emmagrant01 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
emmagrant01) wrote2007-02-07 10:14 pm
emmagrant01) wrote2007-02-07 10:14 pm
You might be a prostitute.
In a flocked post, someone on my flist posted a funny picture that inspired me to attempt humor. Not satisfied with merely embarrassing myself under flock, I felt compelled to inflict it upon all of you. At least I have the courtesy of cutting it, right? ;-)
With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy:
If dressing for work involves donning both spandex and fake fur... you might be a prostitute.
If you wear so much make-up that people think you're a drag queen (and you're a woman)... you might be a prostitute.
If 80% of your income goes to a man who wears more gold chains than a 70s porn star... you might be a prostitute.
If you can run a mile from the cops, in five-inch heels and a miniskirt after snorting an 8-ball... you might be a prostitute.
If you show bare snatch in public and aren't hanging out with Paris Hilton... you might be a prostitute.
If you own more wigs than Dolly Parton and wear a different one out every night "on the job"... you might be a prostitute.
If you refer to meeting up with ten different guys in one night as "dating"... you might be a prostitute.
If you have a fully punched frequent customer card at the free clinic on the basis of STD testing alone... you might be a prostitute.
If you buy condoms at Costco...you might be a prostitute.
If you know all the vice cops on a first-name basis... you might be a prostitute.
If you think "Pretty Woman" was based on a true story... you might be a prostitute.
If a guy asks you to do something distasteful in bed and your response is "that's extra"... you might be a prostitute.
If you can spot any STD on sight and have no medical training whatsoever... you might be a prostitute.
If every date starts with you asking the guy, "Are you a cop?"... you might be a prostitute.
If you think leopard print spandex hot pants are in style... you might be a prostitute.
If your "man" calls you a "ho" and takes your hard-earned cash to buy himself crack...you might be oh, hell -- you're a prostitute!
My sincere apologies to any prostitutes I may have offended in this lame attempt at humor.
There's a reason I'm not a comedian... :-P
Give me V-Day love?
With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy:
If dressing for work involves donning both spandex and fake fur... you might be a prostitute.
If you wear so much make-up that people think you're a drag queen (and you're a woman)... you might be a prostitute.
If 80% of your income goes to a man who wears more gold chains than a 70s porn star... you might be a prostitute.
If you can run a mile from the cops, in five-inch heels and a miniskirt after snorting an 8-ball... you might be a prostitute.
If you show bare snatch in public and aren't hanging out with Paris Hilton... you might be a prostitute.
If you own more wigs than Dolly Parton and wear a different one out every night "on the job"... you might be a prostitute.
If you refer to meeting up with ten different guys in one night as "dating"... you might be a prostitute.
If you have a fully punched frequent customer card at the free clinic on the basis of STD testing alone... you might be a prostitute.
If you buy condoms at Costco...you might be a prostitute.
If you know all the vice cops on a first-name basis... you might be a prostitute.
If you think "Pretty Woman" was based on a true story... you might be a prostitute.
If a guy asks you to do something distasteful in bed and your response is "that's extra"... you might be a prostitute.
If you can spot any STD on sight and have no medical training whatsoever... you might be a prostitute.
If every date starts with you asking the guy, "Are you a cop?"... you might be a prostitute.
If you think leopard print spandex hot pants are in style... you might be a prostitute.
If your "man" calls you a "ho" and takes your hard-earned cash to buy himself crack...
My sincere apologies to any prostitutes I may have offended in this lame attempt at humor.
There's a reason I'm not a comedian... :-P