emmagrant01 | Really need to get my fandom mojo back.

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Really need to get my fandom mojo back.

Every time I go anywhere near Tumblr these days, I start to hear about wank, so I back off again. It's summer and I have a kid on my hands full time at the moment, so it's easy to just keep busy doing other things. And between

threepatch and

tumblr_refuge, I feel like I'm staying reasonably active in the fandom (and having fun while doing it).

But I have a Sherlock fic I really, really need to finish, and I have to figure out how to find the motivation to do it. It's set after HLV, so there is all of that to deal with, and wow. That's just hard right now. I'm not sure what I believe about Mary's backstory and where John's and Sherlock's heads are after that episode. (Not that I think everyone else is sure either, but man, that makes it complicated to work out the plot.) And when I start to think about the unpleasant comments I am bound to get on it (because no matter what you write, you're going to upset someone who doesn't know how to use the back button these days), it makes me want to forget the whole thing and go do something else.

But I can't, because it's being written for someone who paid a large amount of money for a fic from me in a fandom fundraiser, and this is the fic she wanted. And it's been a year and I really do need to get it done. I actually like the prompt a lot and think that if I can just get myself back to work on it, it will probably turn out to be something I will enjoy writing.

drinkingcocoa has seen a few chapters and has assured me that it's worth writing, and that it will turn out well.

BG will be in a day camp next week from 9-5 every day, and so I will have time to sit down and write. I just need the motivation to actually do it. Got any you can spare? :-P

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There are only a handful of fic writers that I have faith will finish what they start, and look beautiful doing it, even if the motivation might be lacking - the readers can't tell.

You're one of them. :)

*hugs* Thank you for that. :-)

I'm sorry the prospect of nastiness is harshing your enjoyment of writing.

As a practical suggestion, since this story is a gift, you'd be well justified to add a "no concrit" disclaimer, which is what I often do on stories written for fests. Something along the lines of "This is a complete work of fiction that was written as a gift for [person] in [occasion], and as such, no concrit is being solicited."

And philosophically, the beauty of hiatus is that you can play with however many Mary backstories and John and Sherlock states of mind as you please. People generally don't yell at you unless you try to write all of the different theories into the same fic, unless you're doing a bad-ass meta fandom commentary in fic form, which would be awesome. *kicks away bunny I really don't need*

It also means you have the luxury of refilling your creative well a bit without having to worry about more canon appearing straightaway. So if writing isn't happening in your mind right now, then perhaps use some of that 9-5 block of time to read a book you've been meaning to read. Or reorganize your writing space. Anything to occupy the brain so as to give your ideas some room to mature the point that you really want to write them down. That's what works for me anyway.

Good luck!

since this story is a gift, you'd be well justified to add a "no concrit" disclaimer, which is what I often do on stories written for fests.

That's a fantastic suggestion, and something I haven't thought of doing before. Thank you!

I haven't spent much (or any) time writing in the last month or so, and I'm starting to think it will feel good to sit down with no distractions and do it. Yes, I think it will. :-)

Alas, disclaimers are only so effective against people who can't be arsed to read warnings, but at least it makes them look even more toolish than they otherwise would, and that's at least a bit satisfying :D

Hooray for precious blocks of time to write!

It's just like writing any piece of fiction - it's yours, so it's for you to decide what is the truth about the characters and where they are at this stage of the series. If the way you portray them winds up not jiving with the way they develop in S4, it doesn't matter - right now, things could go in so many directions, and half the fun of fanfic is exploring all those possibilities. And if people don't like the direction you go in, they've clearly forgotten that. :) You could try posting it on LJ only if you're really worried about comments, maybe? That might keep the insanity wank down a bit... and if you're worried about how the person you're writing it for will like the decisions you make, maybe it would be worth discussing it with them, finding out what their impressions are.

It is tricky to make confident decisions right now because of the massively ambiguous note s3 left things on - and I know you like your characterizations to be as plausible as possible. But I think you have the skill to make that plausibility work no matter what you decide to do, you know? There are so many ambiguities and complexities to play with here, it's actually easy to have conflicting portrayals that make equal sense; your take on John's sexuality in CfB, for example, was somewhat in contrast with other interpretations, and it's great because no-one can yet say which is more true. And oftentimes a different take is refreshing and interesting to read. So I guess I'm just saying it doesn't matter what direction you choose to go in, as long as you then stick with it consistently within your story. Pick whatever makes your story strongest, rather than worrying about might be most consistent with the show, and let yourself run with it! (hope that helps a bit)

I don't know why I'm putting so much pressure on myself to make it my personal definitive statement about what should happen after series 3. Some people have been able to write half a dozen different fics, but I've found myself terrified to step beyond the end of the series. I think I just need to do it and get it out there, and it will probably be fine.

You're right that I usually want my fics to feel like they could fit right in with canon, and maybe I need to let that go a bit. It's so open to interpretation right now anyway, yanno?

Thank you!

Yeah, I really wouldn't get too worked up about it. I don't think the act of writing fanfic should be about taking sides or subscribing to theories, and if the canon winds up proving you 'wrong' that's okay. With such ambiguous characters, the best you can do to be faithful to them is make sure their voices are right.

Have faith in your own ability to make the reader believe. It's an ability you've proven yourself to have in spades. What makes your stories feel like they fit in the canon isn't so much about having certain facts tally up - it's just about getting their voices right and staying true to what is essential about them. Even essentials can shift, if the writing shows how they evolve. Capturing the voice of the characters is more important than anything else. Even OOC stuff can usually work as long as the voice is right. If I read a fic and John says things that I can't actually imagine him saying in Martin Freeman's voice, I tend to back-button, but if he sounds like John, I can be convinced of a lot. Really, there's not much you can't have happen. Exploring possibilities is the whole point of fanfic and of the show as well; after series 1, for example, I think many of us would have found the idea of Sherlock standing up and making a speech about how much John has changed his life to be a bit OOC, but they pulled it off. It's all just playing and exploring. :)

I've probably said more than enough, but I'm suddenly reminded of Martin Freeman remarking: 'My job should be a pleasure. It's called playing. It's not called fighting, it's called playing a part... so it should have a certain lightness to it and it should have a joy to it.'

Can you turn off anon comments in ao3 or is it all or nothing? 'Cause having to use their name might discourage some wank.

I think I will follow some advice above and add a note that says, this isn't open for concrit because it was written as a gift for someone. That might be a good way to go!

*scoops up some motivation* here you are :) Good luck, I hope you find your mojo. Could you jump ahead a few months (years) after HLV and just pretend whatever issues were resolved perfectly to everyone's satisfaction and then move forward with the characters as you'd like them to be? Urgh though, I understand your trepidation, I put huge warnings and no correspondence will be entered into disclaimers all over mine, it worked a treat. :)

Thank you!

The fic I'm writing does jump ahead a year or so, which is great in some ways, but also means I have to figure out what to do about the whole Moriarty thing, so... yeah. But if I can make it work, it will be a lot of fun, I think.

I think disclaimers are the way to go, definitely. I've never done that before, but this like a good time to do it!

Oh I wish I knew what motivates you personally because I'd send it over in spades! I read everything you write on my iphone with the lights out b/c I can't take distractions. So if you don' think that's too creepy, think of me as one of your eager audience members staring wide-eyed and jaw dropped into the glowing matchbook which OBVIOUSLY contains your fic!

Thank you! That does help, actually. I'm feeling a little better about it already. And I have all of next week to devote to writing again, so yes. Yes! :-D

Dearest Emma, I cannot wait to read this story.

It'll be wonderful to know that you are deep within writing again, pouring yourself a cup of coffee, sitting down with ideas, wondering if some new ideas will work, conquering new challenges in writing you've been meaning to set for yourself.

It'll be wonderful to read your treatment of complex, flawed but loving individuals who show what it is to be 40, to find what is best for the self and choose it even at a price, to hurt others because it's unavoidable but to know it is necessary... You have such rich materials to work with in these fascinating characters. You haven't worked in this territory before, with this plot -- it all stretches out before you.

Thank you, thank you!

I have to admit that I've stared longingly over at my writing chair in the last couple of days and imagined myself sitting there with a cup of coffee and typing away. I think that, come Monday, I will be ready to jump back in. This post is all part of me trying to get myself excited about it. :-)

Hm, motivation is a tricky one.

For me, sometimes it's best to step away from it for a while. I try and find something that's still creative, but in a different way. In fact, I just took a break from working on cosplays. I've been sketching in the meantime, which is something I haven't done in years. It's so calming, though. It's been wonderful. And now I'm ready to jump back in, buy some fabric, and bury myself in ruffles.

It also helps to focus on something you really love about what you're doing. Something you're excited about, you know? Maybe it's some point in the plot you can't wait to get to, seeing the reaction of the person who commissioned the fic, experiencing that indescribable writer's a-ha moment (my favorite part), or even just something about the physical act of writing. Being specific helps, I find. :)

I'm not sure if what works for me will work for you, but I do hope it helps. I can't wait to read it when it's done. Good luck! <3

Edited 2014-06-27 03:42 (UTC)

I have stepped away form it for a solid month, heh. But I'm starting to feel ready to work on it again. I'll have some time next week, and it's been a while since I've just been able to write, so I think I will be able to make some progress!

Thank you!

If there are elements of canon or characterization that are unclear or that I just don't know what to do with, if they're getting in the way of telling the story I want to tell, I just kind of *handwave*. Now, I realize there's a breaking point where if you *handwave* away too much canon are you really still writing fanfic or have you ambled off into some other derivative/original fusion-land? I mean, only you can really decide that for yourself, but for me personally, I don't let myself get bogged down in the details unless they're fun details that I want to be bogged down in (and even then I still have to haul myself up and actually write some sentences containing those details at some point -- so goes writing).

You know, I've been handwaving some things, but then I hit a point where there is a really big question that I just can't ignore any more. Like, what exactly is Mary's backstory? That sort of thing. And so I need to stop and really work it out before I can move on. It's easy to get stuck and overwhelmed in a position like that.

I think I need to let go of the idea of getting it right, basically, because there is no way to get it right here. It will be fine, I think!

I think you're spot-on with the idea of letting go getting it right. I obsess about the same thing, as if not getting it right will somehow ruin everything. If I'm honest, I don't even know if the writers know what right is at this point.

I think if you substitute the idea of has internal consistency in place of right, you might find yourself in a more comfortable place to move forward?

I've always said that I will buy absolutely ridiculous amounts of OOC and canon divergence from an author that sells me on the idea that in this story in this setting, this is the way things are. In my experience, you're an excellent writer with a good grasp on your characters, your tone, your plot and your emotional arc. That is to say, whatever you're selling, I'll take two please.

I mean, I think in light of that you can concern yourself less with that is canonically "right" and instead focus on making decisions that support strong storytelling consistency.

<3!

Edited 2014-06-28 00:53 (UTC)

I don't have any fantastic advice but I just wanted to say: I hear you! I've been working on a post-S3 fic for the past 6 months... I think I've been stalling partly because as I got through it I started to realize that I might be setting myself up for a world of crappy comments if I post it. And then I started to feel so much pressure to write, as you said, a "definitive" version. So I have to keep telling myself - this isn't the definitive version of anything, it's just an exploration of one possible reality.

Anyway, I know just how you feel and I can't wait to read what you write. And I hope you enjoy writing it :)

It's so good to know that it's not just me! This just seems like a hard time to write fic in this fandom.

Here: have a Cumberbum:

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_md4yv23TVd1rcnjmyo1_500.png

That motivation enough for you? ;-)

In all seriousness, I can only echo what's been already said. So many people on Tumblr seem to forget that the whole POINT of fanfic is sometimes to explore all the various POTENTIAL possibilities that are out there, and just because you write a certain plotline doesn't mean you necessarily want said plotline to actually happen. (Hell, I once wrote a Quantum Leap fanfic where because of timey-wimey reasons, Sam Beckett actually never leaped in the first place and was happily married to his wife as a result. It was one of the most depressing stories I ever wrote.)

They also seem to forget that you don't necessarily CHOOSE your plots (even if they aren't gifts). I mean, I had no intention of writing a story that delved into John's survivor guilt due to Sherlock's (supposed) suicide, but that's what the damn muse wanted.

I know you're one of the few fanfic writers that I will read regardless of what it is: you could write a story shipping tea and a cup, and I'd read it and kudo it. (Great - if you actually write this up, I write fanfic under the name Kylara Ingress .)

Sometimes, fandom means you have to have a thick skin about what you like and what you do - and that sucks.

So, sending mental good vibes (and chocolate - http://yummyandscrummy.com/files/2012/10/melted-chocolate.jpg ) your way.

I'm at a point where I would really rather write AUs and crossovers and such -- anything to avoid the reality of series 3! But just in writing this and discussing it a bit, I'm starting to get excited about working on it again, so that's definitely a good thing!

my last comment was marked as spam - most likely due to the links. Just FYI.

I've spent some time the past few days thinking about all the fan creators who are also struggling to find their mojo right now. I am especially thinking of the writers because their writing has given me so much. I wish I had a magic pill or antidote to help with this hurdle. I love picturing you writing and puzzling out these scenarios with your stories. I love that this is your meta. So cool! So creative! I like thinking of the happiness your stories bring to people who read them.

Sometimes I think creativity fuels creativity. I know it does for me, and this makes me want to push and generate more fanart to add that to the circulating conversations in fandom so it's not so dominated by discontent. I've spent several evenings looking up photo references because I think the cure for some of this is porn. I hope you find your mojo. I'm cheering for you.

You know, this might be part of what's affecting me. The nore fic people are writing, and the more I read, the more I want to write myself. But I've had a hard time finding things to read lately, especially if it's a fic involving Mary at all. I'm so, so picky about her characterization that I end up backbuttoning out of a lot of the fics I start, and then that makes me think about how people are going to feel the same about mine, you know? It can be paralyzing.

I'm realizing I just need to let go and imagine that I'm writing a fic that only a few people will read, and that will make it feel a lot easier, I think.

Thank you!

I'm sorry fandom's getting you down to the point where it's messing with your fic-writin' mojo. :-( FWIW, because it IS a gift, maybe find some freedom in that? You're writing a story that the recipient wanted, not necessarily fic-metaing out your own feelings. Writing at least one version of the post s3 headspace for everyone might help you figure out your own feelings on all the things. And you know--it is okay to write one thing and say... 'I liked what this did in my story, but I'm not sure this is how it really is," because, fanfic. There are so many different ways that a writer can take things in this post-s3 world of ours, so it's okay to sort of fic-it-out as you figure it out, you know ;-)

So, here's some motivation/cheerleading: YOU CAN DO IT! GO EMMA! WOOOHOOO! YAYWRITING!! HATERSGONNAHATESOWHATEVER!!

I think that if I can just get this one written, I can start writing all the other versions. And I have four whole days of my kid at camp to write, woot!

There is a reason that we don't have the same explosion of post-HLV fic as we had post-TRF. Everyone is confused. I really only know of a few people who are satisfied and happy with HLV, and those people tend to have extremely different ideas of what was actually happening there and so some of them are bound to be disappointed in S4.

The fics I've read where the writers have clearly struggled with HLV and worked to make their own sense of it, whatever that leads to, have generally been really great. I'm sure yours will be amazing!

It's amazing that this makes writing post-Reichenbach fic seem easy! But yes, it's so much more complicated now, and that is definitely making this harder than I expected.

Ignore the haters -- your fics are awesome. I love them even when you deal out a plot that's not quite my cuppa. Good writers can make readers get past their hang-ups and you're one of those. :-)

Write, woman, write!

Thank you! :-D

I have a difficult time writing under the constraints of expectation, so I feel you. And with the S3 backlash, urgh. I'll send all the extra mojo I've got. :)

I'm feeling more motivated after this post and all these encouraging comments!

*cheers you on*

Thanks!

As you know, I found the last season full of major fail, however, depending on what your giftee has asked for, I would exploit all these issues as much as you're comfortable with.

Since this happens in CANON (god, isn't it awful that we have to remind people that canon is actually a legitimate parameter in fanfiction), I would kill Mary off. I damn sure that that is what is going to happen in the series anyway, and you will be praised as being prescient and will satisfy the Mary haters at the same time.

Exploit what are the obvious minefields in this "trio." Mary's past and the issue of John going on these dangerous exploits with Sherlock, where either of them are going to be killed. Really, does John's continued role as Sherlock's sidekick make sense if John is a father? Of course not. They HAVE to kill Mary (and the child) off. I find it exploitative that they made her pregnant, but I suppose it was in service of the marriage. They were desperate to make her an assassin (god, what stupidity) and yet how could John possible marry someone like that? Well, throw a baby into the mix. How can John possibly dump her when she's pregnant?

Sherlock really doesn't have much of a role here, other than to be a shoulder (bony) to cry on. I would make John bitter and inconsolable and Sherlock bringing him back to life. Making him care again. It's the only plot trajectory that makes sense in light of the past season. Oh and blow jobs are always a good way to make someone feel better.

It will be an emo fic, but it's really the only way to take this, assuming any sort of adherence to canon.

I know you will write something that is lovely and brilliant, and that your giftee will be ecstatic!

I actually have it basically plotted out and do generally know where it's all going. I've been feeling unmotivated to do anything in fandom lately, to be honest. But I'm feeling ready to start working on this one again. And I have time this week, which is fantastic. :-)

dear Emma,

so many beautiful things have been said here already
but I want to add my personal touch
(and sorry for my English, it's not my native language)

the CfB was my very first piece of fanfiction I've read ever. EVER
at first, I was going to read only a couple of pages just for fun, to understand what this "fanfiction" is like at all, bearing in mind that it's all not quite literature and so on and so forth – all those snobbish attitude of a well educated decent girl, you know
but then I almost didn't sleep and eat for several days until I swallowed the whole text
and it changed my life forever. I mean it

it changed my perception of my own sexuality, letting me acknowledge things that I always had in myself, but never dared to try
it changed my perception of all my not-entirely-happy relations, letting me acknowledge things that I always wanted, but never dared to ask for
the text is so explicit that one can say it's porn, but it is full of love to the extent that it sometimes hurts
and the ending... for me, it's the story of love, but also the story about true courage and acceptance, and daring to live your life without cutting yourself on one hand, caring and respecting your partner – on the other

I've read the CfB just half a year ago, between the 1st and the 2nd episodes of S3
surely, since then I read many other beautiful fanfics including all yours
during this months, I changed my opinion about what is a good literature, too
and the CfB is like the first love – it shapes you once and forever, and it always stands aside and is very special for you

so I truly believe in you
I believe that whatever you write – it would be clear and sincere and real and full of revelations
I fully understand your confusion about the S3. I even cannot watch it for the second time – it hurts so much
but it's like real life – sometimes it's so complicated, it hurts a lot, and there is just no such things as simple decisions
but I believe that with your ability for immeasurable empathy and subtle observations and your great talent – you will write a brilliant story that will lead to catharsis in many poor soles like mine
and its brilliance would be adequate to the big challenge you have right now

I am so looking forwards to reading this text from you, yep! :-)

good luck with it, and I hope that finally you will have a great time writing it!

p.s. and if you really, truly don't want to write it for whatever reasons – just don't. return the money or whatever – and don't do it because you "must". there are no such things as "must" beyond caring for your little kids in this life. you don't own anything to anybody... (sure, IMHO)

Wow, thank you so, so much! I really appreciate your very kind and supportive words. And I'm genuinely flattered that you found reading some of my fic so helpful! That's always fantastic to hear, because it really tells me that it means something beyond just entertainment, that it is important to people. And that's so, so rewarding.

So thank you, thank you -- from the bottom of my heart! <3

Dearest Emma,
It's wonderful to read that you are coming back to writing again. I love your stories so much.

A lot of beautiful, encouraging things have already been said above and I agree with them. I totally appreciate how difficult it must be for you authors after HLV. I mean, What. Happened? I find it very difficult to see the characters motivation. But then I think, meh. If Moftiss didn't want to leave us with a fully formed S3 finale, why should I struggle to find it? So I spend my time reading a lot of fics which explore various possible post-HLV scenarios and enjoying them because of their diversity. Much as I did post-TRF but this time I'm more confused but also more relaxed with it.

Does that make any sense?

Short reply: I am v. glad you are coming back to the Sherlock fandom. Really. *hugs screen* I like that a lot of the fine writers in this fandom are trying to make heads and tails of S3. Seeing as how it made most of us go "What?!", no post-HLV fic can be wrong.

x

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Really need to get my fandom mojo back.

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Motivation

Re: Motivation

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