatever it's worth to you, I just want to say thank you for sharing such a great universe with us. The characters are rich with personality and conflict, and it's always been simultaneously funny, sad, infruriating at times, and just plain heartwrenching. It's been a long time since I've enjoyed a story as much as I've enjoyed this one, and while I'm sorry to see it end, I'm excited too, to finally know the outcome and what's in store for our beloved boys.

Thank you, Emma. Party on ♥

Sooooo Long....

Date: 2005-11-01 02:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jackhallin.livejournal.com
I can still vaguely remember reading LMH forever ago. This was when I was still reading whatever I could find on FFnet. I had yet to discover the ways of the LJ and just by chance stumbled on LMH's archive page. I have it saved on my computer and my PalmPilot, so I can read it even when my internet is being retarded :-p. As much as I dread the end of STG, I also wlecome it. All good things must end, else they should be spoiled by time. I look at LMH and then STG, and I see your writing mature so much. I haved loved, these many weeks, following these characters. Your characters.

Of course, I'm hoping for teh major smut in the last chapter. "We're finally together and free" sex and all that.

:-p

Your constant supporter,

Jack

Date: 2005-11-01 03:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sciencegeek.livejournal.com
So...Wednesday will be last chapter, and then sometime you'll post an epilogue?
If this question sounds stupid I'm blaming my head injury.

Date: 2005-11-01 03:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] spacetweenears.livejournal.com
Thank you for making my fandom reading so so so enjoyable!!

*fangirls shamelessly*

Date: 2005-11-01 03:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nanwilliems.livejournal.com
LMH kept me sane in japan when everyone around me were turning into hugely insane monsters.
STG kept me sane whilst i've been writing my thesis. i almost feel like i should be crediting you in the darned thing (which has just finished printing!! yey!!)
i am awed and amazed by the way that you were able to churn this baby out week after week and i feel privileged to have found it and enjoyed it along with everyone else.

Date: 2005-11-01 03:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pocketroxy.livejournal.com
It's been a great ride honey! I'm sorry to see it ending, but looking forward to what you get up to next :)

Date: 2005-11-01 03:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nmalfoy.livejournal.com
It's scary getting to the end. I've got one more chapter of MPI left and I'm sort of like you--scared of letting go. And you have to wrap up all your loose ends, which is hard to do. Although, as someone pointed out, you can leave a few dangling if you have a sequel.

Something that's been part of your life as long as STG and LMH are bound to be caught up in your day to day life. Whether thinking or writing. And anytime we change things, or say goodbye to a chapter of our lives, it can be emotional. Because it's a change. Sounds perfectly normal.

But I'm going to miss squeeing on Wednesdays.

Date: 2005-11-01 04:37 am (UTC)
viridescence: (HD shades of grey- art by eneada)
From: [personal profile] viridescence
I can imagine how it must feel to finish a story so huge... thrilling, terrifying, accomplished, sad...

I've loved this story and LMH for I don't know how long, and really, just because the story is finished doesn't mean that it's done. Believe me, I'll be returning to both for a long time. You have every reason to be proud, Emma. You've written a story (two stories) that were unique to the fandom, brilliantly plotted, beautiful characters, flaws and all, and you have truly left your mark on the fandom. I'm so excited to read the last chapter, and the epilogue, and I look forward to the revised version. Take your time with that... savor your last time with your characters. And if you miss them sometime down the road, a one-shot here and there won't go unappreciated. I know I haven't reviewed consistently, but I've read each week, nearly religiously, and for me, that's saying something! ;D

Beautiful work, as always. 'Till Wednesday...

Date: 2005-11-01 04:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ktoth04.livejournal.com
Ooooooh! Emma's writing HBP era fic? That means there will be more gooooooood HBP era fic! Yay! (trying to forget STG is ending)

Date: 2005-11-01 04:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eristeleute.livejournal.com
Thank you *so much* for creating LMH and StG. I just kind of fell into reading it last spring while living abroad and I've been completely obsessed with it ever since. I pimp it to my friends who hate H/D (goodness knows I used to) and even to a few friends who don't usually read slash. Am I making it clear just how much I love your story!?! *You* made me fall in love with this pairing. And while I completely understand your need for a break, it just won't be the same without weekly updates. I would *gleefully* buy hardback copies of your stories if they were available.

I can't wait to read the newest/last installment - especially since it's practically a birthday gift for me! And I'll still be here afterward, encouraging you in all your other HP universe adventures. :)

Thank you so much for sharing this with us, Emma. :)

Date: 2005-11-01 05:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lover-of-slash.livejournal.com
Aw, now you've got me all wibble-y and I didn't even write the story! But, seriously, thank you so much for writing this- I can't speak for everyone, but StG brightened my Wednesdays from the beginning. Thank you for not giving up, for keeping up with the deadlines and being so inclusive to all us readers.

So very much love and ♥

Date: 2005-11-01 05:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] maxine-chan.livejournal.com
I often forget that it was LMH that brought me to livejournal in the first place. I'd done the FF.net thing, found Schnoogle, saw some of the authors there had Yahoo groups, and while exploring Yahoo I found the H/D groups that you posted links to for LMH. From that I discovered the LJ part of H/D fandom, and it's really a whole nother world, isn't it? It's so much easier to get to know people and form relationships here, and that's one of the best parts of our fandom. So really, thank you for bringing me here! It's amazing how these boys become such a huge part of our lives, isn't it? I've truly enjoyed reading STG (and LMH, of course), and I'll be really sad to see it end. lol, I'm actually glad you weren't ready to post last week. ^.^ I hope to see much more from you in the future!

Date: 2005-11-01 05:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] prestonsbarr.livejournal.com
we're all there with you.. many people already saying they don't want the end, that it will be sad like saying goodbye to a dear friend... but at least we have each other to move on together *hugs*

Date: 2005-11-01 07:30 am (UTC)
oconel: oconel's Flowers (Fred. Maybe George?)
From: [personal profile] oconel
*hugs*

It's been wonderful to wait for the updates every wednesday (at my lunch time!) and to read these amazing stories.

You're probably not the only one in love with your characters *winks* and it's been incredible to do this journey with you.

*loves*

Date: 2005-11-01 09:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lagreyeyes.livejournal.com
What a lovely post. *smiles* I'll miss your boys quite a bit.

But I'm glad to hear you're working on more (though shorter) projects!

Date: 2005-11-01 09:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] charlotteschaos.livejournal.com
I start a new project :)

Date: 2005-11-01 09:50 am (UTC)
ext_14590: (Default)
From: [identity profile] meredyth-13.livejournal.com
Hell, I'm crying just thinking about it. I hate separation depression at the end of a long, wonderful story - when I want to keep living in their lives.

But as you're well aware, I live with your Harry and Draco in a part of my life anyway, and this will just fill in another part of their backstory for me. *g*

Emma, you've given me (and so many others) great joy and pleasure through these stories, and I want to thank you sincerely for that. We've never really got to know each other, but I deeply respect your endeavours to help balance out social injustice, your energy and bouyant enthusiasm, and your lovely writing.

I both dread and look forward to the end of STG. Thank you.

Date: 2005-11-01 10:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] satunen.livejournal.com
Uh, my heart jumped a bit reading the first sentence. It really is hard, isn't it? Almost like your kid is going to get married, and then things will never be the same again. (Ok, I definitely don't have kids yet, but I'd imagine it feeling somewhat like this.)
There isn't much to say. Just THANK YOU so, so, so much for writing this and sharing this with all of us! It's been an amazing journey, and I kinda hate to see it ending. But also, can't wait to see how it ends, though it's a bit scary. I mean, YOU are scary. Never know what are you going to come up with. ;)

But thanks. Love you.

Date: 2005-11-01 10:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nightwish-fan.livejournal.com
I feel sad now, I can't believe that it'll all be over. I adore LMH and STG, one of my favourite H/D stories...ever! Heh. So yeah, thanks for writing such a wonderful story. :)
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