emmagrant01: (embarrassed)
emmagrant01 ([personal profile] emmagrant01) wrote2007-02-07 10:14 pm
Entry tags:

You might be a prostitute.

In a flocked post, someone on my flist posted a funny picture that inspired me to attempt humor. Not satisfied with merely embarrassing myself under flock, I felt compelled to inflict it upon all of you. At least I have the courtesy of cutting it, right? ;-)

With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy:

If dressing for work involves donning both spandex and fake fur... you might be a prostitute.

If you wear so much make-up that people think you're a drag queen (and you're a woman)... you might be a prostitute.

If 80% of your income goes to a man who wears more gold chains than a 70s porn star... you might be a prostitute.

If you can run a mile from the cops, in five-inch heels and a miniskirt after snorting an 8-ball... you might be a prostitute.

If you show bare snatch in public and aren't hanging out with Paris Hilton... you might be a prostitute.

If you own more wigs than Dolly Parton and wear a different one out every night "on the job"... you might be a prostitute.

If you refer to meeting up with ten different guys in one night as "dating"... you might be a prostitute.

If you have a fully punched frequent customer card at the free clinic on the basis of STD testing alone... you might be a prostitute.

If you buy condoms at Costco...you might be a prostitute.

If you know all the vice cops on a first-name basis... you might be a prostitute.

If you think "Pretty Woman" was based on a true story... you might be a prostitute.

If a guy asks you to do something distasteful in bed and your response is "that's extra"... you might be a prostitute.

If you can spot any STD on sight and have no medical training whatsoever... you might be a prostitute.

If every date starts with you asking the guy, "Are you a cop?"... you might be a prostitute.

If you think leopard print spandex hot pants are in style... you might be a prostitute.

If your "man" calls you a "ho" and takes your hard-earned cash to buy himself crack... you might be oh, hell -- you're a prostitute!

My sincere apologies to any prostitutes I may have offended in this lame attempt at humor.

There's a reason I'm not a comedian... :-P

Give me V-Day love?

My Valentinr - emmagrant01

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